NovaGTE
Member
Registered: 16th Dec 02
User status: Offline
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Im bored at work and thought a good joke would pass the time!
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Adam-D
Member
Registered: 11th May 02
Location: Cheshire
User status: Offline
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you want a joke
saxo's are great!
hows that
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3CorsaMeal
Member
Registered: 11th Apr 02
User status: Offline
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Heard that joke about poo?
Its shit!
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vibrio
Banned
Registered: 28th Feb 01
Location: POAH
User status: Offline
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how about Steve's car going on the flat
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3CorsaMeal
Member
Registered: 11th Apr 02
User status: Offline
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Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling, 'You Sign! You sign!'
Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is standing
there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell
louder. 'You Sign! You sign!' Nelson says to him, 'Look, you've
obviously
got the wrong man',and shuts the door in his face. The next day he hears
a
knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little Chinese man is
back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's
nose, yelling, 'You sign! You sign!' Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked
off
by now, so he pushes the little Chinese man back, shouting: 'Look, go
away!
You've got the wrong man! I don't want them!' Then he slams the door in
his
face again.
The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he
hears
a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little
Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting, 'You sign!
You sign!' Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts. This time
Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his
shirt
front and yells at him; 'Look, I don't want these! Do you understand?
You
must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?' The little
Chinese man looks at him very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says:
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >(wait for it)
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >Get your best Chinese accent ready .....
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
>'You not Nissan Main Dealer?'
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Tommy
Member
Registered: 24th Aug 00
Location: Essex, Colchester
User status: Offline
|
I took my bull dog to the vets the other day coz he looks cross eyes, the vet picked him up, looked in his eyes and say im afriad im going to have to put him down. I said is it really that bad. He said no hes just really heavy
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Tommy
Member
Registered: 24th Aug 00
Location: Essex, Colchester
User status: Offline
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Man goes to doctors with a strwberry stuck on his head, doctor says ill give u some cream to put on it.
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darryl
Member
Registered: 11th Jun 02
Location: luton
User status: Offline
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A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight
from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun
game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely
declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The
lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of
fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know
the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa. "Again, she
declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated,
says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and
if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This
catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no
end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from
the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches
into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the
lawyer.
Okay says the lawyer, your turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes
up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The
lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all
his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his
modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no
answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and
coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and
hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back
to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde
and asks, "Well, what's the answer? "Without a word, the blonde
reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to
sleep.
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Adam-D
Member
Registered: 11th May 02
Location: Cheshire
User status: Offline
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Fad
Member
Registered: 1st Feb 01
Location: Dartford Kent Drives: 330cd
User status: Offline
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quality
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Gavin
Premium Member
Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: West Midlands
User status: Offline
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very
pew pew pew pewwwww
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Gavin
Premium Member
Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: West Midlands
User status: Offline
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"you not nissian main dealer"
[Edited on 30-04-2003 by B19 GAV]
pew pew pew pewwwww
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Gambit
Member
Registered: 5th Jun 00
Location: Common Sense HQ
User status: Offline
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What does DNA stand for??
National Dsylexic Association
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Mark Petty
Member
Registered: 26th Jul 01
Location: Bournemouth Drives: Suzuki gsf600
User status: Offline
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Two sperms are travelling to the ovaries chatting away to each other. One says to the other "are we nearly at the ovaries yet" the other says "you are joking aren't we only just past the tonsils".
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Gavin
Premium Member
Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: West Midlands
User status: Offline
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brill
pew pew pew pewwwww
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bradfincham
Member
Registered: 20th Sep 02
Location: East Of England Drives: Clio 172
User status: Offline
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a girl takes her date back home after a meal
when she gets to the front door she tells her date that her parents are deaf and that if he could wait in lounge while she gets changed
so the date walks in and says hi and they wave back
after sitting down for a minute he notices her mum pulling her skirt down
she then sticks a budweiser bottle up her pussy
the date is overwhelmed
then her dad lights a match and sits staring at it burning!
the date is shocked so runs into the girls bedroom and tells her whats going on
she replies its o.k there only talking to each other
so the date asks what they are saying and the girl replies by:
mums saying get the beers in you cunt, and dads saying no cos im watching the match
!!
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kz
Member
Registered: 9th Aug 02
Location: Southend, Essex Drives: Mini Cooper S
User status: Offline
|
a man with fives penis' found it hard to find condoms. but when he found some, they fitted like a glove 
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cocky
Member
Registered: 25th Mar 03
Location: Newcastle
User status: Offline
|
a blonde gets a phone call @ wrk...she comes out cryin "wots rong?" asks her boss...."i just found out my mam died" she replied!........
1hr later she recieves another fone call & agen cums out cryin....."wots rong now?" asks her boss....."i just found out my sisters mother died too" she replied
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leeshez
Member
Registered: 3rd May 01
Location: Great Harwood, Lancashire
User status: Offline
|
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Robbo
Member
Registered: 6th Aug 02
Location: London
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by 3CorsaMeal
Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling, 'You Sign! You sign!'
Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is standing
there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell
louder. 'You Sign! You sign!' Nelson says to him, 'Look, you've
obviously
got the wrong man',and shuts the door in his face. The next day he hears
a
knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little Chinese man is
back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's
nose, yelling, 'You sign! You sign!' Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked
off
by now, so he pushes the little Chinese man back, shouting: 'Look, go
away!
You've got the wrong man! I don't want them!' Then he slams the door in
his
face again.
The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he
hears
a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little
Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting, 'You sign!
You sign!' Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts. This time
Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his
shirt
front and yells at him; 'Look, I don't want these! Do you understand?
You
must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?' The little
Chinese man looks at him very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says:
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >(wait for it)
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >Get your best Chinese accent ready .....
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
>'You not Nissan Main Dealer?'
PMSL
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Carly
Member
Registered: 21st Aug 03
Location: sheffield
User status: Offline
|
man walks into a bar...ouch!
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BigSte
Member
Registered: 27th Aug 02
Location: Sheffield
User status: Offline
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What happened to the shark that swallowed his keys??
He got lockjaw
(came from the Penguin I've just had)
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kinkycorsa
Member
Registered: 19th Feb 03
Location: Bristol
User status: Offline
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My fave joke but you've already heard it mat
What do you call 2 thieves?
A pair of knickers
= simple but
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Jason Iles
Member
Registered: 19th Jun 01
Location: Bristol
User status: Offline
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I got banned from B&Q the other day, this wanker in orange overalls came up to me and asked if I wanted decking. So I got the first punch in.
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BigSte
Member
Registered: 27th Aug 02
Location: Sheffield
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by J 11ESY
I got banned from B&Q the other day, this wanker in orange overalls came up to me and asked if I wanted decking. So I got the first punch in.
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