Nick-S
Member
Registered: 3rd Mar 04
Location: Leigh. Drives: RS Megane 230 F1 Team R26
User status: Offline
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..jokes?
Yes i am bord
[Edited on 16-04-2004 by GSi_16v]
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Marc
Member
Registered: 11th Aug 02
Location: York
User status: Offline
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sassyminx
Member
Registered: 10th Jan 04
Location: Hartlepool Drives: Cossie
User status: Offline
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lol
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Nick-S
Member
Registered: 3rd Mar 04
Location: Leigh. Drives: RS Megane 230 F1 Team R26
User status: Offline
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 PMSL
I dont get it!
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--DAN--
Member
Registered: 3rd Feb 03
Location: Bottesford. Drives;3 Series
User status: Offline
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Here's another pic of them in the early days
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Nick-S
Member
Registered: 3rd Mar 04
Location: Leigh. Drives: RS Megane 230 F1 Team R26
User status: Offline
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Pablo
Member
Registered: 3rd Feb 03
Location: Milton Keynes
User status: Offline
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they on tv other nite - wot mess
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Nick-S
Member
Registered: 3rd Mar 04
Location: Leigh. Drives: RS Megane 230 F1 Team R26
User status: Offline
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So no 1 as got any jokes then
U borin sods
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Alex
Member
Registered: 9th Feb 03
Location: Nottingham
User status: Offline
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never date a retarded dwarf
its just not big and its not clever
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Nick-S
Member
Registered: 3rd Mar 04
Location: Leigh. Drives: RS Megane 230 F1 Team R26
User status: Offline
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Old but funny
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Nick-S
Member
Registered: 3rd Mar 04
Location: Leigh. Drives: RS Megane 230 F1 Team R26
User status: Offline
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Wot do u say 2 a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothin uve told her 2 times!
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Dom
Member
Registered: 13th Sep 03
User status: Offline
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A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!
Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
Blonde: (looking shocked) Oh, you mean with one guy
Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A: You can only put 3 fingers in a bowling ball
Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...
Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A: Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!?
Anyone got any more sexist females jokes like GSi's? thats was funneh as fook
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Nick-S
Member
Registered: 3rd Mar 04
Location: Leigh. Drives: RS Megane 230 F1 Team R26
User status: Offline
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FPMSL
Chears mate
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Nick-S
Member
Registered: 3rd Mar 04
Location: Leigh. Drives: RS Megane 230 F1 Team R26
User status: Offline
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A Blond girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a
garment on the counter.
"I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she says.
"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
"No" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."
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Nick-S
Member
Registered: 3rd Mar 04
Location: Leigh. Drives: RS Megane 230 F1 Team R26
User status: Offline
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An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and
bleeding. The paramedics soon arrive on site.
Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some questions?"
Girl: "OK"
Medic: "What's your name?"
Girl: "Sharon."
Medic: "OK Sharon, is this your car?"
Sharon: "Yes."
Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
Sharon: "Romford, mate."
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Dom
Member
Registered: 13th Sep 03
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by GSi_16v
A Blond girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a
garment on the counter.
"I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she says.
"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
"No" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."
old but quality
second one is lame mate  lol
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Nick-S
Member
Registered: 3rd Mar 04
Location: Leigh. Drives: RS Megane 230 F1 Team R26
User status: Offline
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Another Blond girl was involved in a serious crash; there's blood
everywhere.
The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's
lying flat out on the floor.
Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
Blond: "Ok."
Medic: "Ok the how many fingers am I putting up?"
Blond: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"
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BigSte
Member
Registered: 27th Aug 02
Location: Sheffield
User status: Offline
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Why did God create woman?
To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
The swallow
How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?
Phone her.
What is the definition of "making love"?
Something a woman does while a guy is fcuking her.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down and use a lubricant.
What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak
How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb?
None, let the bitch cook in the dark.
What's the difference between pre-menstrual tension and B.S.E?
One's mad cow disease, the other's an agricultural problem.
Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator
What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
You made her chain too long.
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry it!
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
What are the three fastest means of communication?
a) Internet
b) Telephone
c) Telawoman
Why do hunters make the best lovers?
Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and they eat what they shoot.
How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
How is a woman like a condom?
Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.
How are twisters (tornadoes) and marriage alike?
They both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end you lose your house.
Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
She knows she's given her last blowjob.
What's the difference between your wife and your job?
After 10 years the job still sucks.
What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.
Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.
Why did the woman cross the road?
What's the bitch doing out of the kitchen in the first place?!
Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?
Cause it doesn't need cleaning yet
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BigSte
Member
Registered: 27th Aug 02
Location: Sheffield
User status: Offline
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Q) What doesn't belong in this list: Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A) Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.
Q) Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A) So men can be open minded.
Q) What's the speed limit of sex?
A) 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.
Q) What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A) The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
Q) What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?
A) You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
Q) Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A) "Is it in?"
Q) What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A) A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
Q) What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A) Melt them down make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Q) What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A) They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.
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BigSte
Member
Registered: 27th Aug 02
Location: Sheffield
User status: Offline
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There's an Italian, a Frenchman and an Irishman:
The Italian says, "When I have a-finished makina love with my girl-a-friend, I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees. She floatsa 6 inches abova da bed in ecstasy".
The Frenchman replies, "Zat is nothing, when Ah 'ave finished making ze love with ze girlfriend Ah kiss all ze way down her body and zen Ah lick ze soles of her feet wiz mah tongue and she floats 12 inches above ze bed in pure ecstasy".
