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Author RECENTLY INSTALLED AT THE MENTAL HEALTH INSTITUTE
Spence
Member
Registered: 13th Jan 03
Location: Bristol UK
User status: Offline
2nd Dec 03 at 12:10   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
A TRANSCRIPT OF THE NEW ANSWERING SERVICE RECENTLY INSTALLED AT THE MENTAL HEALTH INSTITUTE.

Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline: -
*If you are obsessive-compulsive - press 1 repeatedly.
*If you are co-dependent - please ask someone to press 2 for you.
*If you have multiple personalities - press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid - we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.
*If you are delusional - press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
*If you are schizophrenic - listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
*If you are a manic-depressive - it doesn't matter which number you press, no-one will answer.
*If you are dyslexic - press 9696969696969.
*If you have a nervous disorder - please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
*If you have amnesia - press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.
*If you have post-traumatic stress disorder - slowly and carefully press 000.
*If you have bi-polar disorder - please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
*If you have short-term memory loss - press 9.
*If you have short-term memory loss - press 9.
*If you have short-term memory loss - press 9.
*If you have short-term memory loss - press 9.
*If you have low self-esteem - please hang up, all our operators are too busy to talk to you."
Nismo
Member
Registered: 12th Sep 02
User status: Offline
2nd Dec 03 at 12:11   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
I have short term some thing i forgot what it was
Wolfy
Member
Registered: 1st Apr 02
Location: West Midlands
User status: Offline
2nd Dec 03 at 12:57   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
AHHH there gonna trace my call, they know what i want AAAAAAAAAHHH!
groom
Member
Registered: 19th Apr 03
Location: In front of my pc
User status: Offline
3rd Dec 03 at 22:16   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Adam-D
Member
Registered: 11th May 02
Location: Cheshire
User status: Offline
3rd Dec 03 at 22:42   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
*If you have low self-esteem - please hang up, all our operators are too busy to talk to you."


they dont care

 
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