Bissmire
Member
Registered: 30th Sep 08
User status: Offline
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It is reproted that a ginger girl was raped last night in her own home.
Police are still trying to find a motive.
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Ben J
Member
Registered: 31st Jan 05
Location: Cheshire
User status: Offline
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It's been revealed that 90% of Black men wear their socks during sex,
and a balaclava
and have a knife
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Tomnova16
Premium Member
Registered: 21st Jan 06
Location: Gerrards Cross Drives: Porsche 911
User status: Offline
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now that is fucking epic 
holy fuck
http://www.lemass.co.uk/ for all your automotive/bodyshop needs
Located in Chalfont st Peter
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Ben J
Member
Registered: 31st Jan 05
Location: Cheshire
User status: Offline
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I just opened my wheelie bin and a wasp flew out.
What kind of sick fucker would throw a wasp in a bin?
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Ben J
Member
Registered: 31st Jan 05
Location: Cheshire
User status: Offline
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What's the difference between a Jew and a loaf of bread?
A loaf doesn't scream when it's in the oven.
errrm... ...taxi.
[Edited on 17-09-2010 by Ben J]
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Bissmire
Member
Registered: 30th Sep 08
User status: Offline
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I was watching "It's A Knockout" last night on TV, it was hilarious.
People falling in water, balancing things on their head, slipping down slippery slopes and running across rickety bridges. I pissed myself laughing.
Then I realised it was a Pakistan flood relief appeal!
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Ben J
Member
Registered: 31st Jan 05
Location: Cheshire
User status: Offline
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BBC News: Pope compares Atheists with Nazis
How would he know? He's never been an Atheist.
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Bissmire
Member
Registered: 30th Sep 08
User status: Offline
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I have just bought a memory stick for my wife. She hasn't forgotten my beer once since the first beating...
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Ben J
Member
Registered: 31st Jan 05
Location: Cheshire
User status: Offline
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Did you see the disappointment on the Pope's face yesterday when he found out that Necking a Wee Tot was just a shot of whiskey in Scotland
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Pip308
Member
Registered: 25th Oct 07
Location: Basingstoke Drives: Audi A4 Avant, Mk1 Caddy
User status: Offline
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Fucked a girl with ezcma last night
She had cracking tits
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williamz
Member
Registered: 29th Nov 05
Location: stoke-on-trent
User status: Offline
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Stevie wonder got a cheese grater for his birthday
He said it was the most horrific book he had ever read
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RichR
Premium Member
Registered: 17th Oct 01
Location: Waterhouses, Staffordshire
User status: Offline
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George Michael has been forced to give handjobs to his fellow inmates before havign to make them hot chocolate. he is currently working on a new single about his time inside called 'Wank me off before your cocoa!'
[Edited on 17-09-2010 by LiVe LeE]
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Tomnova16
Premium Member
Registered: 21st Jan 06
Location: Gerrards Cross Drives: Porsche 911
User status: Offline
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A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
http://www.lemass.co.uk/ for all your automotive/bodyshop needs
Located in Chalfont st Peter
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chris_uk
Premium Member
Registered: 8th Jul 03
User status: Offline
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The BNP have released a statement saying they are prepaired to send 140 aligators to help in the packistani floods..
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chris_uk
Premium Member
Registered: 8th Jul 03
User status: Offline
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what does a packi and a wank have in common..
its always good to knock one out now and again.
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Adam-D
Member
Registered: 11th May 02
Location: Cheshire
User status: Offline
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flmao
cheerd me up this has 
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mike56gte
Member
Registered: 23rd Jun 09
Location: Fife, scotland Drives: Audi S3
User status: Offline
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some of these are brilliant
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alan-g-w
Member
Registered: 9th Nov 07
Location: Glasgow
User status: Offline
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What do you can an asian lifeguard?
Jahand ya Ambandsin
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mike56gte
Member
Registered: 23rd Jun 09
Location: Fife, scotland Drives: Audi S3
User status: Offline
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OK how about a compromise?
Instead of turning ground zero into a mosque, lets turn a few mosques into ground zero.
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Twitch
Member
Registered: 3rd Nov 09
Location: Flitwick, Bedfordshire
User status: Offline
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So the other day my mate asked me how long i last during sex. I said to him " depends how long it takes the police to get here..."
I'm fed up with the excuses women come out with to avoid sex!!
I'm washing my hair
I'm tired
I've got a headache
I'm your sister....
A girl asks her Doctor how many calories are in cum? He replies " listen love, if you swallow nobody cares how fat you are!"
If a woman is uncomfortable watching you wank do you think?
(a) you need more time togeather?
(b) she's a fucking prude?
(c) she should sit somewhere else on the bus!?
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alan-g-w
Member
Registered: 9th Nov 07
Location: Glasgow
User status: Offline
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Alchohol free beer, it's like oral sex with your sister - it smells the same, tastes the same but all the time you know that something just isn't right...
[Edited on 17-09-2010 by alan-g-w]
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Dave86
Member
Registered: 3rd Jul 05
Location: Greenock
User status: Offline
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these are hilarious
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Bissmire
Member
Registered: 30th Sep 08
User status: Offline
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A horse walks into a bar and the barman says "Why the long face?" The horse, being a horse and thus unable to speak or comprehend the complexities of conversation, does not reply and shits on the floor.
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DannyB
Premium Member
Registered: 6th Feb 08
User status: Offline
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What's worse than stubbing your toe?
The holocaust.
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nick_sri
Member
Registered: 5th May 09
Location: Crewe , Cheshire
User status: Offline
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Paddys wife has never had an orgasm , so they decide to go see a doctor to find out why. after a number of tests the doctor suggests paddys wife maybe overheating during sex and recommends they buy a fan for the bedroom. paddy refuses to buy a fan and decides to get his mate round to waft a towel on them during sex. after about 20 mins of wafting and still no orgasm, his friend suggests a swap."ill shag her , you waft the towel" he says. paddy agrees and within seconds paddys wife is scraming with pleasure. paddys pats his mate on the back and says "....and that my old son , is how you waft a fucking towel!!
not saying coleen rooney is thick but when she heard wayne payed £1200 for a 19 year old escort she asked if it was taxed and mot'd
hairy nipples?? should have gone to pecshavers
[Edited on 18-09-2010 by nick_sri]
[Edited on 18-09-2010 by nick_sri]
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