The Irishman says, "Dat's nottin'. When Oi've finished shaggin' me bord, I get out of da bed, walk over to d'window and wipe me knob on the curtains. She hits the fockin' roof everytime."
A young teenage girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl.
The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighbourhood, but little old Grandma.
The young girl was frantic. Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?" Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.
"Mmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma. "I think I'll have some myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line.
A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But you're so old... how do you do it?"
Grandma replied, "Oh, it's quite easy, sonny... I just remove my dentures and suck 'em dry!"
There's a young couple in the cinema. The girl says, "I must have a piss, can I squeeze past you?"
"Why don't you squat down on the floor and do it" says the boyfriend. "You'll have to disturb all these people, besides its dark, no one will see you."
"OK" she says. She pulls her drawers down and squats on the floor. The bloke starts feeling horny at the thought of her down there, so he reaches down and makes a grab.
He feels something long and hard and says, "Urgh! Have you changed your sex?"
"No" she says "I've changed my mind... I'm having a sh*t instead."
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BigSte
Member
Registered: 27th Aug 02
Location: Sheffield
User status: Offline
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David Beckham was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. Posh
wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but was very reluctant to
pay
the
high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the 'no haggle' attitude of one
of the shopkeepers, David shouted, 'Maybe I'll just go out and catch
my
own
alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!'
The shopkeeper said, 'By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck
out and catch yourself a big one!' Determined, David and Posh turned
and
headed for the swamps, set on catching an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots
Becks standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he
sees
a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward him. He takes aim,
kills
the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp
bank.
Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper
watches in amazement. Just then Becks flips the alligator on its back,
and
frustrated, shouts out, 'AAGGHHHH, this one isn't wearing any shoes
either!'
Bruce is driving over the Sydney Harbour Bridge one day when he sees
his
girlfriend, Sheila about to throw herself off.
Bruce slams on the brakes and yells, "Sheila, what the hell d'ya think
you're doing?"
Sheila turns around with a tear in her eye and says, "G'day Bruce. Ya
got me pregnant and so now I'm gonna kill myself."
Bruce gets a lump in his throat when he hears this.
He says "Strewth Sheila.....Not only are you a great shag, but you're a real
sport too." And drives off.
A pregnant Irish woman from Dublin is envolved in a car accident and
falls into a deep coma.
Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer
pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "Ma'am you had twins! a boy and a girl.
Your brother from Dublin came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh No, not my brother... he's an idiot!"
She asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise."
"Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's name?"
"Denephew"
An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman were in a pub, talking about
their sons.
My son was born on St George's Day," commented the Englishman. "So we
obviously decided to call him George."
"That's a real coincidence," remarked the Scot. "My son was born on St
Andrew's Day, so obviously we decided to call him Andrew."
"That's incredible, what a coincidence," said the Irishman."Exactly
the same thing happened with my son Pancake."
There's an Englishman, Irishman & Scotsman all talking about their
teenage daughters.
The Englishman says " I was cleaning my daughter's room the
other day & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I
didn't even know she smokes".
The Scotsman says "That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room
the other day when I came across a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank."
With that the Irishman says "Both of you have got nothing to worry
about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found a packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a c*ck."
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BigSte
Member
Registered: 27th Aug 02
Location: Sheffield
User status: Offline
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An Essex girl goes to the local authority to register for child benefit.
"How many children?" asks the council worker.
"8!" replies the Essex girl
"8??" asks the incredulous council worker. "What are their names?"
"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne"
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Naah, mate!" says the Essex girl "its great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout
WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed worker.
"Hah! That's easy," says the girl. "I just use their surnames"
An Essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment
on the counter.
"I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she says.
"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
"No" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."
An Essex girl enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.
The man says "Choose from our range on the wall."
She says "I'll take the red one."
The man replies "That's the fire extinguisher."
An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and
bleeding. The paramedics soon arrive on site.
Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some
questions?"
Girl: "OK"
Medic: "What's your name?"
Girl: "Sharon."
Medic: "OK Sharon, is this your car?"
Sharon: "Yes."
Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
Sharon: "Hackney, mate."
An Essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang. It was
her boyfriend, urgently warning her,
"Treacle, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the A13. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car!" said the Essex girl, "There's hundreds of them!"
Another Essex girl was involved in a serious crash; there's blood
everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car
till she's lying flat out on the floor.
Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
Sharon: "Ok."
Medic: "Ok the how many fingers am I putting up?"
Sharon: "Oh my God! I'm paralysed from the waist down?"
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BigSte
Member
Registered: 27th Aug 02
Location: Sheffield
User status: Offline
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enough yet?
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Nick-S
Member
Registered: 3rd Mar 04
Location: Leigh. Drives: RS Megane 230 F1 Team R26
User status: Offline
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An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit.
"How many children?" asks the council worker
"10" replies the Essex girl
"10???" says the council worker.. "What are their names?"
"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne,
Wayne and Wayne"
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Naah..." says the Essex girl "its great because if they are out
playing in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S
READY or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed
council worker.
"That's easy," says the girl... "I just use their surnames"
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Stuckey
Member
Registered: 5th Jun 02
Location: Plumstead, Greater London
User status: Offline
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an essex girl walks in a sex shop an says
girl - "i'd like a dildo"
man - "we have hundreds on that wall over there"
girl - " how about that big red one"
man - "sorry loves thats a fire extuinguisher"
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