Tiger
Member
Registered: 12th Jun 01
Location: Leicestershire Drives:Astra VXR
User status: Offline
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A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks. The first
> is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. He starts on this when suddenly
>
> a huge fish leaps out and bites him. He is not going to let a fish have a
> go
> so he beats the offending fish to death with a spade.
> Realising that his boss is not going to be best pleased, he tries to find
> a way to hide the dead fish. He hits on the brilliant idea of giving the
> fish to the lions as lions will eat anything. So he throws the fish into
> the lion's cage.
> He then moves on to his second job, which is to clear out the monkey
> house.
> He goes in and a couple of chimps starts throwing coconuts at him.
> Un-amused he swipes at the chimps with his spade, killing them instantly.
> He's really worried now, so what does he do? He feeds the chimps to the
> lions, because lions eat anything. He hurls them into the lion's cage.
> Anyway, he moves on to his last job, which is to collect honey from South
> American bees. He starts on this and quickly gets attacked by the bees.
> Alarmed, he grabs his spade and smashes the bees as hard as he can,
> squashing them to death. By this point he is not too worried about the
> death of bees as he knows what to do by now. He throws them into the
> lion's
> cage, because lions eat anything.
> Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. It wanders up to another
> lion and says "What's the food like in here?". The other lion says:
> "Absolutely brilliant, today we had Fish, Chimps and Mushy Bees"
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This one is better:
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while
> he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs
> some
> olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats
> them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls,
> sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it
> whole. The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey
> just did?" The guy says "No, what?"
> "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table---whole!" "Yeah, that doesn't
> surprise me," replied the guy, He eats everything in sight. Sorry. I'll
> pay for the cue ball and stuff."
> He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate,
> then leaves.
> Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him.
> He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
> While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry
> on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out, and eats it.
> Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his ass, pulls it
> out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted.
> "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks. "No, what?" replies the
> guy. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his ass, pulled
> it out, and ate it!" said the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise
> me",
> replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he
> had to pass that cue ball, he measures everything first."
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