Juni0r
Member
Registered: 17th Jan 03
Location: Hants
User status: Offline
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EVER WONDER where we are headed...
....why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
....why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
....why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
....why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
....why doctors call what they do "practice"?
....why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
....why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while
dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
....why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
....why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?
....who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?
....why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
....why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
....why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for
the indestructible black box ?
....why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
....why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
....if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of
progress?
....why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
AND...
In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because
of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer
goods.
On a Myer hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's
the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how???....)
On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's
"just" a suggestion).
On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside
down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after
heating." (...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but
wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate
machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to
reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those
5-y! ! ear-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm
taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use
only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news
flash!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet,
eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a
child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable
you to fly."
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands
or genitals." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the
stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to
(maybe even a chuckle)...in other words send it to everyone. We all
need to smile every once in a while.
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Melville
Member
Registered: 4th Jun 03
Location: Newcastle upon Tyne
User status: Offline
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Tracey
Member
Registered: 27th Aug 03
User status: Offline
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Juni0r i love you
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Juni0r
Member
Registered: 17th Jan 03
Location: Hants
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Tasty_Tracey
Juni0r i love you
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SteveW
Member
Registered: 15th Jul 02
Location: Up in the clouds
User status: Offline
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Thats some funny shit.
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Leo
Member
Registered: 26th May 04
User status: Offline
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I like 
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Juni0r
Member
Registered: 17th Jan 03
Location: Hants
User status: Offline
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Best one!
I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a
child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable
you to fly."
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Leo
Member
Registered: 26th May 04
User status: Offline
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Heard this one before but still laugh....'why sheep don't shrink when it rains'?
Also like this one... On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm
taking this because???....)
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Juni0r
Member
Registered: 17th Jan 03
Location: Hants
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Leo
Heard this one before but still laugh....'why sheep don't shrink when it rains'?
Tis one of Lee Evans jokes!!
[Edited on 23-10-2003 by Juni0r]
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Ally
Member
Registered: 2nd Jul 03
Location: Pontypool Drives: a Skoda
User status: Offline
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Leo
Member
Registered: 26th May 04
User status: Offline
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Dont like him, but heard it before anyway....
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Juni0r
Member
Registered: 17th Jan 03
Location: Hants
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Leo
Dont like him, but heard it before anyway....
WHAT!!!
Comic Legend!!
Table for two??
Hang on I'll count! er 1....2.....YES fucking please!!!!!!!!
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Leo
Member
Registered: 26th May 04
User status: Offline
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Juni0r
Member
Registered: 17th Jan 03
Location: Hants
User status: Offline
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Just on of his lines!
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