AndyW
Member
Registered: 28th Oct 02
Location: Greater London
User status: Offline
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An eskimo is out in his car when it breaks down and a Welshman stops to help.
The Welshman discovers what the problem is, 'you've blown a seal' he said.
The eskimo replied 'so what, you shag sheep'.
Aer Lingus Flight 101 was flying from Heathrow to
Dublin one night, with Paddy the Pilot, and Seamus the co-pilot.
As they approached Dublin airport, they looked out the
front window. "B'jeesus," said Paddy, "will ye look at how fookin
short dat runway is."
"You're not fookin kiddin, Paddy," replied Seamus.
"Dis is gonna be one a' de trickiest landings you're
ever gonna see," said Paddy.
"You're not fookin kiddin, Paddy," replied Seamus.
"Right Seamus. When I give de signal, you put de
engines in reverse,"said Paddy.
"Right, I'll be doing dat," replied Seamus.
"And den ye put de flaps down straight away," said Paddy.
"Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Seamus.
"And den ye stamp on dem brakes as hard as ye can," said Paddy.
"Right, I'll be doing dat," replied Seamus.
"And den ye pray to de Mother Mary with all a' your soul," said Paddy.
"I'll be doing dat already," replied Seamus.
So they approached the runway with Paddy and Seamus full of nerves
and sweaty palms. As soon as the wheels hit the ground, Seamus put the
engines in reverse, put the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and
prayed to Mother Mary with all of his soul.
Amidst roaring engines, squealing of tires and lots of smoke, the
plane screeched to a halt centimetres from the end of the runway, much to
the relief of Paddy and Seamus and everyone on board.
As they sat in the cockpit regaining their composure, Paddy looked out
the front window and said to Seamus "Dat has gotta be de shortest
fookin runway I have EVER seen in me whole life."
Seamus looked out the side window and replied, "Yeah Paddy, but look
how fookin wide it is."
The following is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation that took place in October 1995,between a US Navy ship off the coast of England, and some British authority. The transcript was released by the MoD.
BRITS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoida collision.
AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North, to avoid a collision.
BRITS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
BRITS: Negative. I say again. You will have to divert your course.
AMERICANS: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST
SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY
THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND
THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT'S 15 DEGREES NORTH,
OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
BRITS: We are a lighthouse. Now F*ck off.
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