Jamie
Member
Registered: 1st Apr 02
Location: Aberdeen
User status: Offline
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> A Glesga Burd goes tae the social tae register fur child benefit.
>
> "How many children?" asks the civil servant "10" replies the girl.
>
> "10???" says the civil servant.. "What are their names?"
>
>"Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec and.....eh...Alec
>
> "Doesn't that get confusing?"
>
> "Naw..." says the girl "its great because if thur oot playin in the
>street,
>ah jist huv tae shout ALEC, YER DINNER'S READY or ALEC, GO TO BED NOW
>'n'
>they aw dae it..."
>
> "What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed
>civil
>servant.
>
> "'at's easy," says the girl... "Ah just use thur surnames"
>
>
>####################################################################
>
>
> A Glesga burd walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment
>on
>the counter. "Ah'll be back ra morra efternin tae pick up ma dress."
she
>says.
>
>"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
>
> "Naw" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."
>
>
>####################################################################
>
>
>Glesga burd enters a s?x shop & asks for a vibrator. The man says
>"Choose
>from our range on the wall."
>
>She says "Gies that rid yin"
>
> The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."
>
>
>####################################################################
>
>
>A Glesga burd is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and
>bleeding.
>The paramedics soon arrive on site.
>
> Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some
>questions?"
>
> Girl: "Awright"
>
> Medic: "What's your name?"
>
> Girl: "Senga."
>
>Medic: "OK Senga, is this your car?"
>
> Morag: "Aye."
>
> Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
>
> Morag: "Fu***n' Springburn."
>
>
>####################################################################
>
>
>A Glesga burd was driving down the M8 when her car phone rang. It was
>her
>boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Listen Doll, I just heard on the news
>that
>thur's a motor gawn the wrang wie oan the M8. Better watch yersel'!"
>
>"It's no' jist wan motor!" said the girl, "There's fu***n' hunners
argh!
>thump!"
>
>
>####################################################################
>
>
>Another Gelsga burd was involved in a serious crash; there's blood
>everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till
>she's lying flat out on the floor.
>
> Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
>
>
>Danielle: "Ok."
>
>Medic: "Ok the how many fingers am I putting up?"
>
>Danielle: "Oh my god I'm paralysed fae' the waist down!"
>
>
>####################################################################
>
>
>A Glesga burd and a Weegie guy are in a bar when the girl notices
>something
>strange about the Nikes the guy is wearing. She says, "Here mate, ah
>no'
>tryin tae take the p!ss ur any'hin lik' that, but how come you've goat
>an L
>oan wan ae yur gutties 'n' an R oan the other wan?"
>
>So the guy smiles, puts down his bottle of cider and replies, "Coz I'm
a
>bit
>thick so Ah huv tae huv an L oan ma left fit 'n' an R oan ma ma right
>wan."
>
> "F*** sake" exclaims the girl "So thats how ma thongs've goat C&A oan
>thum!"
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FUNNY AS