mad4corsa
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Registered: 17th May 04
User status: Offline
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Upskirts
The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.
"Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded.
"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any."
The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's £50. Go and buy yourself some underwear."
Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she is wearing no undies.
"Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?"
She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me."
He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's £20.
Go and buy yourself some underwear!"
Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
"Sweet mudder of Jesus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?"
She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any."
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the love 'o Jasus, 'n the sake of decency, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit."
thought it was quite funny
 
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Graham
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Registered: 12th Oct 03
Location: Lincoln.
User status: Offline
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a man buys a centipede from a pet store, on his way home he asks his new pet if he wants to go to the pub for a drink, no rpely comes from the box, again, he asks his new pet, but again no reply, finally he thinks ill give him one more try, and shouts into the box "OI! you in there, i asked you if you wanted to go to the pub", from the box comes "i heard you the first fucking time, im putting my shoes on"
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mad4corsa
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Registered: 17th May 04
User status: Offline
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Jason Iles
Member
Registered: 19th Jun 01
Location: Bristol
User status: Offline
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Best jokes of the Edinburgh Fringe 2004
The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died... Dido must be
sh*tting herself. Colin & Fergus at the Pleasance
My parents are from Glasgow which means they're incredibly hard, but I
was never smacked as a child ... well maybe one or two grams to get me
to sleep at night. Susan Murray at the Underbelly
Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people
were given pointed sticks? Adam Bloom at the Pleasance
My mum and dad are Scottish but they moved down to Wolverhampton when I
was two, 'cause they wanted me to sound like a tw*t. Susan Murray at the
Underbelly
I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.
Marcus Brigstocke at the Assembly Rooms
You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend tells you,
because eventually you get tested. She'll go: "What's my favourite
flower?" And you murmur to yourself: "Sh*t, I wasn't listening
...Self-raising?" Addy Van-Der-Borgh at the Assembly Rooms
The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and
punched someone in the face. Jeremy Limb, at the Trap
Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation. Jimmy
Carr
I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought
the obvious one was "Shout For Help". Mark Watson, Rhod Gilbert at the
Tron
I went out with an Irish Catholic. Very frustrating. You can take the
Girl out of Cork ... Markus Birdman at the Pod Deco
Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station. Went along. Turned
out it was a bloody hoax. Adrian Poynton at the Pleasance
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a
winner and a loser at the same time. Demetri Martin at the Assembly
Rooms
The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm
bears. Chris Addison at the Pleasance
My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of
our family holidays in Customs. Patrick Monahan at the Gilded Balloon
A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please". The
hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join
the circus?" The dog replies: "What would the circus want with a
plumber". Steven Alan Green at C34
Hey - you want to feel really handsome? Go shopping at Asda. Brendon
Burns at the Pleasance
I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already
got one!" Norman Lovett at The Stand
It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake. Chris Addison
at the Pleasance
I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I'm not
very good at it. Arnold Brown at The Stand
If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel,
then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're
trained for that. Milton Jones at the Underbelly
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leeshez
Member
Registered: 3rd May 01
Location: Great Harwood, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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michelle
Member
Registered: 15th Oct 03
Location: Kirkintilloch, Glasgow
User status: Offline
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A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking
frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire
running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt
him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy
plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he
had been happily listening to his Walkman.
_______________________________________________
Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of
sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two
thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence,
stampeding madly The two hopeless protesters were trampled to death.
____________________________________________
Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter
bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it.
Forgetting
it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.
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StuartGee
Member
Registered: 10th Dec 02
Location: Ellon, Aberdeenshire
User status: Offline
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2 fish in a tank, one says to the other:
"how do you drive this thing?"!!
2 Chavs walking through the jungle and they come across a guy being eaten by a crocodile, only his head remains poking out the crocs mouth and one says to the other:
"Check that flash bastard in his Lacoste sleeping bag"
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Ryan L
Member
Registered: 4th Mar 03
Location: Essex
User status: Offline
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I went out with an Irish Catholic. Very frustrating. You can take the
Girl out of Cork ... Markus Birdman at the Pod Deco
Quality
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Half Pint
Member
Registered: 25th Mar 02
User status: Offline
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