SteveW
Member
Registered: 15th Jul 02
Location: Up in the clouds
User status: Offline
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“I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.”
[On the Porsche Boxster]
“It couldn’t pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom.”
[When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren]
“When they debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire.
But the German engineers from Mercedes said ‘Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!’
They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails.”
“I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.... If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.”
“Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary… that’s what gets you.”
“Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable.
More comfortable than what… being stabbed?”
“Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.”
[On the Renault Clio V6]
“I think the problem is that it’s French. It’s a surrendermonkey.”
[On the Enzo Ferrari]
“I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said: “Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing.”
[On the Porsche Cayenne]
“I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”
“The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.”
“Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.”
“If you were to buy a BMW 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.”
“That Pagani Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.”
[On a Chevrolet Corvette]
“The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”
[On the Alfa Romeo Brera]
“Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste.
But you would, wouldn’t you?”
“A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.”
“This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!’”
“In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.”
[On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG]
“It sounds like Barry White eating wasps.”
“I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.”
“Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.”
“Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels.
You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.”
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Matt L
Member
Registered: 17th Apr 06
User status: Offline
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FLOL @ most if not all of them 
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*JonnyG*
Member
Registered: 2nd Jun 08
Location: Lincolnshire
User status: Offline
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Lmfao brilliant.
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Kurt
Member
Registered: 23rd Oct 05
Location: Hi
User status: Offline
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I quite like the stig intros too
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Tomnova16
Premium Member
Registered: 21st Jan 06
Location: Gerrards Cross Drives: Porsche 911
User status: Offline
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quality, i remember when he said most of them
http://www.lemass.co.uk/ for all your automotive/bodyshop needs
Located in Chalfont st Peter
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mattk
Member
Registered: 27th Feb 06
Location: St. Helens
User status: Offline
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I liked his Jade Goodey quote best
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Ste
Premium Member
Registered: 5th Mar 03
Location: Taif, Saudi Arabia
User status: Offline
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should say 'top 25 top gear script writers quotes' tbh
I would rather lose by a mile because i built my own car, than win by an inch because someone else built it for me.
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sand-eel
Member
Registered: 15th Mar 07
Location: carluke/braidwood--IRNBRULAND
User status: Offline
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the ccx one was funny.
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