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Author Online Dumping letters
Daimo B
Member

Registered: 20th Mar 00
User status: Offline
21st Jan 09 at 09:51   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

No, its not for me

Theres a few legendary dumping letters/emails knocking around, some of them are damn comical.

Anyone got them to hand anywhere?
Ojc
Member

Registered: 14th Nov 00
Location: Reading: Drives : Clio 197
User status: Offline
21st Jan 09 at 09:57   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

Moving away from dumping letters for a moment, the best letter I've ever read was that complaint to BT, quite simply amazing.
K2 GTi
Member

Registered: 21st Oct 04
User status: Offline
21st Jan 09 at 09:57   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

google?
K2 GTi
Member

Registered: 21st Oct 04
User status: Offline
21st Jan 09 at 09:57   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

which is the BT one?

the spider one is amazing TBH if anyone has seen it
Ojc
Member

Registered: 14th Nov 00
Location: Reading: Drives : Clio 197
User status: Offline
21st Jan 09 at 09:59   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

The BT one is awesome. Google it
Ojc
Member

Registered: 14th Nov 00
Location: Reading: Drives : Clio 197
User status: Offline
21st Jan 09 at 10:01   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

Dear Cretins,
I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for
your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this
three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had
not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity
of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details,
so that you can either pursue your professional perogative, and seek to
rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can
have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working
day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:
My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my
spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your
technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57
minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more
annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful
website....HOW?
I alleviated the boredom by playing with my t..ticles for a few minutes
- an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept.
The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later,
although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools -
such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem
had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem
arrived... six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.
I estimate your internet server's downtime is roughly 35%... hours
between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend. I am
still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on my
mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a
variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly
skilled bollock jugglers.
I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone
will call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone
will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows
whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off);
that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an
answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be
transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating
Scottish robot woman...and several other variations on this theme.
Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a
thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of
those crucially important t..ticle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't
care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustration's
in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me,
therefore, if I continue.
I thought BT were s.it, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of godawful
customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more
disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to
their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't
anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered
to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless
shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of
distended rectum incompetents of the highest order.
British Telecom - w..nkers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons
of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless
inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and
foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that
you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for
the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to
deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and
disbelief quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused
rage. I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my
cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for
both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not
become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the
time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did
not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them
the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless
employees.
Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you
irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of *****.
John
Daimo B
Member

Registered: 20th Mar 00
User status: Offline
21st Jan 09 at 10:02   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

Post away, have time to read funny sh1t today.
liamC
Member

Registered: 28th Feb 04
User status: Offline
21st Jan 09 at 10:23   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

^^^

Even the first line had me laughing "Dear Cretins"

K2 GTi
Member

Registered: 21st Oct 04
User status: Offline
21st Jan 09 at 10:27   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote



Fro
Member

Registered: 20th Jun 06
Location: Rainham, Essex Drives: A3 2.0TDi Sport
User status: Offline
21st Jan 09 at 10:29   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

There are ones we've had from a guy that was a future employee that owes us money.

Just looking for them now.



[Edited on 21-01-2009 by fro-dizzle]
Neo
Member

Registered: 20th Feb 07
Location: Essex
User status: Offline
21st Jan 09 at 10:32   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

That always makes me giggle
Fro
Member

Registered: 20th Jun 06
Location: Rainham, Essex Drives: A3 2.0TDi Sport
User status: Offline
21st Jan 09 at 10:33   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

Found them
1. sent 22/12/2008

To whom it may concern, i'm writting to inform you that i do not agree with this accusation that is made against me.. Fisrtly before i left the decision was made for me to take a gardening leave i did'nt even know that there is such thing as a gardening leave. I was advised by a team leader. I worked for thetechguys for three years and i think i still should have been paid more. Also most of my overtime was never paid,the house that you are wrighting to is a house i stayed in since i'm homeless because of how Capita treated me. Forcing me to resign and making me sign a letter knowing that i was stressed. Also the CSA are saying that they were not taking £186.00 and your company claims the CSA was taking that much. I would love to stand in the court of law with your firm , it would be an honor and privelege. Please talk to your solicitors. After three years of service this is what i get. No wounder why real techs left and just left with bullsheaters.The people who own the adress you's wrighting to will not take that kind of rubbish they know the law. You used me for a cheap price and now you want to deny me my freedom? Ha. Why try running a technical call center when you do not understand techs?I think your firm is in need of money and will do anything to get it. I have news for you , what can the court of law do to a homeless man who was betrayed by his employer? Only one way to find out. I will be waiting ladies and gentle men. I think they might end up giving me shelter (prison) I like that. Sine you're trying to use the law to try and fuck me , i have written my own law
section 5 of the eighth audience act control states that evey man has got the right to leave a job when he pleases and when advised to take a special paid holiday then so be it.
I WILL STATE THIS IN THE COURT OF LAW.
please contact our customer services on 07771******
I they cannot help fuck your slave half brains and stick then in your ass. I like that hmmmm. Being able to access tax man uncle sam records does not give you the right to pull my dick. Fuck off send me to prison , i will be on income support when i come out
and wanking like a gentle man. Be quick about it my thongs are wet you mother fuckers. Theives you think
Tata
PY100****

2. sent 25/12/2008
I wish i could say mary christmas , but you are ass holes and im not scared of you or anything you stand because i know its shit just like you. I will push you till you send me to prison because i have nothing left to live for. FUCK YOUR FIRM AND YOUR UGLY MOTHERS. You think making me sign papers after i hand in fa month's notice gives you the right to send crap letters to the only people who took me in after i was homeless. FUCK YOU BUSTARDS. You need to get laid here's a link.
http://www.cliphunter.com/w/242977/homemade_amateur_mature_couple_14

GET LAID YOU FAT BUSTARDS.

