leeshez
Member
Registered: 3rd May 01
Location: Great Harwood, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back
>in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much
>as we
>try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POO is inevitable. For
>those
>who hate pooing at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a
>dump
>at work.
>
>CROP DUSTING
>When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the
>smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't
>know where
>it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full
>fart
>has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has
>left
>your
>pants.
>
>FLY BY
>The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing. Walk in and check for
>other pooers. If there are others in the toilet, leave and come back
>again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become
>suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the toliet.
>
>ESCAPEE
>A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a
>poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of
>embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it.
Pretend
> it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the
>urinal,
>pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is
>uncomfortable
>for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel
>uneasy.
>
>JAILBREAK
>When forcing a poo, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This
>is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should
>happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the
>toilet to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
>
>COURTESY FLUSH
>The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poo hits
>the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poo has to stink up
>the toilet. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF
>SHAME.
>
>WALK OF SHAME
>Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just
>stunk up the toilet. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if
>someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend
>that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the
>COURTESY FLUSH.
>
>OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER
>A colleague who poos at work and is damn proud
>of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooer enter the toilet
>with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around
>the office
>for the Out Of The Closet Pooer before entering the toilet.
>
>THE POOING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
>A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooing goes
>off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the
>whereabouts of
>
>Out Of The Closet Pooers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
>
>SAFE HAVENS
> A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least
>expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite
>sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooer of your sex entering the
>toilet.
>
>TURD BURGLAR
> Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to
>force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable
>moments that can occur when taking a poo at work. If this occurs,
>remain
>in the
>stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all
>uncomfortable eye contact.
>
>CAMO-COUGH
>A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you
>are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to
>alert
>potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with
an
>ASTAIRE.
>
>ASTAIRE
>A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you
>are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall
>is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the toilet immediately so
>the
>pooer can poo in peace.
>
>WATERMELON
> A poo that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This
>is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on,
>create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
>
>HAVANA OMELET
> A case of diarrhea that creates series of loud splashes in the toilet
>water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using Camo-Cough with an
>Astaire.
>
>UNCLE TED
> A toilet user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend
>extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot.
>An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you
>should
>always wait to poo when the toilet is empty. This benefits you as well
>as the other toilet attendees.
>
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sassyminx
Member
Registered: 10th Jan 04
Location: Hartlepool Drives: Cossie
User status: Offline
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class!!!
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AndyW
Member
Registered: 28th Oct 02
Location: Greater London
User status: Offline
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http://www.corsasport.co.uk/board/viewthread.php?tid=176571&pid=2229542#pid2229542
just printed this out gonna take it tonight
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ultra_corsa
Member
Registered: 12th Jun 04
Location: Luton
User status: Offline
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Lukemax
Member
Registered: 31st Jul 01
Location: West Sussex
User status: Offline
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class cant believe someone has sat down and typed all of that out
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leeshez
Member
Registered: 3rd May 01
Location: Great Harwood, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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My M8 E-mailed it me
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Jamescorsa97
Member
Registered: 19th Aug 04
Location: Middlesbrough Drives: Cliosport 182
User status: Offline
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Absoloutley hilarious top class post!!! haha
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