TNM
Member
Registered: 5th Apr 04
Location: Nottingham Drives: VW Tiguan
User status: Offline
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Pablo
Member
Registered: 3rd Feb 03
Location: Milton Keynes
User status: Offline
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stuyw
Member
Registered: 15th May 02
Location: North West Drives: Rev3 MR2 Turbo
User status: Offline
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count me in 
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barry_kellett99
Member
Registered: 19th May 03
User status: Offline
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Thats how many fools since i came back from lunch, a wave for each of them.
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Alex
Member
Registered: 9th Feb 03
Location: Nottingham
User status: Offline
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lol you know i am! 
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Jason Iles
Member
Registered: 19th Jun 01
Location: Bristol
User status: Offline
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TNM
Member
Registered: 5th Apr 04
Location: Nottingham Drives: VW Tiguan
User status: Offline
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and people that send abusive emails to people above you because they think it will get sorted if they know about it. will it f*cuk. I cant help it if your stupid.
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Alex
Member
Registered: 9th Feb 03
Location: Nottingham
User status: Offline
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i like the really stupid questions, my fave 1 of the day is
stupid user: "Whenever i start typing again after a full stop it puts a capital letter to start with"
me: "yes?"
stupid user: "how do i stop it doing this?"
me: "why do you want to? capital letters follow on from full stops"
stupid user "i suppose i dont need to stop it doing it then"
me: "no, goodbye"
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TNM
Member
Registered: 5th Apr 04
Location: Nottingham Drives: VW Tiguan
User status: Offline
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burn them.
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LukeGSi
Member
Registered: 9th Dec 03
User status: Offline
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 @ alexp
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Tim
Site Administrator
Registered: 21st Apr 00
User status: Offline
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"Welch Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
[Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.] "Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
[Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.] "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
[Ah--at least he knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem. I wonder if he's kicked out his monitor's power plug.] "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
[sound of rustling and jostling] [muffled] "Yes, I think so."
"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
[pause] "Yes, it is."
[Hmm. Well, that's interesting. I doubt he would have accidentally turned it off, and I don't want to send him hunting for the power switch because I don't know what kind of monitor he has and it's bound to have more than one switch on it. Maybe the video cable is loose or something.]
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
[muffled] "Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
[still muffled] "I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
[clear again] "No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle--it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes--the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power cut."
"A power--!?!" ...[AAAAAAARGH!]
This story apparently is true until this point... but someone added the following ending:
"A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're TOO STUPID TO OWN A COMPUTER!" [slam]
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Pablo
Member
Registered: 3rd Feb 03
Location: Milton Keynes
User status: Offline
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Pablo
Member
Registered: 3rd Feb 03
Location: Milton Keynes
User status: Offline
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PMSL @ Tim heard that b4
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barry_kellett99
Member
Registered: 19th May 03
User status: Offline
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Stupid User: "how do I read my archived mail?"
me: "Look in your archive mail folder"
Stupid user: "Oh..." hang up... tone
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Tim
Site Administrator
Registered: 21st Apr 00
User status: Offline
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You should hear some of the support emails I get for CorsaSport
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Pablo
Member
Registered: 3rd Feb 03
Location: Milton Keynes
User status: Offline
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Post them up
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TNM
Member
Registered: 5th Apr 04
Location: Nottingham Drives: VW Tiguan
User status: Offline
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come on post them up for a laugh
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LukeGSi
Member
Registered: 9th Dec 03
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by P4UL
Post them up
yesh go on pleeeeeeeeeeeease
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Tim
Site Administrator
Registered: 21st Apr 00
User status: Offline
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I delete them as I answer them Would have made good reading
Best one was someone saying the 'forgot password' thing wasn't working...
Them: When I use the 'forgot password' form it says it doesn't recognise my username or email address...
Me: Ok, what is your user name on the board?
Then: Username?
Me: The name you chose when you registered?
Them: Oh I need to register... thanks...
