life_cooler
Member
Registered: 21st Oct 02
User status: Offline
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In case you needed further proof that the Human Race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer products:
On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO
On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU
On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE
On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT
On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS
In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box)
On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids - LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET
In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles - OPEN OTHER END
On a packet of Sunmaid raisins - WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
On a Sears hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING
On a bag of Fritos - YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE (The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap - DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP (And that would be how?)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) - DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN (Too late! You lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING (Are you sure? Let's experiment)
On a Korean kitchen knife - WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN (Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights - FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY (As opposed to use in outer space?)
On a Japanese food processor - NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE (Now I'm curious)
On Sainsbury's peanuts - WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS (Really? Peanuts contain nuts?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts - INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS (I'm glad they cleared that up)
On a Swedish chainsaw - DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS (What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)
On a child's superman costume - WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
On some frozen dinners: SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST
On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: FITS ONE HEAD
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY
On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine: DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY
On Nightly sleep aid: WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS. (Duh!)
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--Dave--
Banned
Registered: 17th Feb 04
Location: Essssseeeeex Drives: Black Supra TT
User status: Offline
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On a packet of Sunmaid raisins - WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
thats by far the best one. 
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purple_corsa_gls
Member
Registered: 25th May 04
Location: Near Sunderland
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by --Dave--
On a packet of Sunmaid raisins - WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
thats by far the best one.
pmsl at this. tasted a bit funky when i tried though
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Adam-D
Member
Registered: 11th May 02
Location: Cheshire
User status: Offline
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--Dave--
Banned
Registered: 17th Feb 04
Location: Essssseeeeex Drives: Black Supra TT
User status: Offline
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yeah same here... i yacked up.
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purple_corsa_gls
Member
Registered: 25th May 04
Location: Near Sunderland
User status: Offline
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didnt yak, just got used to it and had another couple of bowls.
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--Dave--
Banned
Registered: 17th Feb 04
Location: Essssseeeeex Drives: Black Supra TT
User status: Offline
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bet your breath smells nice.
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Predator Corsa
Member
Registered: 29th Sep 03
Location: Kent
User status: Offline
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purple_corsa_gls
Member
Registered: 25th May 04
Location: Near Sunderland
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by --Dave--
bet your breath smells nice.
I prefer fruity 
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Dav
Member
Registered: 23rd Jul 02
Location: Falkirk, Scotland
User status: Offline
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Great! I get these emails all the time!
quote:
Originally posted by life_cooler
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) - DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN (Too late! You lose!)
Not true, I checked it at work 
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Smiffie
Member
Registered: 26th Feb 04
User status: Offline
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