leeshez
Member
Registered: 3rd May 01
Location: Great Harwood, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't
want
your type in here"
Two peanuts walk into a bar, One was a salted.
A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but
don't
start anything"
A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar The barman says, "Is this
some
kind of joke?"
A woman walks into a bar and asks the barman for a double entendre. So
he
gave her one.
A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food
in
here"
Dyslexic man walks into a bra
A seal walks into a club . . .
A man walks into a pub, goes up to the bar "Pint of best" he says to
the bar
man. Whilst waiting for his drink he notices that Vincent Van Gogh is
sitting at one of the tables. He goes up to him and says "Are you
Vincent
Van Gogh?" "Yes" the old man replies. "Do you want a pint?" "No, ta.
I've
got one 'ere."
A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:
"Pint
please, and one for the road."
A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman
comes up to him and says 'What are you supposed to be?' The man says 'A
premature ejaculation' 'What?' says the woman The man says 'I've just
come
in my pants'
These are even worse . . .
I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week. Phoned her up to
arrange
a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in
the
craft. It sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak
and
heat it.
Two boll weevils grew up in Cornwall. One went to Hollywood and became
a
famous actor. The other stayed behind, drove a tractor and never
amounted to
much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two
weevils.
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to
the
bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain
during
root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
Getting worse . . .
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the
lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour,
the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
why?"
they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand
chess
nuts boasting in an open foyer."
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten
different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
The Big finale . . .
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to
a
family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in
Spain,
they name him "Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to
his
mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished
she
also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins.
If
you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
        
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