Drew
Banned
Registered: 24th Nov 01
Location: County Durham
User status: Offline
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SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself lashed to bar.
SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.
SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about his house training.
SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.
SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.
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DanielJ
Member
Registered: 21st Nov 01
Location: gwent, south wales
User status: Offline
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vibrio
Banned
Registered: 28th Feb 01
Location: POAH
User status: Offline
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SYMPTOM: with girl & mates laughing
FAULT: beer googles
ACTION: carry on you've pulled
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Wolfy
Member
Registered: 1st Apr 02
Location: West Midlands
User status: Offline
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LOL @ drew! i like the last one best!
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Wolfy
Member
Registered: 1st Apr 02
Location: West Midlands
User status: Offline
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Symptom: burbry cap on head
Fault: your a closet pikey
Action: get your gun! load it. aim at self.
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Cybermonkey
Member
Registered: 22nd Sep 02
Location: Sydney, Australia
User status: Offline
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SYMPTOM: Gets spat on regularly
FAULT: drives mums shit brown nova
ACTION: Strip and leave in bits in mums cupboards and drawers.
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Wolfy
Member
Registered: 1st Apr 02
Location: West Midlands
User status: Offline
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[Edited on 07-06-2003 by Adam]
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modded_corsa
Member
Registered: 9th May 03
Location: Middlesbrough
User status: Offline
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SYMPTOM: dancing with men and gettin dissorientated
FAULT: you have wandered into a gay bar and consuming large amounts of alcohol
ACTION: Find nearest fire alarm n pull/smash after been helped to door casually walk away as if it never happened
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