moka
Member
Registered: 11th Mar 06
User status: Offline
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I said to my son, "Where you going?"
He said, "I'm off to meet a girl."
I said, "Don't forget to wear a... you know."
He said, "What?"
I said, "You know."
He said, "Do you mean a condom?"
I said,"No, a fucking hat you ginger cunt."
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Eddx14xe
Member
Registered: 12th Jan 10
Location: Hertfordshire
User status: Offline
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I wouldnt of let him out, dont want him to breed to do we.
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Bissmire
Member
Registered: 30th Sep 08
User status: Offline
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I just got back from a Charity Do at the local Bulimic Society.
Place was heaving
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_Allan_
Member
Registered: 24th Mar 04
User status: Offline
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nathy_87
Member
Registered: 14th Aug 08
Location: West Mids. Drives: Škoda Fabia VRS 5J
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Bissmire
I just got back from a Charity Do at the local Bulimic Society.
Place was heaving
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Ronson
Member
Registered: 6th Dec 10
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by nathy_87
quote:
Originally posted by Bissmire
I just got back from a Charity Do at the local Bulimic Society.
Place was heaving
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ashleh
Member
Registered: 23rd Dec 08
Location: Nottingham
User status: Offline
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My wife left me because she said I'm addicted to oxymorons.
She was pretty ugly anyway.
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Matt L
Member
Registered: 17th Apr 06
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by ashleh
My wife left me because she said I'm addicted to oxymorons.
She was pretty ugly anyway.
funny that my wife left me for my obsession with steps.
tragedy  .
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Bissmire
Member
Registered: 30th Sep 08
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Matt L
quote:
Originally posted by ashleh
My wife left me because she said I'm addicted to oxymorons.
She was pretty ugly anyway.
funny that my wife left me for my obsession with steps.
tragedy .
I know how it feels, I just left my wife becuase she goes absolutely mental over nothing during her period.
Its just an ovary action
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FlaFFy_91
Premium Member
Registered: 30th Sep 08
Location: Formby, Merseyside
User status: Offline
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Just been invited to a charity ball for women with no legs
Apparently the dance floors going to be crawling with pussy
:/
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kazazza
Member
Registered: 5th Oct 09
Location: Herne Bay, Kent
User status: Offline
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The Beer Prayer; Our lager, Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink. Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk), At home as it is in the pub. Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillages, As we forgive those who spill against us. And lead us not to incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers. For thine is the beer, The bitter, The lager. Barmen.
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moka
Member
Registered: 11th Mar 06
User status: Offline
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I cried myself to sleep every night for ten years until I found out that some cunt had stuffed my pillow with onions.
[Edited on 14-09-2011 by moka]
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harrybanks
Member
Registered: 30th May 08
Location: Basingstoke
User status: Offline
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I got a strange text this evening off a number I didnt know. I replied "Who's this?" I got a message back saying "Your worst fucking nightmare" Which left me a bit baffled as she was sitting next to me and hadnt moved the whole time
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kazazza
Member
Registered: 5th Oct 09
Location: Herne Bay, Kent
User status: Offline
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Damn I hate it when my girl asks me if I'm in yet and I tell her I'm already finished
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BluKoo
Member
Registered: 8th Apr 02
Location: Stonehaven (Scotland)
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by kazazza
Damn I hate it when my girl asks me if I'm in yet and I tell her I'm already finished
Is that meant to be a joke?
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kazazza
Member
Registered: 5th Oct 09
Location: Herne Bay, Kent
User status: Offline
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Joe says to Mike behind him, 'My elbow hurts like heck. I guess I'd better see a doctor.'
'Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money,' Mike replies.
'There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart . Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.
It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars. . . A lot cheaper than a doctor.' So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: 'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart. That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.. Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following: 1 Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9) 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.. (Aisle 7) 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 4. Your wife is pregnant with Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 5 . If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better! Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.
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kazazza
Member
Registered: 5th Oct 09
Location: Herne Bay, Kent
User status: Offline
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[Edited on 14-09-2011 by kazazza]
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kazazza
Member
Registered: 5th Oct 09
Location: Herne Bay, Kent
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by BluKoo
quote:
Originally posted by kazazza
Damn I hate it when my girl asks me if I'm in yet and I tell her I'm already finished
Is that meant to be a joke?
Well this is a joke thread isnt it? You figure it out
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FlaFFy_91
Premium Member
Registered: 30th Sep 08
Location: Formby, Merseyside
User status: Offline
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I failed my driving test again, today. There were a couple of minors.
The examiner said that I was right slowing down by the school, but wolf whistling is a definite no-no.
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Tomnova16
Premium Member
Registered: 21st Jan 06
Location: Gerrards Cross Drives: Porsche 911
User status: Offline
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A sexy young girl approached me in the club last night.
"Wanna buy me a few drinks?" she whispered with a wink.
"Of course," I burst out, shooting to the bar.
After she had drunk 5 vodkas within 10 minutes, I gave her a nudge.
"I bet you're the type of girl that uses men to get drunk and gives nothing in return, aren't you?" I asked.
"You've got me all figured out," she smirked.
"Well not tonight!" I replied, waving an empty Rohypnol box in her face
http://www.lemass.co.uk/ for all your automotive/bodyshop needs
Located in Chalfont st Peter
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Fonz
Premium Member
Registered: 12th May 06
Location: Newbury, Berks
User status: Offline
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how do you make 5 punds of fat look good?
but a nipple on it!
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Ronson
Member
Registered: 6th Dec 10
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Fonz
how do you make 5 punds of fat look good?
but a nipple on it!
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Bissmire
Member
Registered: 30th Sep 08
User status: Offline
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Anal sex is like my first car.
I didnt want it, but my Uncle gave it to me anyway.
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Tomnova16
Premium Member
Registered: 21st Jan 06
Location: Gerrards Cross Drives: Porsche 911
User status: Offline
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mate you always make me pmsl
http://www.lemass.co.uk/ for all your automotive/bodyshop needs
Located in Chalfont st Peter
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Tomnova16
Premium Member
Registered: 21st Jan 06
Location: Gerrards Cross Drives: Porsche 911
User status: Offline
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What did the leper say to the prostitute?
"You can keep the tip"
http://www.lemass.co.uk/ for all your automotive/bodyshop needs
Located in Chalfont st Peter
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