Robbo
Member
Registered: 6th Aug 02
Location: London
User status: Offline
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Forlan: The real story
TODAY WE EXPOSE A shocking security breach at Manchester United in which one of our reporters was allowed to get inside Old Trafford and wander freely around the pitch on Saturday afternoons. The reporter, Diego Forlán, was able to impersonate a footballer for more than two years when a simple check on his credentials would have revealed that he was clearly unqualified for the job.
United claim that Forlán was properly vetted, yet even the most basic assessment of his ability would have shown that he should not have been allowed near the club and that he represented a real threat to the team’s title hopes. We can tell the incredible story today after Forlán was ushered out of Old Trafford at the weekend. A Hairdryer spokesman said last night:
“Not only should it have been obvious beforehand that our reporter was a bogus applicant for the job, he has continued to be employed despite clear evidence that he does not possess the appropriate skills.
“We thought the game was up when he failed to score in his first 26 appearances for the club. We were preparing to whisk him back to his job on our features desk, yet still United didn’t detect the scam.”
United did not pursue the reference mentioned on the CV that we prepared on Forlán’s behalf. Had they done so, they would have been told that he was “probably only good enough to play for Stockport County reserves”. Instead he was given the £1,000-an-hour job as a footballer, enjoying free access to the United dressing-room and the chance to enter the pitch at 3pm on a Saturday.
However, police on duty at Old Trafford claimed they did have their eye on Forlán. A spokesman said: “There was something suspicious about him as he ran about, but since he never actually did anything we just left him.”
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