Colin.S
Member
Registered: 19th Oct 02
User status: Offline
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A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."
A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to a gorgeous woman.They exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?" He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
A small guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says: "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown. The small guy faints!The big dude picks up the small guy, brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him, and asks the small guy."What's wrong?" The small guy says, "Excuse me but what did you say?" The big dude looks down and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound leftball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown." The small guy says,"Thank god, I thought you said 'Turn around.'"
A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender inquires."I want 6 shots of Jagermeister,(Strong whiskey)" responded the young man. "6 shots! Are you celebrating something?" "Yeah, my first blowjob.""Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house." "No offence, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, Nothing will."
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kerzo
Member
Registered: 10th Nov 02
Location: Norn Iron
User status: Offline
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What have clouds and women got in common???
once they both fuck off you have a great day!!
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Richie
Member
Registered: 3rd Dec 02
Location: Newport, Wales
User status: Offline
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Black guy walks into a clock shop. The black man goes up to the desk, gets his dick out and whacks it on the counter. The woman totally shocked struggles to say 'Im sorry sir, i think you are mistaken. This is a clock shop, not a cock shop!'. The black man replied 'I know, put two hands on this!'
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Colin.S
Member
Registered: 19th Oct 02
User status: Offline
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The Inventor
This man goes along to the Patent Office with some of his new designs.
He says to the clerk, "I'd like to register my new invention. It's a folding bottle."
"OK," says the clerk. "What do you call it?"
"A fottle, replies the inventor."
"A fottle? That's a stupid! Can't you think of something else?"
"I can think about it. I've got something else though. It's a folding carton."
"And what do you call that?" asks the clerk.
"A farton", replies the inventor.
"That's rude. You can't possibly call it that!"
"In that case," says the inventor...
"You're really going to hate the name of my folding bucket."
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Richie
Member
Registered: 3rd Dec 02
Location: Newport, Wales
User status: Offline
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groom
Member
Registered: 19th Apr 03
Location: In front of my pc
User status: Offline
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Colin.S
Member
Registered: 19th Oct 02
User status: Offline
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What do Kodak film have in common with condoms?
Both capture the moment.
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kerzo
Member
Registered: 10th Nov 02
Location: Norn Iron
User status: Offline
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Have you heard scientists have invented a new super sensitive condom???
it even stays to talk to the woman after sex!!
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Colin.S
Member
Registered: 19th Oct 02
User status: Offline
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im so bloody bored, any more?
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kerzo
Member
Registered: 10th Nov 02
Location: Norn Iron
User status: Offline
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How do you make a woman scream twice during sex??
fuck her up da bum then wipe your cock on her curtains!
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Colin.S
Member
Registered: 19th Oct 02
User status: Offline
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The Test
Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."
The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."
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Rob H
Member
Registered: 28th Oct 00
Location: Staffordshire Drives: Astra SRi
User status: Offline
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Icy
Member
Registered: 31st Jan 01
Location: Edinburgh Drives: Mk3 Golf Gti
User status: Offline
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Scott
Member
Registered: 11th Mar 01
Location: Kilmarnock,Scotland
User status: Offline
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blllllllllllahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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Pablo
Member
Registered: 3rd Feb 03
Location: Milton Keynes
User status: Offline
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LMAO @ some of them!!
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Jason Iles
Member
Registered: 19th Jun 01
Location: Bristol
User status: Offline
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Colin.S
Member
Registered: 19th Oct 02
User status: Offline
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What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?
Popeye almost killed him!
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Ben
Banned
Registered: 12th Jan 03
Location: West Yorkshire
User status: Offline
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pineapple 1 is funny
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