transca
Member
Registered: 28th Dec 00
Location: rotherham
User status: Offline
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Two peanuts walk into a bar
> > >
> > > One was a salted.
> > >
> > > **********
> > >
> > > A jump-lead walks into a bar.
> > >
> > > The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
> > >
> > > **********
> > >
> > > A sandwich walks into a bar.
> > >
> > > The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
> > >
> > > **********
> > >
> > > A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
> > >
> > > **********
> > >
> > > A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
>says:
> > >
> > > "A beer please, and one for the road."
> > >
> > > **********
> > >
> > > Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.
> > >
> > > The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.
> > >
> > > **********
> > >
> > > Two cannibals are eating a clown.
> > >
> > > One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
> > >
> > > **********
> > >
> > > "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'."
> > >
> > > "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
> > >
> > > "Is it common?"
> > >
> > > "It's not unusual."
> > >
> > > **********
> > >
> > > Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to
Dolly
>
> > >
> > > "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
> > >
> > > "I don't believe you," said Dolly.
> > >
> > > "It's true, no bull!"
> > >
> > > **********
> > >
> > > Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
> > >
> > > One says, "I've lost my electron."
> > >
> > > The other says, "Are you sure?"
> > >
> > > The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
> > >
> > > **********
> > >
> > > Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullsh#t before
> > >
> > > **********
> > >
> > > A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says,
> > >
> > > "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
> > >
> > > "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
> > >
> > > So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his
teeth.
>
> > >
> > > Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
> > >
> > > "What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
> > >
> > > "No, because he's really heavy"
> > >
> > > **********
> > >
> > > I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't
>find any.
> > >
> > > **********
> > >
> > > I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that
he
> > >
> > > couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
> > >
> > > And he said, 'no, the steaks are too high.'
> > >
> > > **********
> > >
> > > My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.
> > >
> > > He was pulled in by a strong currant.
> > >
> > > *********
> > >
> > > Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
>with
> > >
> > > nuts & hundreds and thousands.
> > >
> > > Police say that he topped himself.
> > >
> > > **********
> > >
> > > >> Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
> > > >> One turns to the other and says "dam"
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> Two fish are in a tank
> > > >> One says to the other "I'll man the guns, you drive"
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