MarkSport
Member
Registered: 22nd May 09
User status: Offline
|
A little old lady answers a knock at her door to be met by a travelling vacuum cleaner salesman. Before she had a chance to speak, the man tips a bucket full of dog shit over her carpet and explains, "Madam if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of that dog shit from your carpet, i will eat whats left". "Well, she says. i hope you are fuckin hungry, cos the bastards cut my electricity off this morning!
|
Gary
Premium Member
Registered: 22nd Nov 06
Location: West Yorkshire
User status: Offline
|
|
Budgie
Member
Registered: 2nd Dec 09
Location: Basingstoke
User status: Offline
|
how many buckets of dog shit does this travelling salesman carry if he is going door to door?
|
John
Member
Registered: 30th Jun 03
User status: Offline
|
1 obviously, he just pours it back out of the hoover.
|
Bissmire
Member
Registered: 30th Sep 08
User status: Offline
|
A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?"
Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning."
So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed.
The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again."
So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see."
To which the mother replied, "April fool!"
|
MarkSport
Member
Registered: 22nd May 09
User status: Offline
|
|
Phillips_91
Member
Registered: 20th Jan 10
Location: Blackpool. Drives: Sapphire Black Mk4 Astra 1.8
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by Bissmire
A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?"
Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning."
So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed.
The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again."
So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see."
To which the mother replied, "April fool!"
F
Actually in stitches!
Thats briliant!
|
Pip308
Member
Registered: 25th Oct 07
Location: Basingstoke Drives: Audi A4 Avant, Mk1 Caddy
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by John
1 obviously, he just pours it back out of the hoover.
Lol, budgie got pwnd :-D
|
Budgie
Member
Registered: 2nd Dec 09
Location: Basingstoke
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by Pip308
quote:
Originally posted by John
1 obviously, he just pours it back out of the hoover.
Lol, budgie got pwnd :-D
sure did. im now johns bitch  sad times
|
Jakey
Premium Member
Registered: 4th Jun 07
Location: Sandbach
User status: Offline
|
I personally would leave it in the hoover until i got to the next house. Saves having to carry a bucket.
|
ashleh
Member
Registered: 23rd Dec 08
Location: Nottingham
User status: Offline
|
I was vacuuming the other day when I tripped on the cord and landed on the nozzle, which violently entered my anus.
I was highly embarrassed and spent half an hour in the hospital waiting room desperately trying to convince everyone that I had actually been fucking myself with the hoover and that my wife does all the cleaning.
|
MarkSport
Member
Registered: 22nd May 09
User status: Offline
|
Little Johnny got kicked out of class today! The teacher asked him, "If I gave you £20 and you paid £5 to Joanne, £5 to Jane and £5 to Katie, what would you have?"Apparently, "Three blowjobs and enough left for a kebab," was the wrong answer.
|
MarkSport
Member
Registered: 22nd May 09
User status: Offline
|
I saw a bloke let his dog walk straight out in front of a lorry this morning.
The cruel cunt didn't even flinch when it was killed. He was too busy standing round, trying to look cool in his sunglasses!!
|
MarkSport
Member
Registered: 22nd May 09
User status: Offline
|
I Went to an italian resterant the other night.there was a 30 stone women standing in the doorway..I couldn't get pasta.
|
Russ
Member
Registered: 14th Mar 04
Location: Armchair
User status: Offline
|
Did you not try asking her to move?
|
MarkSport
Member
Registered: 22nd May 09
User status: Offline
|
Mybe if shes there next time 
|
Twiggy
Member
Registered: 15th Oct 04
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by MarkSport
I Went to an italian resterant the other night.there was a 30 stone women standing in the doorway..I couldn't get pasta.
restaurant *
|
MarkSport
Member
Registered: 22nd May 09
User status: Offline
|
copied off facebook (person i took it off is a plank)
|
Bissmire
Member
Registered: 30th Sep 08
User status: Offline
|
These should probably be in the sick joke thread but this one was convenient.
What is red and crawls around chip shop floors?Abortion of chips
What's the difference between a nipple and a cock?
Nothing according to my new born son.
|
MarkSport
Member
Registered: 22nd May 09
User status: Offline
|
[Edited on 25-01-2011 by MarkSport]
|
Bissmire
Member
Registered: 30th Sep 08
User status: Offline
|
Too much? 
|
