BluKoo
Member
Registered: 8th Apr 02
Location: Stonehaven (Scotland)
User status: Offline
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Dunno if its a repost of not. I've not seen it on here, so i'm guessing its not 
http://www.fmylife.com/
I loved this one:
quote:
Today, a customer that I've been waiting on for years came into the restaurant after a long absence. I said to him, "Hey man, it looks like you lost a lot of weight! How'd you do it?" He replied, "I got cancer." FML
[Edited on 25-02-2009 by BluKoo]
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sand-eel
Member
Registered: 15th Mar 07
Location: carluke/braidwood--IRNBRULAND
User status: Offline
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Today, I went to my first strip club for my friends birthday. I also found out what my girlfriend does for a living.
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mattk
Member
Registered: 27th Feb 06
Location: St. Helens
User status: Offline
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Today, it was really cold and windy and I started my car before work. I locked the front door of my house and shut it behind me to leave. The wind was blowing and all my hair got shut in my locked front door... with my keys in my car's ignition. FML
PMSL
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PhilC
Member
Registered: 21st Jan 06
Location: Lancs, UK
User status: Offline
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I read 10 pages. That says a lot about me.
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andy1868
Member
Registered: 22nd Jun 06
Location: Burscough, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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my boss directed this to me last week, hilarious
my favourite one so far is:
"today, my gym teacher was wearing bright white t-shirt and shorts, i told him he was looking very white today. he's african american"
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sand-eel
Member
Registered: 15th Mar 07
Location: carluke/braidwood--IRNBRULAND
User status: Offline
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Today, I went to the Doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.
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drunkenfool
Member
Registered: 7th Feb 03
Location: Hereford Drives: Audi R8 V8
User status: Offline
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Today, while changing my tampon in the stall of my high school's bathroom, I lost control of the plastic applicator. The blood-covered apparatus shot out like a rocket underneath the stall door. For a moment I thought no one noticed, then the screaming began. FML
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drunkenfool
Member
Registered: 7th Feb 03
Location: Hereford Drives: Audi R8 V8
User status: Offline
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Today, I drunk dialed my mom and told her I was so high and drunk that I thought the KGB was coming after me. When I woke up this morning, my mom told me that she's no longer paying for college. FML
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XSIHardy
Member
Registered: 5th Feb 08
User status: Offline
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Today, my girlfriend asked me to pleasure her with a toy. The only thing we had around was an airsoft gun. I didn't realize it was loaded and I accidentally pulled the trigger
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Sam
Moderator
Premium Member
Registered: 24th Dec 99
Location: West Midlands
User status: Offline
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Today, my parents gave me a shirt from Banana Republic for my birthday. It looked like one I had bought for myself a couple of days earlier but I thanked them and went to hang it in my closet. An empty hanger hung where I placed the shirt I had purchased. They gave me my shirt for my birthday. FML
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sam_h
Member
Registered: 21st Feb 09
Location: Beverley, East yorkshire
User status: Offline
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Today, I took a massive dump at work and proceeded to clog an industrial toilet. Since I used the unisex one at the end of the hall, I watched my super hot coworker walk in after me. And then she proceeded to run out immediately. Everyone had seen me walk out before her. FML
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ajscorsa
Member
Registered: 30th Apr 02
Location: Perceton, North Ayrshire
User status: Offline
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please keep posting these, I cant get on that site at work, its hilarious tho lol
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pow
Premium Member
Registered: 11th Sep 06
Location: Hazlemere, Buckinghamshire
User status: Offline
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Today, I was presenting a powerpoint. As I plugged in the cord that connected my computer to the projector, I had forgotten what my boyfriend had set my desktop picture to the night before. I opened my laptop and projected on the wall was me nude. I go to Catholic school. FML
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Rob E
Member
Registered: 1st Jan 06
Location: Madeley, Stafford....I want to live back in Wales!
User status: Offline
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Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML
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johnhara1
Member
Registered: 19th Oct 06
Location: Newcastle upon Tyne
User status: Offline
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Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML
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sam_h
Member
Registered: 21st Feb 09
Location: Beverley, East yorkshire
User status: Offline
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Today, my girlfriend and I had sex for the first time. When I was on top of her, she asked me if it was in yet. I said yes. She sighed. FML
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sam_h
Member
Registered: 21st Feb 09
Location: Beverley, East yorkshire
User status: Offline
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Today my lesbian sister enthusiastically showed me her new strap on. Not only does she get more girls than me, she now has a bigger penis too. FML
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johnhara1
Member
Registered: 19th Oct 06
Location: Newcastle upon Tyne
User status: Offline
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Today, I took my dog for a walk down by the river. I was throwing sticks for him with one hand and talking on the phone with the other. Then I accidentally threw my phone in the river instead of the stick and was standing there talking to the stick while my phone sat at the bottom of the river. FML
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sam_h
Member
Registered: 21st Feb 09
Location: Beverley, East yorkshire
User status: Offline
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Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML
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deano87
Member
Registered: 21st Oct 06
Location: Bedfordshire Drives: Ford Fiesta
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by sam_h
Today my lesbian sister enthusiastically showed me her new strap on. Not only does she get more girls than me, she now has a bigger penis too. FML
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johnhara1
Member
Registered: 19th Oct 06
Location: Newcastle upon Tyne
User status: Offline
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Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML
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sam_h
Member
Registered: 21st Feb 09
Location: Beverley, East yorkshire
User status: Offline
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Today, while copying some stuff for school, I felt someone rubbing her boobs against my back. I got a boner and when I looked to see who the hot chick was, I saw my fat friend rubbing his man boobs against my back. FML
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sam_h
Member
Registered: 21st Feb 09
Location: Beverley, East yorkshire
User status: Offline
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Today, I finished having sex with my girlfriend when she asked if I had started smoking weed again. I said yes and asked if she could smell it on me, since I had recently smoked. She replied, "The only time you can last this long is when you're high." FML
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C2RL R
Member
Registered: 28th Mar 02
Location: Redcliffe, QLD
User status: Offline
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Today, me and my girlfriend were watching some show about sex on the discovery channel. The topic of female orgasms came up and she said, "Wow, I wonder what that's like?" We've been dating and sexually active for three years. FML
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Hammer
Member
Registered: 11th Feb 04
User status: Offline
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Quality site, I've just wasted a good hour on it
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