Tomnova16
Premium Member
Registered: 21st Jan 06
Location: Gerrards Cross Drives: Porsche 911
User status: Offline
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A black man approached me and said "can you tell me how to get to the train station please?."
I said 'certainly monkey face. You go past the jerk chicken, around the grape soda and mohammads your cotton-picker, its opposite the banana.'
As i lay here in hospital, im thinking to myself... Thats the last time i eat those fucking rowntrees randoms!
http://www.lemass.co.uk/ for all your automotive/bodyshop needs
Located in Chalfont st Peter
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IvIarkgraham
Premium Member
Registered: 27th Mar 04
Location: Ellesmere Port, Cheshire
User status: Offline
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Words cannot describe my feelings right now
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mike56gte
Member
Registered: 23rd Jun 09
Location: Fife, scotland Drives: Audi S3
User status: Offline
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Twitch
Member
Registered: 3rd Nov 09
Location: Flitwick, Bedfordshire
User status: Offline
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When a man ejaculates it comes out at 20MPH....
Which means its perfectly safe to hit a child!
A fat girl served me in McDonalds today...she said "sorry about the wait."
I replied " dont worry you fat bitch you'll loose it eventually!"
My missus came home drunk yesterday afternoon. while she was trying to get undressed she fell over and knocked herself out. her knickers were around her ankles with her pussy clearly on show.... There was no chance i was going to miss an opportunity like this!!!
So i went out with the lads!
A man is queueing at the 5 items or less checkout.
The girl in front of him turns around and looks at his basket. he has a 4 pack of lager and a meal for one. she smiles at him. he looks in her basket and sees a half bottle of lambrini and also a meal for one. he says " you're single aren't you?"
She gives a girly giggle and says " yes how did you know?"
The man replies " cause your an ugly twat!"
[Edited on 27-08-2010 by Twitch]
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Graham88
Member
Registered: 16th Apr 07
Location: South East Kent Drives: E46 M3
User status: Offline
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quote: Originally posted by Tomnova16
A black man approached me and said "can you tell me how to get to the train station please?."
I said 'certainly monkey face. You go past the jerk chicken, around the grape soda and mohammads your cotton-picker, its opposite the banana.'
As i lay here in hospital, im thinking to myself... Thats the last time i eat those fucking rowntrees randoms!
Fpmsl
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Rich H
Member
Registered: 26th Oct 05
Location: West Sussex Drives: E46 M3
User status: Offline
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
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Twiggy
Member
Registered: 15th Oct 04
User status: Offline
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Rickavo
Member
Registered: 2nd Jul 09
Location: Manchester
User status: Offline
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quote: Originally posted by Twitch
A fat girl served me in McDonalds today...she said "sorry about the wait."
I replied " dont worry you fat bitch you'll loose it eventually!"
My missus came home drunk yesterday afternoon. while she was trying to get undressed she fell over and knocked herself out. her knickers were around her ankles with her pussy clearly on show.... There was no chance i was going to miss an opportunity like this!!!
So i went out with the lads!
A man is queueing at the 5 items or less checkout.
The girl in front of him turns around and looks at his basket. he has a 4 pack of lager and a meal for one. she smiles at him. he looks in her basket and sees a half bottle of lambrini and also a meal for one. he says " you're single aren't you?"
She gives a girly giggle and says " yes how did you know?"
The man replies " cause your an ugly twat!"
[Edited on 27-08-2010 by Twitch]

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Tomnova16
Premium Member
Registered: 21st Jan 06
Location: Gerrards Cross Drives: Porsche 911
User status: Offline
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Some people say that firefighters deserve more money, but apparently a poll was taken and they all fell through a hole in the floor.
http://www.lemass.co.uk/ for all your automotive/bodyshop needs
Located in Chalfont st Peter
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All Torque
Member
Registered: 17th Nov 05
Location: Milton Keynes Drives: Ford Focus TDCi
User status: Offline
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My wife left me last week and I haven't had sex since. She took the kids with her.....