SEND ME TO PRISON HAHAHAHAHAHAH
You think you can make a slave for three years working 40hour shifts , not paying over time pay some money after tricking them to to a poxy gardening leave fuck off.I WIOULD RATHER GO TO PRISON

PY100****

3. sent 25/12/2008
ALL I SAID TO YOU, ITS JUST A MASSEGE FROM THE RED INDIAN. He told me to say it and i did my job just like GABHITA TOLD ME TO. FUCK YOU UGLY BUSTARDS SEND ME TO PRISON HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA.
I will tell the judge the truth because they keep pulling my thongs haha.FUCK YOUR SUITS THEY ARE UGLY AND TOO THEIVING FROM THE WORKING CLASS.I'M Abbey Hoffman , Makavelli, Lemon Chicken underware. ASK STEVE ROUGHTON HE KNOWS ABOUT THE DYING CHICKEN. Picture this i will be in a hotel very soon GOD BLESS THE QUEEN. NO MERRY CHRISTMAS TO GABHITA SLAVES , SET YOUR SELVES FREE FROM LEM OF CHICKEN.CHICKEN CHICKEN HAHHAHHAAHA. STEVE TELL THEM , THEY DONT HAVE A BRAIN LEFT DUE TO LACK OF SEX, TRY FINDING THE G-SPOT , A good place to start.

Talk to the people i last spoke to, they know that i want to go to prison , do this this for as a present, its christmass help me please. I have slready destroyed my belongings. I KNOW YOU PICKED ON A CONTRACT YOU CANT DEAL WITH NOT QUALIFID RATHER. BUT ITS NOT MY LEMON. FUCK YOUR SOLICITORS I WILL SEND A NIGGER TO FUCK THEIR MOTHERSHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHHA

As you can see he has problems.....


[Edited on 21-01-2009 by fro-dizzle]
dannymccann
Member

Registered: 9th Aug 06
Location: Doddington, Lincolnshire
User status: Offline
21st Jan 09 at 10:34   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

Good so far Need more
Neo
Member

Registered: 20th Feb 07
Location: Essex
User status: Offline
21st Jan 09 at 10:39   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

the fuck gervais !!!!! What did you do to him
Fro
Member

Registered: 20th Jun 06
Location: Rainham, Essex Drives: A3 2.0TDi Sport
User status: Offline
21st Jan 09 at 10:45   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

Don't have a clue mate All i know is he use to work for us and he was overpaid when he left/got sacked. So he got an invoice from us, and thats how it started
Twiggy
Member

Registered: 15th Oct 04
User status: Offline
21st Jan 09 at 10:47   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

quote:
Originally posted by fro-dizzle

[Edited on 21-01-2009 by fro-dizzle]


i wanna work there!!!
liamC
Member

Registered: 28th Feb 04
User status: Offline
21st Jan 09 at 11:06   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

there is a one from a boy who phones in sick and they rumble him because he said so on facebook or something. anyone got that one?
Neo
Member

Registered: 20th Feb 07
Location: Essex
User status: Offline
21st Jan 09 at 11:20   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

quote:


I know the counsellor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact.

In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says...

"There's no one like you, Susan." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Ithaca Bar and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Jugs you wouldn't believe and an ass like a tortoise shell. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean?

Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes. But you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Susan? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I Don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little.

Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some fucking feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Connie, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.

Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story.

Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad, too. Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Connie ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex toy."

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Connie, she really is. So we're doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry.

And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you. It's true, Connie. In your heart you must know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we can.

If you feel the same please, please, please let me know.

Otherwise, can you let me know where the fucking remote is.

Love, Dan




[Edited on 21-01-2009 by Neo]
Daimo B
Member

Registered: 20th Mar 00
User status: Offline
21st Jan 09 at 12:34   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

Neo, thats the one I was thinking of lol
dannymccann
Member

Registered: 9th Aug 06
Location: Doddington, Lincolnshire
User status: Offline
21st Jan 09 at 12:53   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

Love it Neo
flybikeslee
Member

Registered: 2nd Jan 07
Location: Liverpool
User status: Offline
21st Jan 09 at 13:10   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

spider one is awesome
Shell
Premium Member

Registered: 14th Oct 08
User status: Offline
21st Jan 09 at 13:42   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

Neo's is hilarious
CorsAsh
Member

Registered: 19th Apr 02
Location: Munich
User status: Offline
21st Jan 09 at 17:08   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

The one to Leith Police that mentions "being Muslim without due care and attention" cracks me up.
Shell
Premium Member

Registered: 14th Oct 08
User status: Offline
21st Jan 09 at 20:04   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

quote:
Originally posted by CorsAsh
The one to Leith Police that mentions "being Muslim without due care and attention" cracks me up.

That's the first one I thought of With kids kicking a ball against his fence?
dannymccann
Member

Registered: 9th Aug 06
Location: Doddington, Lincolnshire
User status: Offline
21st Jan 09 at 20:04   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

Yea we need that one!

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