Fonz
Premium Member
Registered: 12th May 06
Location: Newbury, Berks
User status: Offline
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Dear employees,
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy,
Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of
age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire
Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the
SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been
RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering
Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and
SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for
Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early
Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or
SCREWED any further by Management.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT
(Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided
itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do
not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Supervisor.
They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely,
The Management
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*JonnyG*
Member
Registered: 2nd Jun 08
Location: Lincolnshire
User status: Offline
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Old, but still good.
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Marc
Member
Registered: 11th Aug 02
Location: York
User status: Offline
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Twiggy
Member
Registered: 15th Oct 04
User status: Offline
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Ben G
Member
Registered: 12th Jan 07
Location: Essex
User status: Offline
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repost :yawn: but still good.
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