Jake
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Registered: 24th Jan 05
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quote:
Originally posted by Ben G
i'm 23 and have been with my other half for about 8 years and we both live together and have a good wage coming in, but even now it would shit me up proper if she got pregnant.
really not looking forward to hearing the news.
and lets be honest you dont even want to be with her anymore so that would be a right chocker if she was up the duff
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Ben G
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Registered: 12th Jan 07
Location: Essex
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thats true aswell 
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A2H GO
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Registered: 14th Sep 04
Location: Stoke
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quote:
Originally posted by Ben G
i'm 23 and have been with my other half for about 8 years and we both live together and have a good wage coming in, but even now it would shit me up proper if she got pregnant.
really not looking forward to hearing the news.
Same. I'm not even ready to get married, yet shes talked me into that and it's all I ever hear now.
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Steve
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Registered: 30th Mar 02
Location: Worcestershire Drives: Defender
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if you arent ready dont do it. why people are so easily talked into major life affecting decisions i dont know
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willay
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Organiser: South East, National Events
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Registered: 10th Nov 02
Location: Roydon, Essex
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suicide pill
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Steve
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Registered: 30th Mar 02
Location: Worcestershire Drives: Defender
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basically people are potentially throwing there lives down the drain based on girls insecurities and tendancies to do stupid stuff to make sure there blokes dont leave them, eg talking into marriage, or getting themselves pregnant
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A2H GO
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Registered: 14th Sep 04
Location: Stoke
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quote:
Originally posted by Steve
if you arent ready dont do it. why people are so easily talked into major life affecting decisions i dont know
Because if it was up to me we would never get married, means nothing to me but I know she'd walk as would most women.
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Ian
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Registered: 28th Aug 99
Location: Liverpool
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What's the big deal? When is the right time. If you went though life wondering whether things were right you would never do anything.
I know loads of people who've planned things properly, been together ages, financially stable, in the right position to make a life decision and they've still either ended up divorced or hate each other.
And I know people who go with it, see what happens and are perfectly happy.
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Steve
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Registered: 30th Mar 02
Location: Worcestershire Drives: Defender
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Of course it happens both ways, but if you are with someone longer you are in a better position to consider the options with less of a risk attached.
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Jake
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Registered: 24th Jan 05
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women are mental
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Ian
Site Administrator
Registered: 28th Aug 99
Location: Liverpool
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There's risk in longer term stuff. The type of person who gets in to things quickly is probably more suited to dealing with what happens.
I agree that planning is good - I just don't think it replaces being happy and chilled.
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Neo
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Registered: 20th Feb 07
Location: Essex
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Dunno that all women are like that, mine atm is happy to go with what i'm thinking, marriage before kids, and marriage not for a good few years. Been with her for 3 years, so how I see it I have a few more years before I have to mention marriage, a few years being engaged, another year or so before even mentioning kids. If all works out like that i'll be nearing 30 and most likely in a better position all round to think about it then.
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Steve
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Registered: 30th Mar 02
Location: Worcestershire Drives: Defender
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I Think, as with most things, you should always follow your gut instinct.
Iv seen people quite clearly showing that deep down they dont think its right and dont really want it to happen but go along with it out of fear of being left, or just because they are incapacble of making a proper decision at that time. Madness
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Steve
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Registered: 30th Mar 02
Location: Worcestershire Drives: Defender
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Look at ojc for instance, if i was in his shoes, and my gf of a few months got pregnant.
If he was trying to advise me that it wasnt the right thing to do, that to me would ring alarm bells.
I would never tell ollie not to do something like this borne just from my own agenda with the gf, it personally doesnt bother me if someone abuses me, water off a ducks back.
But when from an outsiders point of view you can see something isnt right, I would definately be prepared to listen about something that will affect the rest of my life, even if that involved getting rid for now and evaluating the situation in 12 months time, my opinion is, hes not getting a choice and that is wrong
I know ollie like the back of my hand, and know exactly how he thinks, and his thoughts on the subject, and im fairly confident what his initial reaction would have been even if he didnt express that, and what i think hes thinking deep down and it must be pretty stressful. Unless of course hes changed into a completely different character inside 3 months
[Edited on 02-09-2011 by Steve]
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Jake
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Registered: 24th Jan 05
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being forced into it isnt something new its been going on for decades. back in the day divorce wasnt an option and were made to sort out your differences and made a better relationship from it.
people give up too easily now and it makes me want to throw up
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Whittie
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Registered: 11th Aug 06
Location: North Wales Drives: BMW, Corsa & Fiat
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I'd be super pissed off if its a random slag that you use for a quickie.
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Neo
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Registered: 20th Feb 07
Location: Essex
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I agree with both Ian and Steve here, some close friends are a young couple, she got pregnant just after christmas 2010 accidentally, had the baby, her and him moved into their own flat, he then proposed after the baby came out and 3 weeks later they were married.
Now, I look at them and wonder how they have managed it, they are always skint, never have a penny to spend themselves etc, both are happy - but both admit that they have rushed things and have now found themselves in a situation where they can't save, go on holiday, be 19 year olds and go out drinking etc
So they say they are happy, and I believe they are only happy because they tell themselves they are happy.
