Marc
Member
Registered: 11th Aug 02
Location: York
User status: Offline
|
I came out of the chip shop with a meat/potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage.
A poor homeless man, sitting there, said, “I've not eaten for two days.”
I told him, “I wish I had your will power!”
I took my biology exam last Friday.
I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells.
Apparently "young blacks" and "Romanian gypsies" were not the correct answers.
A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunch time today.
She said, “Sorry about the wait.”
I said, “Don't worry dear. You might lose it eventually.”
I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop, as I went into the bank.
When I came out, he looked at me and said, “Any change?”
I said “No, you're still black.”
Snow in the forecast!
The TV weather girl said, she was expecting 8 inches tonight.
I thought to myself, "Fat chance with a face like that!"
An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road.
A man asks him, “What's wrong?”
The boy says, "Me ma is dead."
"Oh bejaysus," the man says.
“Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?”
The boy replies, “No tanks mister. Sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment.”
Years ago it was suggested, that an apple a day kept the doctor away.
But since all the doctors are now Muslims, I've found that a bacon sandwich works better!
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such an immensely fast shutter-speed,
that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth shut.
I hate all this terrorist business.
I used to love the days, when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or a bus,
and think to yourself, "I'm gonna take that!"
A man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland.
He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts down to him, “Where am I?”
The Irish farmer looks back up and shouts back, "You can't fool me. You're in that basket up there."
I had a Trivia Competition in the bag until the very last question, which I got wrong.
The question was, "Where do women have the curliest hair?"
Apparently the correct answer was Fiji.
A woman has a medical at the doctors.
"You are grossly overweight," he says.
"I want a 2nd opinion," she exclaims.
"OK. You're bloody ugly as well."
|
IvIarkgraham
Premium Member
Registered: 27th Mar 04
Location: Ellesmere Port, Cheshire
User status: Offline
|
got any good ones?
|
3CorsaMeal
Member
Registered: 11th Apr 02
User status: Offline
|
Why did the Baker have brown hands?
He kneaded a poo!
|
Dom
Member
Registered: 13th Sep 03
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by IvIarkgraham
got any good ones?
You?
|
IvIarkgraham
Premium Member
Registered: 27th Mar 04
Location: Ellesmere Port, Cheshire
User status: Offline
|
yeah
|
Dom
Member
Registered: 13th Sep 03
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by IvIarkgraham
yeah
I wasn't talking about yourself being a joke, was asking if you actually know of any jokes?
|
SXIBrad
Member
Registered: 7th Mar 13
Location: South Yorkshire
User status: Offline
|
A Chicken and a Turtle were waiting next to a road.
Just as the Turtle was about to crawl over the Chicken shouted "Stop". The Turtle froze and said "Why? whats up?".
The chicken replied with "If you walk across that road, you will never hear the end of it!"
One I saw on CCUK that was so shit it was a little funny! 
|
Marc
Member
Registered: 11th Aug 02
Location: York
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by IvIarkgraham
got any good ones?
|
IvIarkgraham
Premium Member
Registered: 27th Mar 04
Location: Ellesmere Port, Cheshire
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by Dom
quote:
Originally posted by IvIarkgraham
yeah
I wasn't talking about yourself being a joke, was asking if you actually know of any jokes?
I know, I do
|
IvIarkgraham
Premium Member
Registered: 27th Mar 04
Location: Ellesmere Port, Cheshire
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by Marc
quote:
Originally posted by IvIarkgraham
got any good ones?
most decorated club in the world
|
corsa_sean
Member
Registered: 11th Mar 08
Location: aberdeen
User status: Offline
|
Technicaly its new co rangers as rfc are dead what a shame .............
|
IvIarkgraham
Premium Member
Registered: 27th Mar 04
Location: Ellesmere Port, Cheshire
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by corsa_sean
Technicaly its new co rangers as rfc are dead what a shame .............
tell that to the asa
|
Marc
Member
Registered: 11th Aug 02
Location: York
User status: Offline
|
Do they have an email address?
|
alan-g-w
Member
Registered: 9th Nov 07
Location: Glasgow
User status: Offline
|
Sean are you not the cretin that started posting 'Tiocfaidh ar la' when we last talked about this shit. Do yourself a favour and fuck off.
For the record, a couple of those jokes made me kind of crack a smile but weren't worth the scrolling. Just so happens one of the 'in crowd' post it - I could imagine a newbie having been flamed by now.
[Edited on 31-07-2013 by alan-g-w]
|
IvIarkgraham
Premium Member
Registered: 27th Mar 04
Location: Ellesmere Port, Cheshire
User status: Offline
|
how do you join the in crowd?
|
Russ
Member
Registered: 14th Mar 04
Location: Armchair
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by Marc
quote:
Originally posted by IvIarkgraham
got any good ones?
|
Dom
Member
Registered: 13th Sep 03
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by alan-g-w
Just so happens one of the 'in crowd' post it - I could imagine a newbie having been flamed by now.
|
corsa_sean
Member
Registered: 11th Mar 08
Location: aberdeen
User status: Offline
|
Little cretin ha ha dont make me laugh cant take a joke dont support them then idiot ive every right to say that so why dont you do yourself a favour and fuck off
quote]Originally posted by alan-g-w
Sean are you not the cretin that started posting 'Tiocfaidh ar la' when we last talked about this shit. Do yourself a favour and fuck off.
For the record, a couple of those jokes made me kind of crack a smile but weren't worth the scrolling. Just so happens one of the 'in crowd' post it - I could imagine a newbie having been flamed by now.
[Edited on 31-07-2013 by alan-g-w]
|
alan-g-w
Member
Registered: 9th Nov 07
Location: Glasgow
User status: Offline
|
Post illogical pictures all you want, it's a sad fact.
|
alan-g-w
Member
Registered: 9th Nov 07
Location: Glasgow
User status: Offline
|
Well done there Sean, well thought out. Too full of smack to think of your own comebacks aye?
|
corsa_sean
Member
Registered: 11th Mar 08
Location: aberdeen
User status: Offline
|
Ahh smack head jokes classy couldnt e farther from the truth with me but hey its the internet you can say what you want right
|
Dom
Member
Registered: 13th Sep 03
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by alan-g-w
Post illogical pictures all you want, it's a sad fact.
Be interesting to hear these 'facts' then because i can't say i've seen much evidence of a 'in crowd' after being here nearly 10 years 
|
Tomnova16
Premium Member
Registered: 21st Jan 06
Location: Gerrards Cross Drives: Porsche 911
User status: Offline
|
Is this a joke thread or a thread for jokes?
http://www.lemass.co.uk/ for all your automotive/bodyshop needs
Located in Chalfont st Peter
|
alan-g-w
Member
Registered: 9th Nov 07
Location: Glasgow
User status: Offline
|
A sad fact I said, i.e. singular. I don't need to point anything out, anyone with their head outwith their own arse can see that this site's got a massive issue with it. Certain people can post what they want and get a friendly reception from their fellow bummers no matter the content, others outwith the crowd will post something half decent but people will try their hardest to deride the person/ post for no reason. Been happening in GC for ages now, if you claim to not notice it you're being ignorant imo.
I've been on sites where if someone posts a thread, no matter how boring it might seem to some people, if there's any generally arsey comments the mods put a stop to it. It's different here where people are allowed to basically say what they want - that's a good premise and might just work if the place wasn't full of dobbers looking to take the piss at EVERY given opportunity.
I don't give a fuck what people think of me, on here or in day to day life. I just think this site could be as good as it used to be if people just toned it down a bit.
|
ed
Member
Registered: 10th Sep 03
User status: Offline
|
Shut up Meg.
|
