A1EX
Member
Registered: 29th Mar 00
Location: Turku, Finland
User status: Offline
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UK Problems Solved
Dear Mr Cameron,
Please find below our suggestion for fixing the UK's economy.
Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.
You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:
There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force.
Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:
1) They MUST retire.
Ten million job openings - unemployment fixed
2) They MUST buy a new British car.
Ten million cars ordered - Car Industry fixed
3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage -
Housing Crisis fixed
4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university -
Crime rate fixed
5) They MUST buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week .....
And there's your money back in duty/tax etc
It can't get any easier than that!
P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances
If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know.
Also………..
Let's put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.
This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.
They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.
They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.
Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.
A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education.
Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request.
Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens.
Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.
There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.
The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room and pay £600.00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.
Think about this (more points of contention):
COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Appleby almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Cumbria?
And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
Read this on UK muscle forum, quite funny 
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Tomnova16
Premium Member
Registered: 21st Jan 06
Location: Gerrards Cross Drives: Porsche 911
User status: Offline
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brilliant
i like the prison to nurshing home comparison
http://www.lemass.co.uk/ for all your automotive/bodyshop needs
Located in Chalfont st Peter
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oceansoul
Member
Registered: 19th Jun 06
Location: Sunbury, Surrey
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by A1EX
Let's put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.
This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.
They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.
They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.
Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.
A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education.
Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request.
Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens.
Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.
There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.
The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room and pay £600.00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.
 Its funny because its true.
quote:
Originally posted by A1EX
COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Appleby almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Cumbria?
And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
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Russ
Member
Registered: 14th Mar 04
Location: Armchair
User status: Offline
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i doubt that would work 
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A2H GO
Member
Registered: 14th Sep 04
Location: Stoke
User status: Offline
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If i was a pensioner and got given £1m by the government I'd wave bye bye and do one to Monte Carlo.
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ed
Member
Registered: 10th Sep 03
User status: Offline
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The British car industry isn't broken though
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Russ
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Registered: 14th Mar 04
Location: Armchair
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by A2H GO
If i was a pensioner and got given £1m by the government I'd wave bye bye and do one to Monte Carlo.
that'd last a week
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ed
Member
Registered: 10th Sep 03
User status: Offline
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I'd buy a second hand Ferrari.
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Jambo
Member
Registered: 8th Sep 01
Location: Maidenhead, Drives: VXR Arctic
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by ed
I'd buy a second hand Ferrari.
Yeah but what about maintenance costs
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ed
Member
Registered: 10th Sep 03
User status: Offline
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Especially if I'm meant to send my children to university, pay off my mortgage, buy a new car and buy £400 worth of fags and booze a month and live for another 20-30 years.
Daily Mail as fuck.
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ed
Member
Registered: 10th Sep 03
User status: Offline
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Although if I was drinking and smoking as much as that then I'd only expect to live for another 10 years. I see why that clause is in there now.
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Jambo
Member
Registered: 8th Sep 01
Location: Maidenhead, Drives: VXR Arctic
User status: Offline
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Uni students dont throw fire extinguishers off buildings either
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Eck
Premium Member
Registered: 17th Apr 06
Location: Lundin Links, Fife
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by ed
Especially if I'm meant to send my children to university, pay off my mortgage, buy a new car and buy £400 worth of fags and booze a month and live for another 20-30 years.
Daily Mail as fuck.
I was thinking that myself What if you don't wish to smoke or drink
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craig_s
Member
Registered: 5th Mar 06
Location: Birmingham Drives: mk4 astra gsi
User status: Offline
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need to stop sending money to pakistan,india and there other neighbouring countries first tbh.
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oceansoul
Member
Registered: 19th Jun 06
Location: Sunbury, Surrey
User status: Offline
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The bit about the prison's is true though
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