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Robin
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Registered: 7th Jan 04
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Or... maybe they are happy?
'Being a 19 year old' doesn't have to involve drinking. To a lot of people, love and a family are all that matters.
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Tom
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Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: Wirral, Merseyside
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quote:
Originally posted by Steve
freedom and finance would be my worries, mainly freedom, people say it doesnt affect it but everyone with a child iv witnessed it has 100%, regardless of what you think it DOES stop you doing stuff whenever you want, until they get old enough to look after themselves. Most of the time you cannot see it affects you unless you are looking at an outside point of view
People get so caught up in there own kids sometimes its actually quite sickening
[Edited on 02-09-2011 by Steve]
Steve you are definitely not going to be ready for kids for a while 
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A2H GO
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Registered: 14th Sep 04
Location: Stoke
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Since I got with my Mrs 7 years ago, we seem to have done things before I wanted too but in the long term its worked out for the best.
For example, I got with her when I was 18, at the peak of teenagehood when your just generally having a fucking great time, shagging everything in sight, driving cars you want, lads holidays, not giving a shit about work, no hassle, just proper chilled out lifestyle.
I knew she was special and we settled down starting saving, caring about work, being sensible, got a house, bought a boring economical car etc. Yet I always look back and hate that I missed out on perhaps a few more years of that lifestyle I really enjoyed.
But at the same time see some of my mates still living that lifestyle at 26+ whilst I'm with someone I know I want to spend the rest of my life with, I have a house, good financial stability etc which is exactly where I wanted to be at this stage of my life.
I tend to commit to things before I'm ready then when the time comes that I am ready I'm glad I did. For example I always imagined getting married in my late 20's early 30's. I'm 25 and getting married next year. I'm a bit uneasy about it but no doubt when I'm 30 I'll be glad I did.
Sometimes you can't choose the path life sets out for you, you just have to go with it.
Inb4 'Cool story bro'
[Edited on 02-09-2011 by A2H GO]
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Tom
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Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: Wirral, Merseyside
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quote:
Originally posted by Steve
Look at ojc for instance, if i was in his shoes, and my gf of a few months got pregnant.
If he was trying to advise me that it wasnt the right thing to do, that to me would ring alarm bells.
I would never tell ollie not to do something like this borne just from my own agenda with the gf, it personally doesnt bother me if someone abuses me, water off a ducks back.
But when from an outsiders point of view you can see something isnt right, I would definately be prepared to listen about something that will affect the rest of my life, even if that involved getting rid for now and evaluating the situation in 12 months time, my opinion is, hes not getting a choice and that is wrong
I know ollie like the back of my hand, and know exactly how he thinks, and his thoughts on the subject, and im fairly confident what his initial reaction would have been even if he didnt express that, and what i think hes thinking deep down and it must be pretty stressful. Unless of course hes changed into a completely different character inside 3 months
You've got a real bee in your bonnet haven't you I feel sorry for your kids when you have them (after careful planning obviously).
My take is similar to others, the timing is never going to be perfect but i'm coming around to the idea (my girlfriend would have them tomorrow if she could), for me it's about being comfortable and confident in your relationship and being at the right stage in your lives. I personally think my girlfiend (more than me) needs a couple more years of being 'young' before we have kids, as you don't want the day to day stresses of having kids to feel like some sort of burden if you haven't got the whole being young thing out of your system (and that's not a sweeping statement, that's about my situation). I'm excited and worried at the thought of kids in equal measure, I think once it's done you just kind of get on with it or you don't.
[Edited on 02-09-2011 by Tom]
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Neo
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Registered: 20th Feb 07
Location: Essex
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quote:
Originally posted by Robin
Or... maybe they are happy?
'Being a 19 year old' doesn't have to involve drinking. To a lot of people, love and a family are all that matters.
It's clear to see they aren't though. I knew them before she got pregnant and they moved out etc and they have had to change their lifestyle so much. They both used to be out every friday and saturday night drinking. He used to have quite a few cars but had to get rid and always moans to me about how he misses his hobby, she goes through bouts of depression if her mum can't get to her to help with baby.
From an outsiders perspective they are not happy, and i know given the chance they would change things.
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Steve
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Registered: 30th Mar 02
Location: Worcestershire Drives: Defender
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If you have to stop doing stuff (to an extent) or not have stuff or do stuff that you want to, then its not right imo.
Yes i know people are going to say there are far important things in life then owning cars and going out. But surely the most important thing in life is to have fun and enjoy it to its max, and you can do both with a child, that can also maximise your pleasure. But at the right time. It cannot be done in a hurried mess with insufficient funds and have to give up everything you enjoy doing in the process.
This of course is my opinion and many will disagree
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3CorsaMeal
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Registered: 11th Apr 02
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quote:
Originally posted by willay
suicide pill
who would take it though? You, her or the baby once its fallen out?
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3CorsaMeal
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Registered: 11th Apr 02
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you would have to give up powdercoating wishbones, carbon wrapping plastic trim and filler primering metal
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