Theham85
Member
Registered: 29th Nov 06
Location: Brisbane Queensland
User status: Offline
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A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a case of beer, any kind except Tennents. The bartender says, "What's wrong with Tennents, don't you like it? The man says, "I hate that shit". Last night I drank a whole case of Tennents and blew chunks. The bartender says, "You drink a case of any beer you're going to blow chunks". You don't understand said the man, Chunks is my dog.
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Bissmire
Member
Registered: 30th Sep 08
User status: Offline
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I explained to a girl I met last night that I suffer from premature ejaculation.
To be fair she took it on the chin
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BarnshaW
Member
Registered: 25th Oct 06
User status: Offline
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carlsberg dont do alzheimers, just exceedingly good cakes
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Jon_C
Premium Member
Registered: 7th Dec 05
Location: Suffolk
User status: Offline
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What do you get if you fuck a disabled girl from behind and cum on her back ???
Sticky back spastic
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Matty SRi
Member
Registered: 3rd Dec 08
Location: Stockton-on-Tees Drives: Mk3 Golf GTi
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Jon_C
What do you get if you fuck a disabled girl from behind and cum on her back ???
Sticky back spastic
What do you get if you cross Harvey Price with a Pritt Stick?
Sticky Black Spastic! 
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Jon_C
Premium Member
Registered: 7th Dec 05
Location: Suffolk
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Matty SRi
quote:
Originally posted by Jon_C
What do you get if you fuck a disabled girl from behind and cum on her back ???
Sticky back spastic
What do you get if you cross Harvey Price with a Pritt Stick?
Sticky Black Spastic!
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Twiggy
Member
Registered: 15th Oct 04
User status: Offline
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Mike GSi
Member
Registered: 3rd Jan 07
Location: Ipswich, Suffolk Drives:Astra VXR
User status: Offline
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Whats the difference between a Kangaroo and a Kangaroot?
A Kangaroo is an Australian animal
A Kangaroot is what a Jordie shout when stuck in a lift.
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Tomnova16
Premium Member
Registered: 21st Jan 06
Location: Gerrards Cross Drives: Porsche 911
User status: Offline
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I fucking at that last one. Ha
epic
http://www.lemass.co.uk/ for all your automotive/bodyshop needs
Located in Chalfont st Peter
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ShEp
Member
Registered: 9th Aug 05
Location: Dingwall, Highland
User status: Offline
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A boy comes home from primary school one day. His mother notices that he's got a big smile on his face. She asks, "You look happy, did anything special happen at school today?"
"Yes mum - I had sex with my English teacher!" he replied.
The mother is stunned. "Get up them stairs now and wait until your father gets home!"
The dad comes home and hears the news; he's as pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "I hear you had sex with your English teacher."
"That's right, Dad."
"Well, you became a man today - this is a cause for celebration. Let's get fish and chips, then I'll buy you that bike you've been asking for."
"Mint! - but I can I have a football instead? My arse is killing me."
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Theham85
Member
Registered: 29th Nov 06
Location: Brisbane Queensland
User status: Offline
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Hahahaha ^^^
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Ingham
Banned
Registered: 9th May 08
Location: Burnley, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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What's the difference between a baby and a sandwich?
I don't cum on a sandwich before I eat it.
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williamz
Member
Registered: 29th Nov 05
Location: stoke-on-trent
User status: Offline
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What did bob marley say when his wife left him and took the satellite dish?
No women, No sky
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Toby
Premium Member
Registered: 29th Nov 05
User status: Offline
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what did arnie say to his mrs when his mrs stopped buying him easter eggs............ Istillloveeaster baby
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deano87
Member
Registered: 21st Oct 06
Location: Bedfordshire Drives: Ford Fiesta
User status: Offline
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some are terrible, some are immense. Brilliant
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MarkSport
Member
Registered: 22nd May 09
User status: Offline
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class
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Phillips_91
Member
Registered: 20th Jan 10
Location: Blackpool. Drives: Sapphire Black Mk4 Astra 1.8
User status: Offline
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if im ever rich enough to own a horse i'm going to call in 'my face', that way i can stand in the crowd and listen to all the women screaming "come on my face!"
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Tomnova16
Premium Member
Registered: 21st Jan 06
Location: Gerrards Cross Drives: Porsche 911
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Phillips_91
if im ever rich enough to own a horse i'm going to call it 'my face', that way i can stand in the crowd and listen to all the women screaming "come on my face!"
http://www.lemass.co.uk/ for all your automotive/bodyshop needs
Located in Chalfont st Peter
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MatthewR
Member
Registered: 21st Oct 02
Location: Rickmansworth
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Toby
what did arnie say to his mrs when his mrs stopped buying him easter eggs............ Istillloveeaster baby
Genius
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Phillips_91
Member
Registered: 20th Jan 10
Location: Blackpool. Drives: Sapphire Black Mk4 Astra 1.8
User status: Offline
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Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other had a Chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street, the guy with the Doberman said to his friend, "Let's go over to that bar and get something to drink." The guy with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."
The one with the Doberman said, "Just follow my lead." They walked over to the bar and the guy with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the bar. The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed."
The man with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog." The bouncer said, "A Doberman pinscher?" The man said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good." The bouncer said, "OK then, come on in." The buddy with the Chihuahua figured he'd try it too so he put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the bar. He knew his story would be a bit more unbelievable. Once again the bouncer said,
"Sorry, pal, no pets allowed." The man with the Chihuahua said, "You don't understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog."
The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?" The man with the Chihuahua said, "A Chihuahua?!? A Chihuahua?!? They gave me a damn Chihuahua???"
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brebaz
Member
Registered: 11th Dec 09
Location: newcastle
User status: Offline
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One of my patients called me up today and said "Doctor, my eyes have gone black!"
"Oh dear, you can't see out of them at all?" I replied.
"No, I can see out of them fine, but they have turned completely black in colour."
"Oh," I said with a chuckle, "I thought you were using 'gone black' as a metaphor for 'stopped working'."
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sc0ott
Member
Registered: 16th Feb 09
User status: Offline
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Paddy says to Mick, “Christmas is on Friday this year”. Mick said, “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th then.”
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johnhara1
Member
Registered: 19th Oct 06
Location: Newcastle upon Tyne
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by sc0ott
Paddy says to Mick, “Christmas is on Friday this year”. Mick said, “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th then.”
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