TAZ
Member
Registered: 6th Jun 02
Location: Pontefract
User status: Offline
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It was the end of the school year and the students were giving their teacher gifts. The teacher knew the profession od the kids' parents so she would guess what they got her. The florists daughter gave her a box, she put it over her head and shook it. "Are they flowers?" asked the teacher, the student replied, "how did you know?"
Then the candyshop son came with a box, she pur it over her head and said "Is it candy?" The student said "how'd you know!!"
Then the liquor store owner's son, Johnny, came and the teacher saw the box leaking. She put her tounge on it and sucked the juice and said "Is it wine?" Johnny shook his head.Then she licked it again, "Vodka?" Johnny replied "Nuh-uhn! It's a puppy!!!"
Little johnny is seven years old and is sitting at the dinner table with his parents. Suddenly he announces,"Me and Janie are going to married!"
"Oh?" Says the mother. "And how old is Janie?"
"Five," replies the boy.
"Well," says the father,"what are you goin to do for money?"
"I get fifteen cents a week allowance," says Johnny, " and Janie gets ten cents. "We figured if we put it together we would be okay."
"I see," says the father."But what are you going to do if you have children?"
"Well," says Johnny,"so far we have been lucky."
One day the teacher wanted the class to use the word definitely in a sentence. Suzy raised her hand so she called on her. She said: the sky is defintely blue!
I'm sorry Suzy thats wrong the sky sometimes turns different colors red ,gray etc.. any body else?
Timmy raised his hand and said: the grass is defintely green. I'm sorry Timmy that's not true either, sometimes the grass dies and it may turn brown, anybody else?
Little Johnny raises his hand and says: Teacher do farts have lumps? The teacher says,no why?
Jonny says: Than I defintely Shit my pants!
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math
problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds
sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left ?" "None.",replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher neverously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?" "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you are thinking.
Another day in class the teacher
brought a bag full of fruit. "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and
you tell what fruit I'm talking about." "Okay, first: it's round, plumb and red." Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored
him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered "An apple." "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. Now for the second. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish. Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy. "Is it a peach?" "No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But
I like your thinking. Here's another: it's long, yellow,
and fairly hard." By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally. "A banana," she says. "No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking." Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. "Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it it's round, hard,
and it got a head on it." "Johnny!" she cries. "That's
disgusting!" "Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like the way your thinking!
little johnny is in sunday school and the teacher asks the class where jesus is today, and paul raises his hand and says,"jesus is in my heart cuz i love him very much." Mary raises her hand and says,"jesus is in heaven cuz he's dead." johnny screams out loud,"jesus is in my damn bathroom," and the teacher,"says why is that," and johnny replies,every morning my dad screams,"JESUS CRHIST, ARE U STILL IN THERE."
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