TNM
Member
Registered: 5th Apr 04
Location: Nottingham Drives: VW Tiguan
User status: Offline
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One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the
local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my
husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very
embarrassing. What should I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you.
I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will
motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a
good poke in the leg."
In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing
this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the
ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the
hatpin.
"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr.
Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is
your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards
Mrs. Jones.
"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.
"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr.
Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not
notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few
motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her
husband with the hatpin again.
The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore
him his 99th son?"
Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that
goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half
and shove it up your ass!"
"Amen," replied the congregation.
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TNM
Member
Registered: 5th Apr 04
Location: Nottingham Drives: VW Tiguan
User status: Offline
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A little boy walked into his mom and dads room while they were
fighting. The dad yelled, "You bitch!" And the mom screamed,
"You bastard!" And the little boy said, "Mommy, Daddy what does
that mean???" And the parents replied "Um...ladies and
gentlemen." And with that answer the little boy ran off to bed.
The next night the parents were really horny, the dad said "Nice
tits!" And the mom, "Nice dick!" And the little boy ran into the
room and asked, "Mommy, Daddy what does that mean???" "Um...hats
and coats." And with that answer the little boy ran back to bed.
The next day was Thanksgiving and all of the relatives were
going to be eating and celebrating at the little boys house. The
little boy was on his way up the stairs and ran into the
bathroom. When he swung the door open it hit his dad's elbow,
(the dad was shaving and he cut himself) "Shit!" He bellowed.
"Daddy what does that mean???" "Um, it is the name of the
shaving cream that I'm using, now run downstairs and see what
your mom is doing." And with that the little boy did as he was
told. Meanwhile his mom was slicing the turkey, and she
accidentally put her finger in the wrong place. "Fuck!" She
hollered and the little boy said , "Mommy, what does that
mean???" "Um, it means I'm cutting the turkey."
DING-DONG the door bell rang and the little boy scampered off to
answer it saying: "Hello all of you bitches and bastards, hang
up your titties and dicks. Dad's up stairs whipping the shit off
of his face and mom's in the kitchen fucking the turkey!"
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Marc D
Member
Registered: 29th Apr 03
Location: Wirral, Merseyside
User status: Offline
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