Limecat
Banned
Registered: 25th Jun 05
Location: The Internet
User status: Offline
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Well, my car has been really sluggish ever since I bought it so after being inspired by 20valvers posts I decided it was time that I did something about it; it was time to tune the bollocks off it.
The process for this was quite simple, start with the most power sapping thing on the whole car - no, not the ashtray or the MFD but the airbox! 
So, there are some obvious things that we have to do here to make sure that we get the results we are expecting. We must be very thorough in our execution, we must use the cheapest things know to man so that it is financially viable and we must throw in lots of big words in the write up so as to appear knowledgeable and make people think we have been tuning bikes for years... 
So, take your standard airbox and release the clips, we are going to take it apart because Vauxhall trap the power in there from the factory. These clips are to stop it escaping.
Now we need to bin this air filter, after all it is only to catch particles of plutonium so it doesn't cause our engines to explode.
Now we can see the inside of the airbox, soon we can release all the power but this is the dangerous part because when we release the power from the airbox it will alert to power gods of our intentions. 
Undeterred I carried on, however I would need the help of a true tuning god in order to make my escape from the power gods. I was in a pickle, there was no-one I could call on, I went down to see JamieD and just as I did my prayers were answered; 20valver phoned for his daily chat and offered his services. So we were all set to go, I released the tube inside the box and as soon as it came away from it's seat (luckily it had been siliconed in place so it would come apart easily ) the alarms sounded. I froze with fear, I have just obtained immeasurable knowledge and the tuning gods were approaching, from the darkness 20valver made his escape - even being composed enough to take his airbox modifying tool with him.
I sneaked out in the opposite direction, grateful of the diversion created by 20valver. The heartache of losing this knowledge was too much for one of the power gods to take, but reading some of 20valvers posts pushed him over the edge, he had no choice but turn his gun on himself and end it all...
Having escaped from the maximum security stockade, we headed for the Los Angeles underground. We are still wanted by the power gods so have to survive as tuners of misfortune.
In our secret location we carried on releasing the power from the airbox, now derestricted we were on our way.
We knew that we had to smooth the airbox to get all that lovely power but it was too dangerous to buy some filler so we had to make do with parcel tape.
The top needed some of the same. The box also needed sealing but I dropped the copper grease whilst making my escape. This was turning into a disaster until I improvised with some extra virgin olive oil.
Before;
Smoothed and sealed;
Now we had to test it, remember you test, evaluate and re-test.
A quick drive around the block showed we had loads of extra hypoglycaemic air particles going into our airbox, this is perfect - just what we want. Only problem is that all the extra air particles meant we are now running leaner.  We needed to supply more fuel.
With one charcoal lump added the car noticeably improved but the time and date settings on the MFD showed that we were still not running at proper warp power. We added 1mm to the timing and still no difference to the readings.
A bit more experimentation soon found us passing through 2 and then 3 coal pieces to reach our desired result.
The car was flying now and fuelling perfectly, the only problem we had is that the door cards started to rattle, this was an indication that the air coming in wasn't wet enough. 20valver told me of his old water wetting trick, apparently as a cucumber is 90% water that would sort it - I am amazed just what you can do with a simple old airbox.
Problem again - no bastard cucumbers. Thank the lord for the red bell pepper, onion and carrot though.
A final run showed that the car would now do 128MPH, previously it only did 60. This airbox malarkey is certainly worth endangering my health for.
The finished product...
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Dave A
USER UNDER INVESTIGATION - DO NOT TRADE
Registered: 10th Dec 03
Location: County Durham
User status: Offline
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NEEDS FLOW TESTING TBH.
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Limecat
Banned
Registered: 25th Jun 05
Location: The Internet
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Dave A
NEEDS FLOW TESTING TBH.
Good idea I will go and do that now!
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DannyB
Premium Member
Registered: 6th Feb 08
User status: Offline
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Win 
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Pip308
Member
Registered: 25th Oct 07
Location: Basingstoke Drives: Audi A4 Avant, Mk1 Caddy
User status: Offline
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LOL
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GT190
Member
Registered: 6th Dec 07
Location: Greater London
User status: Offline
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the only funny part was when the lego man turned the gun on himself tbh
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Dan Lewis
Member
Registered: 31st Jan 05
Location: Leicestershire
User status: Offline
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James_H
Member
Registered: 16th Sep 07
Location: Slough, Berkshire
User status: Offline
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lmfao tooo fucking funny, the amount of work people put in threads
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Limecat
Banned
Registered: 25th Jun 05
Location: The Internet
User status: Offline
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172 degree improvement in flow.
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BluKoo
Member
Registered: 8th Apr 02
Location: Stonehaven (Scotland)
User status: Offline
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Someone give this guy a medal!
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James_H
Member
Registered: 16th Sep 07
Location: Slough, Berkshire
User status: Offline
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Works tbh, Group buy?
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little_duke
Member
Registered: 21st Aug 06
Location: Tamworth,staffordshire Drives: rover coupe
User status: Offline
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bloody
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Tom
Member
Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: Wirral, Merseyside
User status: Offline
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FPMSL
Good effort!
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James_H
Member
Registered: 16th Sep 07
Location: Slough, Berkshire
User status: Offline
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The heartache of losing this knowledge was too much for one of the power gods to take, but reading some of 20valvers posts pushed him over the edge, he had no choice but turn his gun on himself and end it all...
Fucking
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Robin
Premium Member
Registered: 7th Jan 04
Location: Northants Drives: Clio 182 Cup
User status: Offline
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Best thread ever by far
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Ellis
Member
Registered: 11th Sep 07
Location: Aberdeenshire
User status: Offline
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FLOL!
Legendary
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col
Member
Registered: 1st May 08
Location: cumbria
User status: Offline
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liamgallagher1994
Member
Registered: 12th Aug 07
Location: Chesterfield Drives: JDM Honda Integra DC2
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Robin
Best thread ever by far
DEFFO
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Tom
Member
Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: Wirral, Merseyside
User status: Offline
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Someone post up 20v thread please?
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daymoon
Premium Member
Registered: 1st Aug 08
Location: Selby, North Yorkshire
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Robin
Best thread ever by far
+1 
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James_H
Member
Registered: 16th Sep 07
Location: Slough, Berkshire
User status: Offline
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http://www.corsasport.co.uk/board/viewthread.php?tid=453977
lol
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Tom
Member
Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: Wirral, Merseyside
User status: Offline
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I really need to start using help and mod zone
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James_H
Member
Registered: 16th Sep 07
Location: Slough, Berkshire
User status: Offline
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Should of taped the throttle body tbh
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jr
Member
Registered: 20th May 02
Location: Kent
User status: Offline
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actully made me out loud in the office genius
use of lego men was exceptional
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Chris F
Show Staff
Organiser: East Anglia
Premium Member
Registered: 26th Dec 05
Location: Newmarket Drives: Escort Van 1.8
User status: Offline
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I was rolling all over the bed
This lad is ace, tunings a 1.4? wats he thinking
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