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boz_gsi
Member
Registered: 12th Apr 07
Location: stoke-on-trent
User status: Offline
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quote: Originally posted by Tomnova16
Some people say that firefighters deserve more money, but apparently a poll was taken and they all fell through a hole in the floor.
bin watching mock the week too then i take it haha
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Ben J
Member
Registered: 31st Jan 05
Location: Cheshire
User status: Offline
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What's (buffering 21%) the (buffering 45%) best way (buffering 69%) to lose (buffering 86%) a (buffering 100%) hard-on?
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Ben J
Member
Registered: 31st Jan 05
Location: Cheshire
User status: Offline
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I went to the doctor's the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female, drop-dead gorgeous!I was embarrassed but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional - I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll help you in any way I can."I said, "I think my cock tastes funny..."
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Ben J
Member
Registered: 31st Jan 05
Location: Cheshire
User status: Offline
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At the store where I work, a lady was trying to return some of her teenage daughter's underwear that didn't fit properly. We have a strict "no underwear returns" policy...Normally.
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Ben J
Member
Registered: 31st Jan 05
Location: Cheshire
User status: Offline
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A bloke is driving happily along in his car with his girlfriend when he's pulled over by the police. The police officer approaches him and asks, "Have you been drinking, Sir?""No. Why?" replies the man. "Was I all over the road?""No," replies the officer, "You were driving splendidly. It was the ugly fat bird in the passenger seat that made me suspicious."
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Tomnova16
Premium Member
Registered: 21st Jan 06
Location: Gerrards Cross Drives: Porsche 911
User status: Offline
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quote: Originally posted by boz_gsi
quote: Originally posted by Tomnova16
Some people say that firefighters deserve more money, but apparently a poll was taken and they all fell through a hole in the floor.
bin watching mock the week too then i take it haha
Oh yes 
it's hard to say what my mrs does for a living.
She sells sea shells on the sea shore
http://www.lemass.co.uk/ for all your automotive/bodyshop needs
Located in Chalfont st Peter
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MarkSport
Member
Registered: 22nd May 09
User status: Offline
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A guy comes home
to his wife one evening with a big bunch of flowers and she says "I suppose this
means I have to get on my back with my legs open for the next three days".
The husband says "Why? Don't you have any vase?
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Tomnova16
Premium Member
Registered: 21st Jan 06
Location: Gerrards Cross Drives: Porsche 911
User status: Offline
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Wife treats husband to a lapdance for his birthday. As they arrive the doorman at the lapdance club says "Ok, Jim hows tricks?" His wife says "How does he know you?", Jim says "Err, I play football with him". Inside the bar the landlord says "The usual, Jim?" Quickly Jim tells his wife "Before you say owt he's on my darts team in me local". Next a lapdancer says "Hi, Jim, do you want the special again?". His wife storms out dragging Jim out too. They jump in a taxi and the driver says "**** me Jim, you've pulled a right minger this time!!
http://www.lemass.co.uk/ for all your automotive/bodyshop needs
Located in Chalfont st Peter
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Bissmire
Member
Registered: 30th Sep 08
User status: Offline
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My Mum always used to tuck me in when I was younger.
She always did want a girl...
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Jakey
Premium Member
Registered: 4th Jun 07
Location: Sandbach
User status: Offline
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I fucked a girl in an apple orchard.
I came in cider.
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Bissmire
Member
Registered: 30th Sep 08
User status: Offline
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I fucked a girl in a vinyard.
I made her wine
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Jakey
Premium Member
Registered: 4th Jun 07
Location: Sandbach
User status: Offline
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I fucked a girl with a stutter last night
It was great, i managed to finish before she said no.
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Bissmire
Member
Registered: 30th Sep 08
User status: Offline
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Jakey
Premium Member
Registered: 4th Jun 07
Location: Sandbach
User status: Offline
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I was sucking off this bird last night when i thought, "wait a minute..."
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Tomnova16
Premium Member
Registered: 21st Jan 06
Location: Gerrards Cross Drives: Porsche 911
User status: Offline
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Did you hear about the blind circumcicionist?
He got the sack
http://www.lemass.co.uk/ for all your automotive/bodyshop needs
Located in Chalfont st Peter
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