leeshez
Member
Registered: 3rd May 01
Location: Great Harwood, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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A competition was held, in the USA, by a newspaper, to find the most embarrassing moments in peoples lives. The following are the final four places.
Fourth Place.
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and started to run amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself 'right now', she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'.
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing! I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing that I heard as the doors closed behind me were the screams of laughter.
Third Place.
It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her piggy-back ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed.
When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled a 'SURPRISE'. My entire family, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all of my friends were standing there! My girlfriend and I were froze to the spot in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no-one in my family has planned a surprise party again.
Second Place.
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of the items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the public address system and boomed out for all the store to hear: PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN. TAMPAX, SUPERSIZE.
That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently mis-understood the word 'Tampax' for 'Thumbtacks'. In a very businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the public address system; DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND THAT YOU BELT IN WITH A HAMMER.
The Winner Is.....
From Harvard University During a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (freshman), raised her hand and asked, 'If I understand what you are saying, there is a lot of glucose in male semen, as in sugar?'. 'That's correct' responded the professor, going on to add much statistical data. Raising her hand again, the female student asked, 'Then why doesn't it taste sweet ?'. After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl turned bright red and as she realised exactly what she had inadvertently said, or rather implied, she picked up her books without a word and walked out of the class.
However, as she was going out of the door, the professor's reply was a classic. Totally straight-faced, he answered her question, 'It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not in the back of your throat!'
 
Edited to reformat and move to Off Day!
[Edited on 19-11-2003 by Ian]
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Noonster
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Registered: 20th Jul 03
Location: East Yorkshire
User status: Offline
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drunkenfool
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Registered: 7th Feb 03
Location: Hereford Drives: Audi R8 V8
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OFcorsa
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Registered: 6th Jan 03
Location: Cheltenham, Gloucestershire
User status: Offline
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PMSL!!!! they are quality!
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S1MON
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Registered: 9th Nov 01
Location: Woodley, Berkshire
User status: Offline
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carnoisseurcraig
Member
Registered: 4th Jun 03
Location: Inverness
User status: Offline
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kerry, is this true.
LOL
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Kerry
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Registered: 5th Oct 01
Location: Norwich
User status: Offline
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carnoisseurcraig
Member
Registered: 4th Jun 03
Location: Inverness
User status: Offline
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the last bit joke. was just wondering if its true 
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Kerry
Member
Registered: 5th Oct 01
Location: Norwich
User status: Offline
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pmsl of all the ladies here i like how u ask me  
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carnoisseurcraig
Member
Registered: 4th Jun 03
Location: Inverness
User status: Offline
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lol, to be honest i dunno hun. You just have that filthy look about ya. Its a good thing thou.
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NormSXi
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Registered: 26th Sep 03
User status: Offline
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Kerry
Member
Registered: 5th Oct 01
Location: Norwich
User status: Offline
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carnoisseurcraig
Member
Registered: 4th Jun 03
Location: Inverness
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Kerry
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Kerry
Member
Registered: 5th Oct 01
Location: Norwich
User status: Offline
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and on that note
craig i stil havnt had any nuts from u
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carnoisseurcraig
Member
Registered: 4th Jun 03
Location: Inverness
User status: Offline
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PMSL, quality comeback.
Ok, il post ya out another set. My nuts are in the post.
Kerry without nuts. NEVER!!!!!!!
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Kerry
Member
Registered: 5th Oct 01
Location: Norwich
User status: Offline
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why does everyone think this of me  im a quiet lass
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carnoisseurcraig
Member
Registered: 4th Jun 03
Location: Inverness
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Kerry
why does everyone think this of me im a quiet lass
Ah hun, im just messing wi ya. Ok, enough of the jokes.
But id still throw one up ya.
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Kerry
Member
Registered: 5th Oct 01
Location: Norwich
User status: Offline
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nah im not like that sorry
maybe throw one over me or maybe something to wet the taste buds
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