little_duke
Member
Registered: 21st Aug 06
Location: Tamworth,staffordshire Drives: rover coupe
User status: Offline
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an irish man has to test fly a chopper
after hovering above the clouds for 10 minutes the helicopter comings crashing down and blows up,emergency crews and officials run to the scene and ask if hes ok
yeah im fine replied the irish man
the owner of the aircraft says"well what happened then"?
the irish man replies
"it was cold up there so i turned the fan off"
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DAZ1985
Member
Registered: 3rd Sep 06
Location: Scholar Green, Cheshire
User status: Offline
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/\ 
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little_duke
Member
Registered: 21st Aug 06
Location: Tamworth,staffordshire Drives: rover coupe
User status: Offline
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an irish man goes for a good as a handy man at a builders
the manager says
"can you mix cement?" NO
can you lay slabs?" NO
"can you build a wall?" NO
he then says
"WELL whats handy about you?"
the irish man replies
"i live round the corner"
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adamC20xe
Member
Registered: 19th Oct 05
Location: fife
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Mattss Corsa
Be Careful With That Viagra
Q: Did you hear about the man who swallowed his Viagra too slowly?
A: He got a stiff neck.
i've got viagra eye drops,
they make me look hard as fuck
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little_duke
Member
Registered: 21st Aug 06
Location: Tamworth,staffordshire Drives: rover coupe
User status: Offline
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paddy and murphey walking down a road
paddy falls down a manhole and shouts
"murphey call me an ambulance"
PADDYS AN AMBULANCE,PADDYS AN AMBULANCE
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johnhara1
Member
Registered: 19th Oct 06
Location: Newcastle upon Tyne
User status: Offline
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Paddy is driving home pissed out his head.
All of a sudden paddy see's a tree in the middle of the road, he swerves left, swerves right but theres too many trees so paddy swerves all the way down the road.
A passing police officer stops paddy for his erratic driving so paddy explains to the police officer about the trees in the road.
The officer replies: "FFS paddy!, thats your air freshner!"
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Scotty_B
Member
Registered: 11th Jun 03
Location: East Kilbride
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by adamC20xe
quote:
Originally posted by Mattss Corsa
Be Careful With That Viagra
Q: Did you hear about the man who swallowed his Viagra too slowly?
A: He got a stiff neck.
i've got viagra eye drops,
they make me look hard as fuck
Funny that, I dropped a Viagra in a lift and it refused to come down.
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dan_c4rsa
Member
Registered: 12th Dec 06
Location: North Yorks Drives: MK3 Seat Cupra
User status: Offline
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A manis out on the lash and walks into a toilet. Beside him is a really short man with a ging beard but with a huge dong.
'Jeebus! That thing is massive, i'd love to have one of those!'
'well. says the little man in an irish accent, it just so happens i can give you one'
'eh?' Says the man
'Well it happens that im a leprechaun and i can grant you one wish, but you have to do something for me!'
'Anything!' Says the man.
So they go over to a cubicle, the leprechaun takes out his shclonger and starts pounding the guy.
While obliterating the guy in the cubicle, the small man says 'How old are you son?'
'Nnnnnngh....ngghh....30' He replies with eyes clenched
'Thats just sad' Says the short irish man, '30 years old and you still beleive in leprechauns!'
[Edited on 24-10-2007 by dan_c4rsa]
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johnhara1
Member
Registered: 19th Oct 06
Location: Newcastle upon Tyne
User status: Offline
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Mad Mary was speedin around the mental home as usual in her wheelchair.
Mad Joe stopped her and asked her for her license. "Sh*t" she said and sped off around the corner.
Mad Jim then stopped her and asked her for Insurance. "F*ck" she said and sped off again at speed!.
Around the next corner she met BIG JOHN standing start naked with a massive errection!
"Oh No!" she said, "Not the Breathaliser again"
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johnhara1
Member
Registered: 19th Oct 06
Location: Newcastle upon Tyne
User status: Offline
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63 paki's died in bradford this morning. It was not a terrorist attack, a fucking bunk bed collapsed! They are blaming it on Al-ikea.