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Jason Iles
Member
Registered: 19th Jun 01
Location: Bristol
User status: Offline
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Name and shame
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Tim
Site Administrator
Registered: 21st Apr 00
User status: Offline
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Dunno cos they weren't registered
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Alex
Member
Registered: 9th Feb 03
Location: Nottingham
User status: Offline
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 classic
another 1 from earlier. Can any1 spot what the user isnt actually getting accross....
User : "i need some help"
me : "ok what with?"
User : "my computer"
me : "youve got the right number then, whats the problem"
User : "well can you come up?"
me : "whats the problem with?"
User : "my computer "
me : "yes but which bit?"
User : "the stuff inside it"
me : "well what do u want me to do"
User : "come up and sort it out"
me : "what are you trying to do?"
User : "oh its ok, ive clicked on it now and its sorted, thank you, bye"
no joke, people here manage to confuse me so much.
i never did find out what was wrong either!!
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barry_kellett99
Member
Registered: 19th May 03
User status: Offline
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I am also fortunate enough to have a team of bosses who thought a good name for our department would be: ISB (Information Services Belfast) Then I recieve emails like this in the generic helpdesk account:
I thank you for your attention. I'm an italian student looking for a school of photograpy in your city. Could you help me, please?
erika de bortoli
erikadebortoli@hotmail.com
Hi,
I was wondering could you tell me if you think your vision statement aids your culture and management style help making your company meet its objectives.could you get back to me as soon as possible
coleen large
I am trying to trace my ancestry and believe that my father was born in
Belfast, can you give me any ideas on who to contact to gain information
Hello Belfast City Council,
I would just like to ask if there is any web cams that I can view for free over the internet. I’m looking for ones in North Belfast. I have seen the one your website of the city hall which is good but I’m looking ones in the north of the cite.
Please e-mail me back with some information and webcams.
Thank You
Colin
I am visiting Belfast Indoor Bowls Club on 15 & 16th of this month i.e. next week to watch the British Isles Indoor Bowls Championships, an event that the City seems unaware is happening within it's boundaries!
I understand that the venue is in the Shorebridge district of the City but this district is not shown on the map. As I need to find accomodation near the venue I need to know where the venue is in relation to the map of Belfast provided on the website.
I would appreciate any help you can supply regarding possible guest houses within easy travel of the Belfast Indoor Bowls Club.
Regards
Tony Loveless
Brighton
I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO GET A MAP OF BELFAST
CITY CENTRE AS I AM GOING TO CHICHESTER STREET
AND WANT TO KNOW HOW I CAN GET TO DONEGALL SQUARE WEST TO GET MY BUS BACK TO BANGOR I HAVE TRY TI OBTAIN THIS WITHOUT ANY SUCCESS
COULD YOU LET ME KNOW HOW I CAN OBTAIN THIS PLEASE AS I WILL BE BUSING IT AND NEED TO CATCH MY BUS AT DONEGALL SQUARE WEST
MANY THANKS
Dear Sir,
My dog wants to know why he can’t have his usual walk due to construction work. What is going on?
pp Scamp
Erl D. Johnston
Hello from Germany,
i seek a person's adress from Belfast. His name is James Arthurs and i can not read the adress, which he gaves me last year in holiday (Mallorca).
James Arthurs, 3 UPPER Castle PK, NTH. Circular: Belfast BT.............?
Thank you for your help,when it is possible.
Keil Stephan
Erlenweg 3
93333 Neustadt/Donau
Germany
My personal favourite ->
Hello
My name is Peter Van Autreve and I live in Belgium. I am looking for Pauline Mccleary who lived at 9, gilnahirk drive belfast BT5 7DW. We met 14 yeats ago and we lost contact. Is she still living in Belfast or do you know where else she lives.
Many greetings
Peter Van Autreve
Baarzelestraat 10
9880 Aalter
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Jason Iles
Member
Registered: 19th Jun 01
Location: Bristol
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Tim
Dunno cos they weren't registered
PMSL
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Jason
Member
Registered: 5th Aug 03
Location: Northern Ireland
User status: Offline
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sounds like a cracker!
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