big eck
Member
Registered: 20th Apr 03
Location: Tullibody. Drives - Audi B8 S4 & Fiesta Zetec-S
User status: Offline
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A train hits a busload of Essex Schoolgirls and they all perish.
They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St.Peter.
St Peter asks the first girl (from Southend), "Karen, have you ever had
any contact with a mans thing?"
She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with
the tip of my finger"
St. Peter says, "OK, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and
pass through the gate."
St. Peter asks the next girl (from Chelmsford) the same question,
"Joanne have you ever had any contact with a mans thing?"
The girl is a little reluctant but replies "Well once I fondled and
stroked one."
St. Peter says "OK, dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass
through the gate."
All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls, and
the girl from Romford is pushing her way to the front of the line.
When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says "Tracy! What seems
to be the rush?"
The girl replies.."If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy water...I
want to do it before Lorraine sticks her arse in it!!"
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One day a little cat was walking through the park when he came across a pond. He peered into the pond and noticed that at the bottom of the pond there was a little cocktail sausage. The cat was feeling quite peckish so as the water wasn't that deep he reached in with his little paw and hooked the sausage out and ate it.
The next day the cat was walking through the park again and he peered Into the pond again - there was another sausage but this time it was a normal sized one so the cat reached in but this time he had to put his whole arm into the pond. The cat hooked the sausage out and ate it.
The next day the cat looked into the pond and found an enormous Cumberland sausage at the bottom of the pond it looked so delicious, but it was so huge that he had to actually put the whole of his body into the pond to get the sausage. He ate it and found it very tasty!
THE MORAL OF THE STORY......
The bigger the Sausage - the wetter the Pussy !!!!
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A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one.
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are
hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man,
that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing
left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet
and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".
Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!" "This
must be a sign from God!"
The woman continued, "and look at this, here's another miracle. My car is
completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants
us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the
bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and
then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately
puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't
you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the
police...."
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Women are clever b*tches. Don't mess with them
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Matt H
Member
Registered: 11th Sep 01
Location: South Yorkshire
User status: Offline
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poole
Member
Registered: 12th Oct 03
Location: Sheffield, UK Drives: 2.5 v6 Calibra
User status: Offline
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PMSL
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Icy
Member
Registered: 31st Jan 01
Location: Edinburgh Drives: Mk3 Golf Gti
User status: Offline
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teeeeeeheeeeee
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the_legend_of_yrag
Member
Registered: 7th Jul 03
Location: Cambridgeshire
User status: Offline
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lmao at the last one!!!!!
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chris_uk
Premium Member
Registered: 8th Jul 03
User status: Offline
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that last one! LMAO!
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T1NK
Member
Registered: 7th Apr 03
Location: down south
User status: Offline
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the last one
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Ben
Banned
Registered: 12th Jan 03
Location: West Yorkshire
User status: Offline
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last ones funniest
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Gavin
Premium Member
Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: West Midlands
User status: Offline
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pew pew pew pewwwww
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