Carly
Member
Registered: 21st Aug 03
Location: sheffield
User status: Offline
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An attractive woman entered a pet shop. When the clerk offered
assistance, she explained that she was recently divorced, and was
looking for a small-ish dog for company.
The clerk explained that the name of the store was 'Exotic Pets' and
that, unfortunately, they did not stock cats, dogs, fish or any
commonplace pets. He did say, however, that he had something which
might be ideal.
He took the woman into a back room. He walked over to a terrarium,and
pointed proudly to a large bullfrog which sat inside it. "Would that
suit your needs?", he asked. The woman answered, scornfully, that she
hardly thought an amphibian would be a suitable companion. "Ah", replied
the salesman, leering, "but this 'amphibian' has been carefully trained
... to perform oral sex upon women."
At this the woman's eyes lit up. She eagerly negotiated a price of $500
for the frog, and left with it in her expectant possession. Arriving
home, she drew a bubble bath, poured a glass of champagne and relaxed
in anticipation.
When she was thoroughly mellow, she dried herself, and arranged herself,
nude, upon her bed. Parting her thighs, she placed the frog between
them, closed her eyes, and waited. Nothing happened. She prodded the
frog. Still nothing. She moved it up further toward her body. Nothing.
She ordered it to perform. No response.
After an hour of this frustration, she lifted the phone, and called the
pet shop. When the clerk answered, she complained loudly that she had
been cheated. The clerk apologized profusely, wrote down her address,
and said he'd be right over. Ten minutes later, he knocked on the door,
and the woman answered, wearing a nightgown.
He asked her to demonstrate the problem. She obliged, by disrobing and
assuming her former position, with the frog in place. The frog made no
movement. "You see?", she asked, petulantly. "Yes, I do", said theman.
Then, addressing the frog as he removed his necktie and shirt, he said,
"Now, I'm only going to show you this one more time..."
[Edited on 28-10-2004 by carlz]
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MatthewR
Member
Registered: 21st Oct 02
Location: Rickmansworth
User status: Offline
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very good!
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Scottydoo
Banned
Registered: 6th Oct 04
Location: Scotland
User status: Offline
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Kathryn W
Member
Registered: 12th Oct 03
Location: Widnes, Cheshire
User status: Offline
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lol
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Carly
Member
Registered: 21st Aug 03
Location: sheffield
User status: Offline
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One day when the teacher walked into the classroom, she noticed that someone had written the word 'PENIS' (in tiny letters) on the blackboard.
She scanned the class looking for a guilty face. Finding none, she rubbed the word off and began class.
The next day, the word 'PENIS' was written on the board again. This time it was written about halfway across the board. Again she looked around in vain for the culprit, so she proceeded with the day's lesson.
Every morning for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on theboard, each day's being larger than the previous one, and each being rubbed off vigorously. At the end of the second week, she walked in expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board, but instead found the words:
"The more you rub it, the bigger it gets."
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Carly
Member
Registered: 21st Aug 03
Location: sheffield
User status: Offline
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Four nuns were standing in line at the gates of heaven. Peter asks the
first if she has ever sinned. "Well, once I looked at a man's penis," she
said. "Put some of this holy water on your eyes and you may enter heaven,"
Peter told her. Peter then asked the second nun if she had ever sinned.
"Well, once I held a man's penis," she replied. "Put your hand in this holy
water and you may enter heaven," he said. Just then the fourth nun pushed
ahead of the third nun. Peter asked her, "Why did you push ahead in line?"
She said, "Because I want to gargle before she sits in it!"
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sxibeast
Member
Registered: 6th Aug 03
Location: Milton Keynes
User status: Offline
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haha! lol! quality!! 
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Scottydoo
Banned
Registered: 6th Oct 04
Location: Scotland
User status: Offline
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Quality
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