BigSte
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Registered: 27th Aug 02
Location: Sheffield
User status: Offline
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Anyone know any good jokes......got a couple but not very good
Q. What has Michael Jackson and Father Christmas got in common
A. They both leave childrens bedrooms with empty sacks
Q. What has George Michael and a welly got in common
A. They both get sucked off in bogs
This always makes me laugh too................
Results of the mental hospital karaoke competition.
3RD PLACE ROSE WEST - UNDER THE BOARDWALK
2ND PLACE HAROLD SHIPMAN - NEEDLES AND PINS
1ST PLACE PETER SUTCLIFFE - IF I HAD A HAMMER .
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Cybermonkey
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Registered: 22nd Sep 02
Location: Sydney, Australia
User status: Offline
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John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.
After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.
"Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"
"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."
"He's an asshole," John said. "Piss on him."
"You did," came the reply. "And he fired you."
"Well, screw him!" said John.
"I did. You're back at work on Monday.
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Cybermonkey
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Registered: 22nd Sep 02
Location: Sydney, Australia
User status: Offline
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A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
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J4MIE P
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Registered: 1st Aug 03
Location: oldham, North manchester
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J4MIE P
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Registered: 1st Aug 03
Location: oldham, North manchester
User status: Offline
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Ok so here's a classic.
So I say to my girlfriend the other day,
"Hey, i'd like a little pussy here"
She say: "yeah, me too. Mines as big as a house!"
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carnoisseurcraig
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Registered: 4th Jun 03
Location: Inverness
User status: Offline
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OK, this is sick and dont shoot the messenger. I got told this by my postie
Whats worse that letting Micheal Jackson put your kids to bed.
Letting Ian Huntly bathe them................................
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willay
Moderator
Organiser: South East, National Events
Premium Member
Registered: 10th Nov 02
Location: Roydon, Essex
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by carnoisseurcraig
OK, this is sick and dont shoot the messenger. I got told this by my postie
Whats worse that letting Micheal Jackson put your kids to bed.
Letting Ian Huntly bathe them................................
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