Phil Hall
Member
Registered: 28th Sep 01
Location: Belfast
User status: Offline
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I just received this this morning 
> The Queen was visiting one of London's top
> > > > hospitals and she
> > > > specified
> > > > > > > > she wanted to see absolutely everything.
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > During her tour of the floors she passed a
> > > > room where a male
> > > > patient
> > > > > > > > was masturbating.
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > "Oh my", said the Queen, "that's
> > > > disgraceful, what is the meaning
> > > > of
> > > > > > > > this?"
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > The Doctor leading the tour explains; "I am
> > > > sorry Your Majesty, but
> > > > > > > > this man
> > > > > > > > has a
> > > > > > > > very serious medical condition and is only
> > > > following doctors
> > > > orders.
> > > > > > > > His
> > > > > > > > body
> > > > > > > > produces too much semen and his testicles
> > > > keep overfilling. Until
> > > > we
> > > > > > > > can
> > > > > > > > find out
> > > > > > > > exactly what is causing this problem he's
> > > > been instructed to do
> > > > that
> > > > > > > > at
> > > > > > > > least 5
> > > > > > > > times a day or there is a danger that his
> > > > > > > > testicles will explode, and he would die
> > > > instantly."
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > "Oh, I am so sorry", said the Queen.
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > On the next floor they passed a room where a
> > > > nubile young nurse was
> > > > > > > > giving a patient a blow-job.
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > "Oh my", said the Queen, "What's happening
> > > > in there?"
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > The Doctor replied, "Same problem, but he's
> > > > with BUPA."
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Gavin
Premium Member
Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: West Midlands
User status: Offline
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very good....i'm with bupa 
Gavin 
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West Midlands
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Shelly
Premium Member
Registered: 15th Nov 00
Location: Lancashire Drives: Astra H VXR
User status: Offline
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this one made me laugh this morning....
Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about 'courting' from the older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered.
Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning, Johnny described EVERYTHING to his mother. "Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he started kissing and hugging herI figured 'Sis must be getting sickbecause her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just > the way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as the docotr because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time 'Sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the end of the couch. This was when her fever started. I knew it was a fever, because Sis told him she felt really hot. Finally, I found out what was making them so sick -- a big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest, anyway he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When Sis saw it, she got really scared -- her eyes got big, and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she's ever seen; I should tell her about the ones down at the lake by our house! Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting again. Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on ! it and he helped by lying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they killed the eel. I knew because it just hung there, limp, and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went back to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly, the eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats -- they have nine lives or something. This time, Sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting on it. After about a 35 minute struggle, they finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead, because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet.
[Edited on 24-03-2003 by Shelly]
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Gavin
Premium Member
Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: West Midlands
User status: Offline
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Gavin
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West Midlands
VxlSCC Member
Click here to e-mail me
pew pew pew pewwwww
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