Sooty
Banned
Registered: 9th Mar 03
Location: FLAP CENTRAL
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Andy Stocker
He got results after getting the supervisors, supervisors, supervisor 
always works a treat
blode stfu 
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Lynny
Member
Registered: 3rd Jan 03
Location: oop north! Where people talk properly
User status: Offline
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sooty gtf
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barry_kellett99
Member
Registered: 19th May 03
User status: Offline
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What follows is a superb example of British humour in a letter that was truly written and sent. The piece suggests two things:
1) Americans and Canadians are not the only ones who get poor service from their ISP, cable and/or alarm companies. (NTL is a cable operator in Britain.)
2) The Brits appear to get a better education than most Americans enabling them to write some fine letters of complaint.
Dear Cretins:
I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for
Your four-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, telephone, and alarm monitoring.
During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of
Service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely I suspect, so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office. My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website.
HOW?
I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few
minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept.
The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later,
Although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools-such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum.
Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After 15
Telephone calls over four weeks my modem arrived, six weeks after I had
Requested it, and begun to pay for it. I estimate your internet servers downtime is roughly 35% - the hours between about 6 pm and midnight, from Monday to Friday, and most of the weekend. I am still waiting for my telephone connection.
I have made nine calls on my mobile to your no-help line, and have
Been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers. I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off); that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an answering machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman. And several other variations on this theme.
Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle moments to attend to. Frankly I don't care. It's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music.
Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.
I thought British Telecom was shit; that they had attained the holy
piss-pot of god-awful customer relations; and that no one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum incompetents of the highest order. BT - wankers though they are – shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy
Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy
Quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver. Any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief - and will quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused rage.
I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cat's
Litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless employees.
Have a nice day. May it be the last in your miserable short life, you
irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twits.
Yours truly
John Smith
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CORSA NUT
Member
Registered: 3rd Aug 01
Location: Wirral
User status: Offline
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Andy do you live with your mom and dad or summit? 
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DanielJ
Member
Registered: 21st Nov 01
Location: gwent, south wales
User status: Offline
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@ the letter
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luca2020
Member
Registered: 26th May 02
Location: Maidstone, Kent
User status: Offline
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that letter has to be the funniest 1 ive ever read :LOL:
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Andy Stocker
Member
Registered: 31st Aug 00
Location: Herts Drives: Porsche 911
User status: Offline
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Yes Corsa Nut I do, why????
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CORSA NUT
Member
Registered: 3rd Aug 01
Location: Wirral
User status: Offline
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So you bought a Skyline before buying a house?
My missis would kill me if i bought one of them! Savin for a house ya see 
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IntaCepta
Member
Registered: 25th Mar 02
Location: Mill Hill East, Greater London
User status: Offline
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lmao @ that letter,
best thing i've readon the net fro ages.
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Dan B
Member
Registered: 25th Feb 01
User status: Offline
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Read that letter before, absolutely superb! 
And whoever suggested Tiscali, they're even worse!  My account is still active (although I'm not paying for it, thankfully) after cancelling it 3 months ago, and their 1st-Line Tech Support is about as much use as a chocolate teapot...
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shane2corsa
Member
Registered: 4th Sep 05
Location: Nettleham, Lincolnshire
User status: Offline
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 this happened to us as well! everyone check your bills NOW
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Russ
Member
Registered: 14th Mar 04
Location: Armchair
User status: Offline
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now all 5 years worth of bills
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chris_uk
Premium Member
Registered: 8th Jul 03
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Sam
Your old man is partly to blame, he should have kept a closer eye on his bank account... 
to be honest i would say hes pretty much equally to blame..
on NTL's side they could of worked it out... but like sky you will have xammount of ppl and they wont check each individual account to make sure they are right..
but his dad should of kept a closer eye on his account and if its only £10 then they need to just take it on the chin and get over it..
im sorry but customers like that do my fucking head in..
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Cosmo
Member
Registered: 29th Mar 01
Location: Im the real one!
User status: Offline
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Has he calmed down yet?
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Kerry
Member
Registered: 5th Oct 01
Location: Norwich
User status: Offline
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