Mad Moe
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Registered: 14th Jun 01
Location: Northumberland
User status: Offline
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Hope Yous Enjoy
A guy walks into a bar with an octopus.
He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. He can play any musical instrument in the world."
Everyone in the bar laughs at the man, calling him an idiot. So he says that he will wager £350 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can’t play.
A customer walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus.
Immediately the octopus picks up the guitar and starts playing better than Jimmy Hendrix. The guitar owner pays up the £350.
Another customer walks up with a trumpet. This time the octopus plays the trumpet better than Miles Davis. The trumpet-owner coughs up the £350.
Then Jim, a Scotsman plonks some bagpipes on the table. The octopus fumbles with the bagpipes for a minute and then backs off with a confused look. Ha!" The Scot says. "Can ye nae plae it?" The octopus looks up at him and says, "Play it? I'm going to shag it as soon as I figure out how to get its pyjamas off."
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TNM
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Registered: 5th Apr 04
Location: Nottingham Drives: VW Tiguan
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OLD.
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R Lee
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Registered: 15th Aug 03
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 didn't find that funny
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Mad Moe
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Registered: 14th Jun 01
Location: Northumberland
User status: Offline
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Hows about this one then?
A man walks into a bar with an ostrich and a pussycat. He asks the bar person (who looks at them strangely) for a whisky then asks the ostrich and pussycat. The ostrich says 'yeah I'll have a Gin and tonic', and the pussycat says ' yeah I'll have a whisky but I'm not paying for it!'. They get their drinks and the barman says that'll be '£6.50 please'. The man puts his hand into his pocket and takes out the exact money and gives it to the barperson.
About half hour later they all go back up to the bar. 'I'll have another whisky please mate' says the man. 'Baileys says the ostrich, and the pussycat says 'yeah I'll have a whisky but I'm not paying for it!'.
'That's £7.10 then please'. The man puts his hand into his pocket and takes out the exact change again and hands it to the barman. They walk off and drink their drinks. Another half hour later they come back and ask for the same drinks with the pussycat again saying that she wont pay for it, and once again the man takes out the exact change from his pocket.
The barperson then asks how comes everytime he puts his hand into his pocket the exact money comes out, and why he's got an ostrich and a pussycat with him. The man replys 'I rubbed this lamp and a genie came out. The genie said I could have 3 wishes. So for the first wish I asked that whenever I buy something ,whatever it costs, when I put my hand in my pocket the exact money will come out'. 'Ahh that's nice' says the barperson......and what about the other 2 wishes??'. The man replys 'I asked for a bird with long legs and a tight pussy'.
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sfxer
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Registered: 23rd Aug 00
Location: devon, england
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isnt it "tall bird with a tight pussy"
well it was when i heard it circa 1995
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R Lee
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Registered: 15th Aug 03
User status: Offline
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heard it before. better though
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Pablo
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Registered: 3rd Feb 03
Location: Milton Keynes
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I clicked on this thread with high hopes, I leave disapointed
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TNM
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Registered: 5th Apr 04
Location: Nottingham Drives: VW Tiguan
User status: Offline
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Mad Moe
Member
Registered: 14th Jun 01
Location: Northumberland
User status: Offline
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I apologise for the poor quality of my jokes today I promise I will make up for them tomorrow
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