antnee
Member
Registered: 30th Dec 07
Location: Cov Drives: Clio 197
User status: Offline
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Tell us some, need cheering up 
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leon.
Member
Registered: 24th Jun 08
User status: Offline
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not a joke but my dogs curled up in a ball near me with her head facing her ass and she keeps farting in her own face which is quite funny for me but perhaps not so for you.
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mike56gte
Member
Registered: 23rd Jun 09
Location: Fife, scotland Drives: Audi S3
User status: Offline
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A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."
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Ingham
Banned
Registered: 9th May 08
Location: Burnley, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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Your mum walks in on you having a wank, you:
a) try and hide the web browser and cover up what you were doing
b) take you little sisters undies off your head and apologise for your inappropriate behaviour
c) ask if you can have a hand
d) look her in the eye and finish like a beast
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leon.
Member
Registered: 24th Jun 08
User status: Offline
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not so much as a titter from me mate
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Ingham
Banned
Registered: 9th May 08
Location: Burnley, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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A miserable looking man walks into a bar, sits down and orders a triple whisky.
The Bartender raises an eyebrow and says, "That's some pretty strong poison you're ordering, you must be fucking miserable."
The man says, "Well, I just found my wife in bed with my best friend, so yeah I'm feeling pretty bad."
The Bartender is shocked by the man's story so he gives him the drink on the house and asks him to tell the story.
"I came home and walked into our bedroom, then I saw them together. I told her that we were through and to pack her things."
"And what did you do with your friend?" the Bartender inquired.
"I looked him right in the eye and I said, 'Bad dog!'" he replied.
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Whittie
Member
Registered: 11th Aug 06
Location: North Wales Drives: BMW, Corsa & Fiat
User status: Offline
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When I was younger I never saw my dad, he was always in the pub.
Now i'm married, I can fucking understand why.
So Cheryl Cole is being accused of being racist!
Just when you think she can't get any more perfect!
If vegetarians love animals so much, why do they eat all their food?
Sky News: eight-year-old girl found dead at a North Wales holiday camp.
North Wales for a holiday? My money's on suicide.
You would think that, if you pulled a snail's shell off, then it would be able to move faster.
I tried it, but they seem to be more sluggish.
How do you know if someone has an iPhone?
They tell you.
BBC News: Two pedestrians die in collision.
Fuck, how fast must they have been walking?
My brother just updated his status to
"I love my girlfriend <3".
I always knew he liked them young, but that is fucking ridiculous.
I had a horrible sexual experience last night. By the time I realised I was with a transexual I had reached the point of no return.
I'd already bought the fucker a drink.
What do you call a joke with an invisible punchline?
I went for anger management therapy the other day and met a guy in the waiting room. And asked him what he was there for.
He said "Anger management"
I said "Snap!"
So he punched me.
Went to see the film Predators today............................felt really mislead by the title..........
I was chatting to a chinese bloke earlier and he was telling me how he already has a child but wishes it could be white
I said, ''two wongs don't make a white.''
Your mum walks in on you having a wank, you:
a) try and hide the web browser and cover up what you were doing
b) take you little sisters undies off your head and apologise for your inappropriate behaviour
c) ask if you can have a hand
d) look her in the eye and finish like a beast
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Havoc
Banned
Registered: 9th Aug 10
User status: Offline
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A bloke goes into an antique shop and asks how much the brass cat in the window is. The owner says, "£50 for the cat and £50 for its story."
The bloke says he'll just have the cat and sets off home.
As he leaves the shop, a cat starts following him, then ten cats, then a hundred cats, then a thousand cats, so he hoys the brass cat in the river and all the other cats dive in after it.
The bloke goes back to the shop and the owner says, "Back for the story, eh?"
The bloke replies, "No. Got any brass Pakis?"
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Whittie
Member
Registered: 11th Aug 06
Location: North Wales Drives: BMW, Corsa & Fiat
User status: Offline
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I was watching antiques roadshow the other night, and then i stared over at the 16th Century Coffee table, and said Ahhhhhhhh
Theres the fucking remote.
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Havoc
Banned
Registered: 9th Aug 10
User status: Offline
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How do you blindfold a chink? With dental floss!
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Whittie
Member
Registered: 11th Aug 06
Location: North Wales Drives: BMW, Corsa & Fiat
User status: Offline
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What does a racist machine gun sound like?
Chink Chink - Nigger Nigger Nigger Nigger Nigger Nigger Nigger Nigger Nigger Nigger
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Havoc
Banned
Registered: 9th Aug 10
User status: Offline
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What was so bad about being a black Jew?
You had to sit in the back of the oven.
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Havoc
Banned
Registered: 9th Aug 10
User status: Offline
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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.
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Ingham
Banned
Registered: 9th May 08
Location: Burnley, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Havoc
What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.
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Havoc
Banned
Registered: 9th Aug 10
User status: Offline
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Why do Hispanic women hate Swans?
Because they're White, They're Beautiful, and They usually know who the fathers of their children are!
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Havoc
Banned
Registered: 9th Aug 10
User status: Offline
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Why is there no mexican olympic team?
All the spics who can run, jump or swim are in the U.S.!
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Havoc
Banned
Registered: 9th Aug 10
User status: Offline
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Top 10 reasons why there are no black NASCAR drivers......
10) YOU HAVE TO SIT UPRIGHT WHILE DRIVING.
09) THE PISTOL WON'T STAY UNDER FRONT SEAT.
08) ENGINES DROWN OUT THE RAP MUSIC.
07) THE PIT CREW CAN'T WORK ON THE CAR WHILE HOLDING UP PANTS AT THE SAME TIME.
06) THEY KEEP TRYING TO CARJACK DALE, JR.
05) POLICE CARS ON TRACK INTERFERE WITH RACE.
04) NO PASSENGER SEAT FOR THE HO.
03) THERE ARE NO SPONSORS FOR CADILLAC.
02) CAN'T WEAR HELMET SIDEWAYS.
AND THE NUMBER 1 REASON WHY BLACKS CAN'T BE IN NASCAR:
01) WHEN THEY CRASH THEIR CAR THEY BAIL OUT AND RUN.
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Havoc
Banned
Registered: 9th Aug 10
User status: Offline
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A zebra asked an sparrow, "Am I a white animal with black stripes, or a black animal with white stripes?" The bird said, "I can't
tell you, but you should ask the owl--he knows all". The zebra asked the question to the owl, "Am I a black animal with white
stripes, or a white animal with black stripes?" The owl said, "You are what you are". Confused, the zebra went back to the
sparrow and told him what the owl had said. "Well then," said the sparrow, "you are a white animal with black stripes". "How
do you know that", asked the zebra. "Because", explained the sparrow, "if you where a black animal with white stripes, the owl
would have said 'you is what you is'".
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Havoc
Banned
Registered: 9th Aug 10
User status: Offline
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A nigger and a spic fall from a tree, who hits the ground first?
The spic, the nigger never makes it because he's stopped by the rope.
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Havoc
Banned
Registered: 9th Aug 10
User status: Offline
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What would Martin Luther King, Jr be if he was white?
Alive!
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Havoc
Banned
Registered: 9th Aug 10
User status: Offline
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All taken from here, some epic ones http://www.resist.com/jokes.htm
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antnee
Member
Registered: 30th Dec 07
Location: Cov Drives: Clio 197
User status: Offline
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Cheers dude, laughed at quite a few of those
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Root
Member
Registered: 28th Dec 08
User status: Offline
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www.sickipedia.org
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