Rich7585
Member
Registered: 16th Nov 07
Location: Oxfordshire
User status: Offline
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A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.
The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck."
"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.
"And you can talk!" exclaims the barman.
"I see your ears are working, too," says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"
"Certainly, sorry about that," says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint. "It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?"
"I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck. "I'm a plasterer."
The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.
So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.
The same thing happens for two weeks.
Then one day the circus comes to town.
The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him "You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"
"Sounds marvellous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call."
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."
"I'm always looking for the next job," says the duck. "Where is it?"
"At the circus," says the barman.
"The circus?" repeats the duck.
"That's right," replies the barman.
"The circus?" the duck asks again. "That place with the big tent?"
"Yeah," the barman replies.
"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck.
"Of course," the barman replies.
"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.
"That's right!" says the barman.
The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says .. . ..
"What the f*** would they want with a plasterer??!"
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nathy_87
Member
Registered: 14th Aug 08
Location: West Mids. Drives: Škoda Fabia VRS 5J
User status: Offline
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Wrighty
Member
Registered: 28th Feb 04
Location: Howden
User status: Offline
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LOL
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Ste
Premium Member
Registered: 5th Mar 03
Location: Taif, Saudi Arabia
User status: Offline
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I would rather lose by a mile because i built my own car, than win by an inch because someone else built it for me.
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alan-g-w
Member
Registered: 9th Nov 07
Location: Glasgow
User status: Offline
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A duck's staying at a hotel for a wild night of passion with his new lady duck friend. Just as things are steaming up she asks him if he has protection. 'Nope, but not a problem' he replies and swiftly gets on the phone to room service. 'Hello, I'd like a couple of condoms brought up to my room please' he says. 'Shall I just put them on your bill Sir?' the receptionist replies. To which the duck says:
'Hell no! What kind of pervert do you think I am?!'
[Edited on 27-05-2009 by alan-g-w]
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Ste
Premium Member
Registered: 5th Mar 03
Location: Taif, Saudi Arabia
User status: Offline
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These jokes are quackers.
I would rather lose by a mile because i built my own car, than win by an inch because someone else built it for me.
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Jay
Member
Registered: 26th Sep 04
Location: Liverpool
User status: Offline
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 Havent heard that one before
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Ian
Site Administrator
Registered: 28th Aug 99
Location: Liverpool
User status: Offline
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This type of humour gets me down.
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