dirtydan
Member
Registered: 3rd Sep 03
Location: Canvey, Essex Drives : Corsa Sport
User status: Offline
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was reading over at another forum and came across these funny quotes had me laughing for a while.
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know where my watch is pal, where the f*ck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". F*cking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the f*ck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Plonker, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the f*cking floor.
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
8. When people say "life is short". What the f*ck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever f*cking does!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Kn*bhead?
10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So what did they used to be? ears, Wellington boots?
11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.
12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need.
13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering.....It's has to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger gets blank looks...........Well I'll have a McStraw and McJam it in your McEyes you Mcf*cking McTosser.
14. When you are involved in an accident and someone asks 'are you alright?' Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.
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M4tt
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Registered: 18th Apr 03
Location: Potters Bar
User status: Offline
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Colin.S
Member
Registered: 19th Oct 02
User status: Offline
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Trotty posted this the other week.
Still funny tho
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sxibeast
Member
Registered: 6th Aug 03
Location: Milton Keynes
User status: Offline
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PMSL!
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dannycorsa c
Member
Registered: 8th Mar 03
Location: manchester (astley/tyldesley)
User status: Offline
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leeshez
Member
Registered: 3rd May 01
Location: Great Harwood, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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Quality
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SKI
Member
Registered: 11th Sep 03
Location: Driffield
User status: Offline
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Can you get cornered in a round room?
Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there?
Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?
If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?
Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?
In that song, she'll be coming around the mountain, who is she?
How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone?
Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?
Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?
Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?
Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?
"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"
Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?
Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear??
Why is it that when you get out of a swimming pool, your urine is hotter when you use the restroom?
Can mute people burp?
What happens if you put this side up face down while popping microwave popcorn?
Why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with?
How come you play at a recital, but recite at a play?
If a fork were made of gold would it still be considered silverware?
If heat rises, then shouldn't hell be cold?
Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside?
Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa
beans, and all beans are a vegetable?
Do they have girl’s bathrooms in gay bars?
Why is toilet bowl cleaning liquid only blue?
Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?
Why do you go “back and forth” to town if you really must go forth before you go back?
Why doos shaped macaroni taste better than the normal kind?
Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?
Why can't you get a tan on your palms?
If your sick for one week and on one of those days they had to cancel school because of snow, do you have to make up that day in June?
Why do dogs sniff other dog’s bottoms to say hello, why don’t they just bark in their face or something?
Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been
free?
If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?
You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to
people that work nights?
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SKI
Member
Registered: 11th Sep 03
Location: Driffield
User status: Offline
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Why do you get in trouble for blocking an exit when you're standing in the doorway? In case of an emergency, wouldn't you run out, too, therefore NOT blocking the exit?
Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?
Why is a square meal served on round plates?
Why is the 0 on a phone after 1 and not before 1?
Which way does a compass point in space?
Why are people allowed to put naked statues outside but why can't we run outside naked?
Why do all superheroes wear spandex?
If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?
Why did Mary own a little lamb?
If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?
Why can’t a baby cry while it’s inside its mother?
If the president were gay, would his husband be the first man?
If you were a genie and a person asked you this wish, "I wish you would not grant me this wish" what would you do?
Why are Pringles curved?
What happens if your snot freezes in your nose?
Why aren't safety pins as safe as they say they are?
If overalls are held up by the snaps at the top, then why do they have belt loops?
Why is it that its good to score under par in golf but its bad to be “under par” in any thing else?
Is Jerry Garcia grateful to be dead?
Why do people say, "You can't have your cake and eat it too"? Why would someone get cake if they can't eat it?
Can bald men get lice??
How come popcorn isn't a vegetable?
Do movie producers still say lights, camera, and action when it is a dark scene?
Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them?
Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are both the same number of letters?
Why is snow white and ice clear? Aren't they just different forms of water?
Why do they put the names of football teams on baseball caps?
If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my height and weight on my driver's license?
How come you pay an extra 25 cents to get something put on your hamburger but they don't take off the price if you get something taken off?
Can you get cornered in a round room?
Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there?
Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?
If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?
Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?
In that song, she'll be coming around the mountain, who is she?
"How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone?"
Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?
If you were under house arrest and you lived in a mobile home, wouldn’t you be able to go anywhere you want?
If our body temperature is normally 98.6 degrees, how come when it's 98 degrees outside, no one is comfortable?
What would happen if you were to feed a pig some bacon?
If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel through time, wouldn’t we now be seeing people from the future?
Do pyromaniacs wear blazers?
If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?
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nuttytart1000
Member
Registered: 6th Sep 03
Location: somewhere in wigan area lashed up in a gutter
User status: Offline
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why is it when you come in from outside and your pi*s wet through , does some dumb f*ck always ask: is it raining????
[Edited on 08-10-2003 by nuttytart1000]
[Edited on 08-10-2003 by nuttytart1000]
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