Gareth.O
Member
Registered: 25th Sep 02
Location: Kings Langley, Hertfordshire
User status: Offline
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can't remember if this has been posted before but what the hell
Dear Cretins,
>
> I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for
> your four-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, telephone, and alarm
> monitoring. During this three-month period I have encountered
> inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible,
> as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please
> allow me to provide
> specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional
> prerogative and
> seek to rectify these difficulties -- or more likely (I suspect) so
that
> you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the
> working
> day smoking, and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office.
>
> My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my
> spending an entire Saturday sitting on my arse waiting for your
> technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57
> minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more
> annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful
> website. HOW? I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles
> for a few minutes -- an activity at which you are
>
> no doubt both familiar and highly adept. The rescheduled installation
> then took place some two weekslater, although the technician did
> forget to bring a number of vital tools -- such as a drill-bit, and
> his cerebrum. Two weeks
> later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls
over
> four weeks my modem arrived, six weeks after I had requested, and
begun to
> pay for it. I estimate your internet server's downtime is roughly 35%
--
> the hours between about 6pm and midnight, Monday through Friday, and
most
> of
> the weekend.
>
> I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made nine calls
> on my mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully
> transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals who are, it
> seems, also highly skilled bollock jugglers. I have been informed that
> a telephone line is available(and someone will call me back); that I
> will be transferred to
>
> someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and
> then been cut off); that I will be transferred to someone (and then
> been redirected to an answering machine informing me that your office
> is closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been
> redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman, and several other
> variations on this theme.
>
> Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least
> a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another
> one of those crucially important testicle moments to attend to.
> Frankly I don't care. It's far more satisfying as a customer to voice
> my frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold
> music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.
>
> I truly thought British Telecom was shit, and they had attained the
> holy piss-pot of god-awful customer relations; and that no one,
> anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more
> obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I
> chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't anyone else is there? How
> surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable
> dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower
> of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended
> rectum
> incompetents of the highest order.
>
> BT -- wankers though they are -- shine like brilliant beacons of
> success in the filthy mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy.
> Suffice to say that
> I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any
kind
> of
> service from you. I suggest that you cease any potential future
attempts
> to
> extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly
and
> catastrophically failed to deliver. Any such activity will be greeted
> initially with hilarity and disbelief and will quickly be replaced by
> derision, and even perhaps bemused rage.
>
> I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cat's
> littertray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for
> both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have
> not become desiccated during transit -- they were satisfyingly moist
> at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment
> if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture.
> Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its
> worthless employees.
>
> Have a nice day. May it be the last in your miserable short lives, you
> irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats.
>
>
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