Tommy
Member
Registered: 24th Aug 00
Location: Essex, Colchester
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by ashleh
So, it finally seems that David Cameron is raising the uni fees. Not to worry, the last thing he tried to raise died at the age of six.
Your a twat tbh
[Edited on 09-12-2010 by Tommy]
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ashleh
Member
Registered: 23rd Dec 08
Location: Nottingham
User status: Offline
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Please elaborate.
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Ian W
Member
Registered: 8th Nov 03
Location: Wirral, Merseyside
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by ashleh
My wife is extremely selfish and has no realistic understanding of our financial situation.
After a huge argument over presents and my lack of funds, she barged past me and hissed
"I'd better have something to unwrap on Christmas morning!"
"You can start with your fucking bandages!" I said; cracking her skull against the wall.
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Bart
Member
Registered: 19th Aug 02
Location: Midsomer Norton, Bristol Avon
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by ashleh
Please elaborate.
First child died I'm guessing.
Whilst I find it slightly funny, it's also sick
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Tommy
Member
Registered: 24th Aug 00
Location: Essex, Colchester
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by ashleh
Please elaborate.
Didnt find it funny and thought u were a twat for posting it.
That enough elaboration ?
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MJFF88
Member
Registered: 30th Apr 08
User status: Offline
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Jemaine Defoe walked into a bar and found the first good looking lass he could find. He approached her and says "grab your coat, you've pulled." She replies "your a little forward"
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_Allan_
Member
Registered: 24th Mar 04
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Tommy
quote:
Originally posted by ashleh
Please elaborate.
Didnt find it funny and thought u were a twat for posting it.
That enough elaboration ?
INTERNET
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MarkSport
Member
Registered: 22nd May 09
User status: Offline
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Chistmas Is like any other day for me...I sit down with a fat bird who doesn't gobble anymore
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MarkSport
Member
Registered: 22nd May 09
User status: Offline
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That awkward moment when Mary scans the XFactor winner's CD at Tesco.
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MarkSport
Member
Registered: 22nd May 09
User status: Offline
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BIG cats are dangerous, But a little pussy never hurt anyone!
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Scotty C
Member
Registered: 6th Nov 05
Location: Kidderminster Drives: 1.6 16v Sport
User status: Offline
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Really don't find the one a out leukaemia funny 
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MarkSport
Member
Registered: 22nd May 09
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Scotty C
Really don't find the one a out leukaemia funny
Agreed, Alex said he fancied a giggle not a knock at ill people.
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DannyB
Premium Member
Registered: 6th Feb 08
User status: Offline
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Lighten the fuck up who ever is moaning, it's a joke, I'm sure you are the type of people to have a sly laugh at Jade Goody jokes or something similar. You better stay out of the sick joke thread then if these offend you 
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SR91
Member
Registered: 21st Jun 08
Location: Lancashire.
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by DannyB
Lighten the fuck up who ever is moaning, it's a joke, I'm sure you are the type of people to have a sly laugh at Jade Goody jokes or something similar. You better stay out of the sick joke thread then if these offend you
This.
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BarnshaW
Member
Registered: 25th Oct 06
User status: Offline
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i dont really care if the leaukemia joke offended you. boo hoo
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Scotty C
Member
Registered: 6th Nov 05
Location: Kidderminster Drives: 1.6 16v Sport
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by DannyB
Lighten the fuck up who ever is moaning, it's a joke, I'm sure you are the type of people to have a sly laugh at Jade Goody jokes or something similar. You better stay out of the sick joke thread then if these offend you
No I'm not, actually. And naturally, I'm going to get offended since I lost my fucking dad to leukaemia. I do apologise.
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ashleh
Member
Registered: 23rd Dec 08
Location: Nottingham
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Tommy
quote:
Originally posted by ashleh
Please elaborate.
Didnt find it funny and thought u were a twat for posting it.
That enough elaboration ?
So you've never had a laugh about something even though you didn't entirely mean it? Such as racism, jade goody, lily allens miscarriage, the miners getting stuck, the twin towers etc etc etc.
[Edited on 11-12-2010 by ashleh]
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MJFF88
Member
Registered: 30th Apr 08
User status: Offline
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Why did Nick Clegg cross the road? Because he said he wouldn't.
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Dom
Member
Registered: 13th Sep 03
User status: Offline
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Police have said that protesters have failed to stick to the agreed route.
To be fair, so have the Lib Dems!
Pornhub - "It makes your dick bigger and your pussy wet"
I can't help but feel that the "and" certainly narrows their audience.
The gorgeous woman from next door popped round today and said,"Hello handsome, are you free tonight?"
I said, "Er... wow... yes, yes I am."
She said, "Brilliant, can you watch my daughter while I go out?"
Ah well, when one door closes, another one opens.
At least after the 2022 World Cup, Qatar will have some cracking stadiums to stone women in.
Last week my girlfriend said to me 'Sometimes I feel like you're way too good for me'
To which I replied 'Don't be daft love, I've cheated on you hundreds of times'
What's the difference between Frankie Boyle's Christmas dinner and Jordan's Christmas dinner?
At Jordan's, the cabbage sits at the table.
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Bart
Member
Registered: 19th Aug 02
Location: Midsomer Norton, Bristol Avon
User status: Offline
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I always get terrible gifts for the wife at Christmas, but luckily this year ive found her christmas list; Eggs, Milk, Bread and Toilet Rolls.
Looks like im getting a blowjob this christmas!
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Bissmire
Member
Registered: 30th Sep 08
User status: Offline
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All this talk about Christmas number ones got me thinking...what was number one last Christmas?
And then I remembered: Jade Goody's haircut
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Ojc
Member
Registered: 14th Nov 00
Location: Reading: Drives : Clio 197
User status: Offline
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Andy Carroll, biggest waste of money since Joanne Yeates pizza
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Tom G
Member
Registered: 4th Aug 08
Location: Cheshire
User status: Offline
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No one cares about a morally wrong joke till it effects them! Get a grip!
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LiamWorthington
Member
Registered: 12th Feb 09
Location: Ormskirk
User status: Offline
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Whats a food blender and a woman got in common?
They both make good food but you dont want to put your figers in them when their on.
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nathy_87
Member
Registered: 14th Aug 08
Location: West Mids. Drives: Škoda Fabia VRS 5J
User status: Offline
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Maybe not Tom, but they have the "sick joke thread" for them.
A guy dies whilst making love to his wife. A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?" The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his arse!" The undertaker does as he is told. On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It fucking hurts doesn't it!
A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.
"I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies
"O.K. do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife "No, no boyfriend either."
"Do you have a partner then?"
"No, I'm unattached, I'll be having my baby on my own."
After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman. "You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black"
"Well," replies the girl. "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a Porno movie. The lead man was black."
"Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife, "that's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair."
"Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see I desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also involved in the movie, what else could I do?"
"Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby has slanted eyes."
"Well yes," continues the girl, "I was incredibly hard up and there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice."
At this the midwife again apologises collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give baby a slap on the bum. The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims,
"Well thank fuck for that !"
"What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked.
"Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had this horrible feeling that the little bastard was going to bark!"
A young couple are out for a romantic walk along a country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll the guy's lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind but I really do need to pee."
Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, "OK. Why don't you go behind this hedge."
She nods agreement and disappears behind the hedge. As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches a hand through the hedge and touches her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly and with great astonishment finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs.
He shouts in horror, "My God Mary ... have you changed your sex?"
"No," she replies. "I've changed my mind, I'm having a shit instead."
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