Jason Iles
Member
Registered: 19th Jun 01
Location: Bristol
User status: Offline
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>ONE
>
>A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
>The wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I
>know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who
>was that?"
>The wife said, "I don't know ... some woman wanting to know 'if the
>coast is clear.'"
>
>TWO
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>A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and
>buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens
>the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is
>really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does
>so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her
>head.
>The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it. "The blonde replies, "Shut
>up, you're next!"
>
>THREE
>
>Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
>
>A: "Is it mine?"
>
>FOUR
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>A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously,
>she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was
>applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My Goodness!"
>the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped
>on by an elephant. Are you OK, ma'am?" "Yes, officer, I'm just fine,"
>the blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the
>officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the
>strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road when
>from out of nowhere this tree pops up in front of me. So I swerved to
>the right,and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there
>was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I
>swerved to the left and there was ...."
>
>"Uh, ma'am," the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on
>this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and
>forth."
>
>FIVE
>
>Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
>ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and
>reported the crime.
>The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit
>patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer
>approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the
>porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on
>the steps.
>
>Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my
>possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?
>
>They send me a BLIND policeman.
>
>THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR
>
>A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond
>female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
>She opened it then slammed it shut & stormed back in the house. A little
>later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again,
>opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
>As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again,
>marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder
>than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something
>wrong?"
>
>To which she replied, "There certainly is!" (are you ready? ... This is
>a beauty ...)
>
>
>SCROLL DOWN
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>My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."
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LMAO