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Author Scottish insults..
Ojc
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Registered: 14th Nov 00
Location: Reading: Drives : Clio 197
User status: Offline
14th Nov 08 at 15:07   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
First email I have had in about 5 years that actually made me laugh, heard some before but some of them are classic.

She had a fanny like a stab wound in a gorilla's back>>
Look's like she's been dooking for apples in a chip pan>>
Had mair hauns up her than sooty!>>
Shes got a face like a dug lickin pish aff a thistle.>>
She's got a face that could make an onion cry.>>
I wouldn't ride her into battle.>>
Mair chins than a chinese phone book>>
She smells like an alkies carpet>>
It's like shaggin a pail of water.>>
She's killed more cocks than a fowl butcher>>
Fanny like a ripped out fireplace>>
Face like a sand blasted tomato>>
She sweats like a dog in a Chinese restaurant>>
She's seen more helmets than Hitler>>
Face like a stuntman's knee>>
She's seen more cockends than weekends>>
Its like throwing a sausage up a close>>
A left her wi a face like a painter's radio>>
Fanny like a clowns pocket>>
She's that ugly no' even a sniper would take her out>>
I bet she's got a fanny like a pub carpet>>
More pricks than a second hand dartboard.>>
Face like a blind joiners thumb>>
Even the tide wouldnt take her out>>
Got more finger prints on her than scotland yard>>
Got a fanny like a gutted trout>>
Got a fanny like a burst couch>>
Shes had more seamen than saltcoats>>
Does yer da have a beard or was that yer maw doing handstands at thewindae again?>>
Shes seen mare stiffs than Quincy!>>
Shes seen mare cokes than a bottle of bacardi!>>
Shes got a face like a treble 20!
corsa_sean
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Registered: 11th Mar 08
Location: aberdeen
User status: Offline
14th Nov 08 at 15:09   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
ha ha there quality ive actualy used i fair few i still ove the classic

i wouldnt ride that into battle
Ojc
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Registered: 14th Nov 00
Location: Reading: Drives : Clio 197
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14th Nov 08 at 15:13   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
I love the

"Even a sniper wouldn't take her out"
Sam
Moderator
Premium Member

Registered: 24th Dec 99
Location: West Midlands
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14th Nov 08 at 15:19   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
"Face like a sand blasted tomato"
Dav
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Registered: 23rd Jul 02
Location: Falkirk, Scotland
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14th Nov 08 at 15:48   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Heard most of them used before. I love the "fanny like a ripped out fireplace" one
Eck
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Registered: 17th Apr 06
Location: Lundin Links, Fife
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14th Nov 08 at 16:42   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Even a Sniper wouldn't take her out LMAO!

It's like shaggin a pail o' water
sand-eel
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Registered: 15th Mar 07
Location: carluke/braidwood--IRNBRULAND
User status: Offline
14th Nov 08 at 17:13   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
She's got a face that could make an onion cry.>> thats my fav
Lawrah
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Registered: 25th Dec 04
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14th Nov 08 at 17:30   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
I use those on a regular basis.
sand-eel
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Registered: 15th Mar 07
Location: carluke/braidwood--IRNBRULAND
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14th Nov 08 at 17:33   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
suuuuuuure your not even scottish...
Theham85
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Registered: 29th Nov 06
Location: Brisbane Queensland
User status: Offline
14th Nov 08 at 17:33   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Lawrah
I use those on a regular basis.


Towards customers that don't give you tips?



Lawrah
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Registered: 25th Dec 04
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14th Nov 08 at 17:37   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by sand-eel
suuuuuuure your not even scottish...


What am I ?

What is this? Brother Abuse ?
Ellis
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Registered: 11th Sep 07
Location: Aberdeenshire
User status: Offline
14th Nov 08 at 17:39   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
I'd say a good 50% of those are in my regular vocabulary...

Although; "Face like a sand blasted tomato" cracks me up
sand-eel
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Registered: 15th Mar 07
Location: carluke/braidwood--IRNBRULAND
User status: Offline
14th Nov 08 at 17:40   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
korean/ egyption
the internet
he is no longer ma brother...
Theham85
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Registered: 29th Nov 06
Location: Brisbane Queensland
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14th Nov 08 at 17:43   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by sand-eel
korean/ egyption
the internet
he is no longer ma brother...



Obviously you cannot be my Brother as no relation of mine would spell Egyptian wrong !
sand-eel
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Registered: 15th Mar 07
Location: carluke/braidwood--IRNBRULAND
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14th Nov 08 at 17:45   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
just cos u sucked off a orse
Graham88
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Registered: 16th Apr 07
Location: South East Kent Drives: E46 M3
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14th Nov 08 at 18:14   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
I need to remember some of those
Skylined
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Registered: 27th Sep 05
Location: Sideways, Surrey
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14th Nov 08 at 18:33   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
face like a painters radio is good
col
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Registered: 1st May 08
Location: cumbria
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14th Nov 08 at 18:53   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
She's that ugly no' even a sniper would take her out>>
Matt L
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Registered: 17th Apr 06
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14th Nov 08 at 19:15   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
'She had a fanny like a stab wound in a gorilla's back'

made me fucking
Skylined
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Registered: 27th Sep 05
Location: Sideways, Surrey
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14th Nov 08 at 19:16   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
My mate came up with a good one the other day

I asked him about this bird he was poking....he replied

"It was like throwing a wand down a corridor"
alan-g-w
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Registered: 9th Nov 07
Location: Glasgow
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14th Nov 08 at 19:24   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
'Fanny like the top of a welly'

One of my personal faves.

Best one there's gotta be:

'Does yer da have a beard or was that yer maw doing handstands at thewindae again?'
wilson_sri
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Registered: 31st Aug 04
Location: Dunfermline Drives: Technics 1210s
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14th Nov 08 at 19:28   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
haha some crackers iv never heard before in there.

Another good one is
"youv a face like a melted welly"
Seany
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Registered: 13th Dec 06
Location: Dunfermline, Fife : Drives Astra cdti Sri
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14th Nov 08 at 21:34   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
she's got a fanny like a wizards sleeve
jamied
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Registered: 27th Oct 03
Location: Marbella,Spain Drives: C63
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14th Nov 08 at 21:37   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
you talking to me or chewing a brick
Gareth F
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Registered: 16th Jan 08
Location: Location Location
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14th Nov 08 at 21:43   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
One from me is "shes got a face like a bag of smashed crabs" No idea where it came from but it stuck with us

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