dan.payne
Member
Registered: 19th Dec 03
Location: Whittington, Derbyshire
User status: Offline
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Might of been posted b4 but 
1.What do you call a Chav in a box?
Innit.
2. What do you call a Chav in a filing cabinet?
Sorted.
3. What do you call a Chav in a box with a lock on it?
Safe.
4. What do you call an Eskimo Chav?
Innuinnit.
5. Why are Chavs like slinkies?
They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight
of stairs.
6. What do you call a Chavette in a white tracksuit?
The bride.
7. If you see a Chav on a bike, why should you try not to run him
over? It might be your bike.
8. What's the difference between a Chav and a coconut?
One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.
9. What's the first question at a Chav quiz night?
"What you lookin' at?"
10. How do you get 100 Chavs into a phone box?
Paint three stripes on it.
11. 2 Chavs in a car without any music. Who's driving?
The police.
12. Where do you take a Chavette for a decent night out?
Up the gary!
13. What do you call a chav with half a brain?
Gifted.
14. What do you call chavs with a brain?
A crowd.
15. When do chavs cross the road?
When its safe.
16. What do you say to a Chav?
Big Mac with fries please
17. What happens to a thought in a chavs head?
It dies of loneliness !!
18. What do you call a chav in a suit?
The accused
[Edited on 22-12-2004 by dan.payne]
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3CorsaMeal
Member
Registered: 11th Apr 02
User status: Offline
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Bart
Member
Registered: 19th Aug 02
Location: Midsomer Norton, Bristol Avon
User status: Offline
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Just recevied this news via e mail
From Reuters Newsagency
A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit in the earlyhours of Friday 24th Sept. 2004.
Epicentre: Croydon, Surrey. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "fackin ell" and "whatta cant" The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair.
Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived. Surrey FM News (State Radio Station) reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Croydon.
One resident ! ! - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said " It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two: Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all.
I was still shaking when I was watching Tricia the next morning."
Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as normal.
The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found
large quantities of personal belongings, which include benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.
HOW CAN YOU HELP
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing, parcels for those unfortunate to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after, items most needed include:
Fila or Burberry baseball caps,
Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers),
Shell suits (female)
White sport socks
Rockport boots and any other items usually sold in Primark.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs include Microwave meals, tins of baked beans, ice cream, white lightning and cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.
22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms, £2.00 buys chips,crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9, £5.00 will pay for a
packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
Please do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of posh housing is unfair on the population in neighbouring areas of Selhurst, Norwood and New Addington........
chav walks into the local job centre, marches straight up to the counter and said "Hi, I'm looking for a job".
The man behind the counter replies "Your timing is amazing. We've just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays. The salary package is £200,000 a year".
The chav says "You're having me on!"
The man behind the counter says "Well you started it!"
A housing officer is helping a chav fill in a form and asks for the name of her children. "hum Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne". The housing officer questions the practicalities of calling all your children by the same name. The chav replies "It's great. If I want them to come in I just have to shout Wayne, your tea's ready and they all come together". The housing officer says "yes, I see, but what if you only wanted to speak to one of them". "easy, I call him by his surname"
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duffy123
Banned
Registered: 5th Dec 04
Location: Ireland.
User status: Offline
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wats a chav?? dont have em here.
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waynep
Member
Registered: 20th Apr 02
Location: london
User status: Offline
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u have pikeys there lol same thing
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Martin
Member
Registered: 15th Mar 04
Location: Dumpstable Drives: Aztec Sxi
User status: Offline
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Kathryn W
Member
Registered: 12th Oct 03
Location: Widnes, Cheshire
User status: Offline
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Heared most of them before but still as good!!
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dan.payne
Member
Registered: 19th Dec 03
Location: Whittington, Derbyshire
User status: Offline
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ttt
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duffy123
Banned
Registered: 5th Dec 04
Location: Ireland.
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by corsa-crazy
u have pikeys there lol same thing
noting wrong with pikeys 
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