drunkenfool
Member
Registered: 7th Feb 03
Location: Hereford Drives: Audi R8 V8
User status: Offline
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1)Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex positions.
One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."
"I don't think I have ever heard of that one", says the other cowboy. "What is it?"
"Well, it's where you get your girlfriend down on all fours, and you mount her from behind, and you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands, and then you whisper in her ear, "Boy, these feel just a little smaller than your sister's" and then you try to hold on for eight seconds !!!!!
2)A young boy comes home from school & his mother says "What did you do today?"
To which the boy answers "oh the usual, I had a math test, I got an A in Spelling and I had sex with my English teacher."
The mother , aghast, doesn't know that to say. She stems & stammers and finally, angrily, she says "go in and tell your father what you just told me!"
The boy goes into see his father and says "gee, mom sure is mad." The father says "why?"
"I just told her what I did in school today. I had a math test, I got an A in Spelling and I had sex with my English teacher."
Well the father is beside himself with joy. He gives his son a nudge and a wink and says "congratulations -- you passed a milestone. I tell you what --let's go out and celebrate. We'll have some ice cream and then I'll buy you a new bike."
To which the boy says --"the ice cream sounds great Dad, but let's hold off on the bike a few days -- my ass is killing me."
3)A woman goes to her doctors for a check up an while she's gettin her clothes off the doctor asks why she's got what looks like scabs on her knees , she replies that there not scabs , there carpet burns!
The doctor asks why she's got them, she answers well you get them from doing it doggie style ,
The doctor then says well why cant you change position while you get your knees cleaned up?
The woman then answers its the only way the dog can do it!!!!
4)Q. What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A. A paedophile.
5)My New Car Stereo
I've just bought the most up-to-date car stereo money can buy,
if i shout "Rock" at it, it plays Guns "n" Roses, if i shout "Soul"
at it, it plays Otis Redding.
Driving home from work last week two 8 year old boys ran out in
front of me forcing me to brake suddenly, i wound down the window
and shouted F****** kids, the stereo started playing Gary Glitter.
6)couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party.
The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party
alone.
He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was
going to
take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his goodtime to
be spoiled
by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and
as it was
still early, decided to go to the party. As her husband didn't know what
her costume
was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted
when she was not with him.
So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on
the dance
floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel
here and a
little kiss there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe
herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her.
She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.
After more
drinks he finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she
agreed, so
off
they went to one of the cars and had intercourse in the back seat.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put
the
costume
away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up
for his
outrageous behaviour. She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she
asked what
kind of time he had.
"Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're
not there."
Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got
there, I met
Pete, Bill Brown
and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all
evening."
"You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all
night!"
she said with unashamed sarcasm.
To which the husband replied,
"Actually, I gave my costume to your Dad, apparently he had the time of
his life."
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drunkenfool
Member
Registered: 7th Feb 03
Location: Hereford Drives: Audi R8 V8
User status: Offline
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ttt in case anyone needs a laugh! 
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kerzo
Member
Registered: 10th Nov 02
Location: Norn Iron
User status: Offline
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Thsi guy was out playing golf and his partner said to him " what kind of ball is that?"
the guy replied "it's this new one they have just developed, unbreakable, unscuffable, glows in the dark, has its own radar, goes miles, spin control and look......(throws in water).....it even floats, best ball money can buy!!)
so his partner asks what shop he got it in
the guy repiles...."Dunno i found it on the course!!"
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