Leo
Member
Registered: 26th May 04
User status: Offline
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on what i can do? i am bored and i dont finish work til 4.30, this is a sort of job were you dont get any work to do!!
Idea's please 
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Ditch
Member
Registered: 29th Nov 02
Location: St Albans Drives: JDM Celica GT4 WRC
User status: Offline
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Read these
> > > > > Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
> > > > > A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
> > > > >
> > > > > Q. What's a mixed feeling?
> > > > > A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new
> > car.
> > > > >
> > > > > Q. What's the height of conceit?
> > > > > A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
> > > > >
> > > > > Q. What's the definition of macho?
> > > > > A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.
> > > > >
> > > > > Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
> > > > > A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
> > > > >
> > > > > Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
> > > > > A. Because it's worth it.
> > > > >
> > > > > Q. What is a Yankee?
> > > > > A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
> > > > >
> > > > > Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
> > > > > A.They both like a tight seal.
> > > > >
> > > > > Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
> > > > > A. Their balls are just for decoration.
> > > > >
> > > > > Q. What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?
> > > > > A. About three inches.
> > > > >
> > > > > Q. Why do Gay men wear ribbed condoms?
> > > > > A. For traction in the mud.
> > > > >
> > > > > Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
> > > > > A. The grip.
> > > > >
> > > > > Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
> > > > > A. It's not hard.
> > > > >
> > > > > Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
> > > > > A: 45 pounds.
> > > > >
> > > > > Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
> > > > > A: 45 minutes.
> > > > >
> > > > > Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
> > > > > A: Breasts don't have eyes.
> > > > >
> > > > > Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true
love?
> > > > > A. The swallow.
> > > > >
> > > > > Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
> > > > > A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
> > > > >
> > > > > Q. Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than
> > > > improving
> > > > > their minds?
> > > > > A. Because most men are stupid but few are blind.
> > > > >
> > > > > Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
> > > > > A. They don't have balls to scratch>
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drunkenfool
Member
Registered: 7th Feb 03
Location: Hereford Drives: Audi R8 V8
User status: Offline
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have u got access 2 ur car? I work in threshers and when it was real quiet yesterday, i cleaned out my car!
[Edited on 09-05-2003 by drunkenfool]
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Ditch
Member
Registered: 29th Nov 02
Location: St Albans Drives: JDM Celica GT4 WRC
User status: Offline
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Worlds smartest drunk!
Larry wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
Larry looks around the room and sees that it is in a perfect order, spotless, clean. So's the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you."
So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Larry asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious. Broke
some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, Larry asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off you said, "Lady leave me alone, I'm married'!"
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Leo
Member
Registered: 26th May 04
User status: Offline
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Both very good ones ditch.
Cant clean my car, work on a reception!
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Underwood
Member
Registered: 7th Sep 01
Location: Hull & Manchester
User status: Offline
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where do you work? we can go from there
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Ditch
Member
Registered: 29th Nov 02
Location: St Albans Drives: JDM Celica GT4 WRC
User status: Offline
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something i think alot of people on here will relate to!! 
WORK vs. PRISON
>
>IN PRISON ... you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell;
>AT WORK ... you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.
>
>IN PRISON ... you get three meals a day;
>AT WORK ... you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for
>it.
>
>IN PRISON ... you get time off for good behavior;
>AT WORK...you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
>
>IN PRISON ... the guard locks and unlocks allthe doors for you;
>AT WORK ... you must carry around a security card and open all the
>doors for yourself.
>
>IN PRISON ... you can watch TV and play games;
>AT WORK ... you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
>
>IN PRISON ... you get your own toilet;
>AT WORK ... you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.
>
>IN PRISON ... they allow your family and friends to visit;
>AT WORK ... you can't even speak to your family.
>
>IN PRISON ... all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work
>required;
>AT WORK ... you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they
>deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
>
>IN PRISON ... you spend most of your life looking through bars from
>inside wanting to get out.
>AT WORK ... you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go
>inside bars.
>
>IN PRISON ... you must deal with sadistic wardens;
>AT WORK... they are called managers
[Edited on 09-05-2003 by Ditch]
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Leo
Member
Registered: 26th May 04
User status: Offline
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Another good one ditch.
I work for a company that helps school children raise their exam levels and generally helps them out.
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Tom
Member
Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: Wirral, Merseyside
User status: Offline
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Ditch....brightened up my day thanx 
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Gavin
Premium Member
Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: West Midlands
User status: Offline
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pew pew pew pewwwww
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Leo
Member
Registered: 26th May 04
User status: Offline
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Bright and breezy! anymore from where that one came from?
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Leo
Member
Registered: 26th May 04
User status: Offline
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So whats everyone doing this weekend?
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Steve
Premium Member
Registered: 30th Mar 02
Location: Worcestershire Drives: Defender
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Leo
Tight and breezy!
ur mothers fanny is tight and breezy
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MarkM
Member
Registered: 11th Apr 01
Location: Liverpool
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Steve106GTi
quote:
Originally posted by Leo
Tight and breezy!
ur mothers fanny is tight and breezy
#
tight AND breezy..bit of a contradiction there steve.
You not feeling well.
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Leo
Member
Registered: 26th May 04
User status: Offline
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thats funny because i put "Bright and Breezy"
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MatthewR
Member
Registered: 21st Oct 02
Location: Rickmansworth
User status: Offline
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Just Steve bein a knob as per usual
[Edited on 09-05-2003 by Evisu]
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Mattss Corsa
Member
Registered: 11th Jan 03
Location: Milton Keynes (BUCKS)
User status: Offline
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