Jason Iles
Member
Registered: 19th Jun 01
Location: Bristol
User status: Offline
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1) I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said
"Thyroid problem?"
2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I
realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked
him to forgive me.
3) My mum was a ventriloquist and she was always throwing her voice. For
ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.
4) I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go
swimming.
5) I was doing some decorating, so I got out my stepladder. I don't get
on with my real ladder.
6) I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I
ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
7) Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names.
But one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may
break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there
on it was sticks and stones all the way.
My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why
he got thrown out of the fire brigade.
9) Sex is like a game of bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you'd
better have a good hand.
10) I saw six men kicking and punching their mother-in-law. My neighbour
said, "Are you going to help?" I said "No, Six should be enough."
11) If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of
meat?
12) I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all-nervous and
give the wrong answers.
13) You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.
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--Dave--
Banned
Registered: 17th Feb 04
Location: Essssseeeeex Drives: Black Supra TT
User status: Offline
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Number 7 was shit though 
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Marc
Member
Registered: 11th Aug 02
Location: York
User status: Offline
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chris_uk
Premium Member
Registered: 8th Jul 03
User status: Offline
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TNM
Member
Registered: 5th Apr 04
Location: Nottingham Drives: VW Tiguan
User status: Offline
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lol From man I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all-nervous and
give the wrong answers.
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Tom
Member
Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: Wirral, Merseyside
User status: Offline
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favs 
5) I was doing some decorating, so I got out my stepladder. I don't get
on with my real ladder.
8. My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why
he got thrown out of the fire brigade.
11) If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of
meat?
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Bling Bling Pimp
Member
Registered: 17th Nov 03
Location: Bolton Town Drives: A Car
User status: Offline
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leeshez
Member
Registered: 3rd May 01
Location: Great Harwood, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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