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dan_c4rsa
Member
Registered: 12th Dec 06
Location: North Yorks Drives: MK3 Seat Cupra
User status: Offline
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whats one asian on the moon? a problem
whats 2 asians on the moon? a bigge problem
whats al the asians in the world on the moon?
Problem solved!
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johnhara1
Member
Registered: 19th Oct 06
Location: Newcastle upon Tyne
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by dan_c4rsa
whats one asian on the moon? a problem
whats 2 asians on the moon? a bigge problem
whats al the asians in the world on the moon?
Problem solved!
RACIST!
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dan_c4rsa
Member
Registered: 12th Dec 06
Location: North Yorks Drives: MK3 Seat Cupra
User status: Offline
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im spreading what i hear. lol not what i make 
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dan_c4rsa
Member
Registered: 12th Dec 06
Location: North Yorks Drives: MK3 Seat Cupra
User status: Offline
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A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to screw your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
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Fonz
Premium Member
Registered: 12th May 06
Location: Newbury, Berks
User status: Offline
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^^
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Fonz
Premium Member
Registered: 12th May 06
Location: Newbury, Berks
User status: Offline
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Teacher to class - What does your Dad do at weekends?
Jonny says "he's a dancer in a gay bar and sometimes if the money is right he lets the punters bang his arse and come in his mouth"
the Teacher pulls Jonny aside at the end of class, "is that true what you said about your Dad?"
"No Miss, truth is he plays rugby for England but i was too embarassed to say!"
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johnhara1
Member
Registered: 19th Oct 06
Location: Newcastle upon Tyne
User status: Offline
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Fonz
Premium Member
Registered: 12th May 06
Location: Newbury, Berks
User status: Offline
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36DD breasts, covered in warm beligium chocolate.....
1 inch erect nipples pierced with gold nipple rings topped with whipped cream....
Clean shaven minge framed by an open crotched leather thong.....
Moist salty clit smothered in blackberry jam...
this is no ordinary porn.....this is Marks and Spencer porn!
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dan_c4rsa
Member
Registered: 12th Dec 06
Location: North Yorks Drives: MK3 Seat Cupra
User status: Offline
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i got a text like that tother day
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Fonz
Premium Member
Registered: 12th May 06
Location: Newbury, Berks
User status: Offline
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Paddy and Mick at a morgue to identify Shamus's body that was badly burnt. Paddy goes 1st, turns the body over looks at his bum "thats not Shamus!"
Mick goes next, turns the body over and he looks at the bum and declares its not Shamus.
The Doc puzzled asked how they knew it wasnt him
Mick replies "Cos when we all used to go out,folk would say "her comes Shamus with the two arseholes"!!
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johnhara1
Member
Registered: 19th Oct 06
Location: Newcastle upon Tyne
User status: Offline
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/\ thats excellent
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Fonz
Premium Member
Registered: 12th May 06
Location: Newbury, Berks
User status: Offline
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Little Jonny walks in on his Mum and Dad having sex. His Dad looks at his sons shocked expression and laughing chucks a pillow at Jonny. A while later Jonny's Dad hears noises down stairs - investigating he finds Jonny slamming one into his gran over the back of the sofa. Jonny looks at him and throws a cushion, laughing he says "not so f8cking funny when its YOUR mum is it?"
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Fonz
Premium Member
Registered: 12th May 06
Location: Newbury, Berks
User status: Offline
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Women are like parkiong spaces. Sometimes all the good ones are taken so when no one is looking you have to stick it into a handicapped one!
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Fonz
Premium Member
Registered: 12th May 06
Location: Newbury, Berks
User status: Offline
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The Best engine in the world is the fanny.
It takes any size piston, is self lubricating, starts with one finger and every four weeks does its own oil change
Its just a pity the management system is so f*cking tempremental!!
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Jules
Member
Registered: 26th Nov 04
Location: Ipswich, Suffolk Status: Happy
User status: Offline
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I was at the cashpoint earlier today and the elderly woman infront of me was struggling with the technology, "excuse me young man, can you just check my balance for me?" she asked.
So I pushed her over.
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